An Endless Summer of Catching Dreams
by chocgirl
Summary: High school AU: Alex Vause is the social pariah of her high school but she has never let that bother her, perfectly content with the loner label for as long as she knew. But that soon changes when the new girl from Connecticut, Piper Chapman tentatively enters her life.
1. Colour my heart

**1\. Colour my heart.**

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 _AN/ Okay. I have ventured into the territory of high school AUs...I think I may not be the first nor the last haha. I was bored and have had a few days off work and wrote this on whim. I have no idea how long this will be...but what I do know is that some people will be like why hasn't she updated her other fic: "You May See the Doctor Now"_

 _Guys...I wanted a break from all the angst so do forgive me._

 _Please enjoy!_

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Alex Vause slammed the door of her truck shut before she lazily sauntered towards the grey cinderblock building standing proudly in the distance. A building otherwise known as Litchfield High School.

It was an ugly building that had managed to escape vital government funding for the last three decades; its exterior and general build a sore thumb compared to the recent new housing built around it. Its walls erected in the seventies were probably full to the brim with asbestos and other cancer causing material. That's if the arctic conditions of the classrooms courtesy of the neglected central heating system - hadn't killed people first.

Alex didn't mind. It meant she was able to wear her favourite black hoodie in class without facing the wrath of her teachers. Granted it was emblazoned with the words _fuck the people_ on the back of it but each time they threatened her with expulsion she had insisted they were song lyrics from her favourite band and was was miraculously left alone when she threw words like _first amendment_ around.

 _Whatever._ Freedom of speech right?

Litchfield High was also home to the worst high school football team in all of New York but despite that, they still somehow had a loyal following of students. Probably more out of tradition than on merit and the fact they were probably the biggest source of income to the school.

Each year the student populace were promised new shiny buildings and actual 21st century equipment that would mean they could finally throw out the computers that still accepted floppy disks and the overhead projectors that had to be kickstarted with a well placed bang. But red tape and incompetent management had made that happening a very distant possibility, so they made do with the circa Windows 2000 computers and the crumbling canteen that doubled up as the gym during physical education class.

High school was thus in both the figurative and literal sense - a shithole.

It was a place where hopes came to die, future losers with a chip on their shoulders reached their peak before they'd probably end up working at their dad's garage in ten years time and people like Alex Vause were forced to endure the previous aforementioned.

 _Oh._ And it was also a place where entitled and snobbish bitches who went by the name of _Jessica Wedge_ exercised their so called god given rights of superiority and just general asshole-ishness.

So it wasn't a massive surprise Alex Vause didn't particularly revel in high school cliches or education in general for that matter. As far as she was concerned school was a ploy to keep the masses in control and allow teenage angst to flourish.

Alex found herself already counting down the hours before she would make the journey back to her car - a thought that occupied her head pretty much every other day.

* * *

"Someone care to elaborate on our next topic concerning _natural selection_?" Mr Hollister's voice boomed across the classroom. Anyone who hadn't been paying attention would be now - that's if their eardrums were still intact - Mr Hollister had a tendency to crank up the volume of his voice to unprecedented levels whenever he noticed the attention of his class waning. "Anyone?"

Alex slouched even further back in her chair, trying to make herself as small as possible and avoid Hollister's direct line of vision. She covertly glanced at the clock stuck on the far wall: just a few more minutes and she was _fucking_ out of here. She probably wasn't going to make meeting up with Nicky Nichols after school, her long time friend whom Alex had known ever since the night they had lain in adjacent hospital beds after a pretty bad beatdown by some local drug dealer who had mistaken them _both_ for his errand girls. Who knew drugs could bring people closer together?

Alex resumed with her doodles, sketching the front-man of her favourite band: _The XX._ The drawing was almost complete, save for the eyes, they definitely needed a bit more shading.

Suddenly the paper was snatched from underneath her and disappeared into Hollister's beefy hand. "Hey! Alex hissed, sitting upright all self-righteous and equally surprised, "What the _fuck_ are you doing?"

The teacher raised his eyebrow, "What colourful language emitting from such a pleasant young lady's mouth."

Alex rolled her eyes, "You have no right to take my stuff."

"Unless.." He glanced at the sketch, "…drawing band members has somehow become a topic in biology that I don't know about, I'm confiscating this."

"You have no fu- you have no right."

"Nope, Alex. I have all the right. Now that I've got your undivided attention, please answer my earlier question."

Alex simply crossed her arms in response and slouched until it was near impossible, not intent on answering anything

"Sir." A sickly-sweet voice rang behind the teacher, "Natural selection is one way to keep the lesser intelligent and less able people in our society to a minimum. People like _Alex_ _Vause_ for instance."

Jessica Wedge threw Alex one of her signature smug looks just as the whole class erupted into loud raucous laughter, the kind of fake canned laughter that served only to be maximally spiteful and malicious rather than actually be genuinely mirthful.

Jessica Wedge: the high-school cheerleader, the barbie lookalike, the mean girl in every generic high school flick, the super-rich snob whose dad owned this _fucking_ prison like establishment. And also incidentally Alex's major enemy. Her little carbon copy friends were sat beside her, dutifully laughing the loudest and longest.

"Now now Miss Wedge, there is really no need to bring Alex into this." Hollister admonished her.

Before Alex could stop herself she calmly replies, "Old Jess would have known that's the wrong answer. But what would she know? She's too busy _fucking_ the entire high-school football team behind the bike sheds." Alex gave a half-smile, "You should really start borrowing books from the library instead of borrowing STIs from loser fuckboys."

If Jessica's head hadn't been screwed on Alex would have been mildly concerned it was going to imminently shoot off judging from the intense purplish red hue the girl's face was taking. All that pent-up pressure surely wasn't good for whatever the _fuck_ occupied the inside of Jessica's skull.

This time there was tentative brokered laughter dotted with some melodramatic ooh's filling the classroom. Nobody _laughed_ at the class queen's expense (at least not to her face) especially one whose dad owned the place - it just didn't bode well - not the least if you didn't want any dire consequence coming your way.

"You're going to pay for this, Vause." Wedge spat, "Even if that means I'll have to get every last dime from your cheap, broke-ass diner mom."

Okay that kind of hurt. But Alex simply rolled her eyes and gave a massive sigh looking totally unbothered. Her poor financial standing always made its way into Wedge's many jibes and spiteful comments, the coup de grace to horrible stinging remarks, the icing on the goddamn insult cake, and to be quite honest Alex had learned to become less affected by it, more because of the sheer repetitiveness of hearing the same old same old then anything else really.

"I'd rather have a broke-ass mom than a lying cheating one."

Okay that was an unverified statement Alex had overheard through the grapevine but it had the desired effect and it seemed to shut Wedge up who was now being fake-consoled by one of her chums.

"That's it Vause. Get the _hell_ out of my classroom. I've had it with your attitude."

Hollister hadn't even finished speaking before Alex happily grabbed all of her stuff and casually walked out, not missing the teacher's tiny smile underneath all his indignant shouting. If Alex had a microphone, she would have dropped it... also she was going to make her meet-up with Nichols.

Winners all round.

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A few weeks later Alex felt the trajectory of her life take a huge swerve.

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The new girl walked in, her gait hesitant and tremulous. Her head was tilted downwards but she would look upwards every so often, her eyes darting all over the classroom, not resting on anyone in particular. Everything about her screamed out of towner and _not from here_ and judging from her expression, it was as though she had been forced to walk into the mouth of hell itself.

She was clutching a bunch of brand new set of textbooks against her chest and had a bag slewn over her shoulder. Alex watched her take a deep breath as Mr Hollister began introducing her to the class, exactly imagining how she must be feeling; the unwanted rite of passage inflicted on every new kid, it was as painful for the class to listen to as it was for the new person to hear.

"Why don't you introduce yourself as well?" Hollister prompted the girl.

"Hi…I'm Piper Chapman…"

She had a soft-spoken voice that stuttered every words, her tone low and humming like one those audio-books Alex sometimes borrowed from the library when she had taken the maximal allowance of books. She figured the girl was from upstate somewhere, her slow walk matched by the drawled enunciation of her words, so that when she said her name it sounded almost exotic: _Piper Chapman._

Alex found herself repeating the name under her breath, liking the way it rolled so easily off her tongue.

She was pretty in a sort of wholesome, all American kind of way, her blonde hair hair falling just onto her shoulders, blue eyes flicking nervously over the sea of faces staring back at her. There was an air of soft untouched innocence about her, like she belonged in a Jane Austen book but had somehow stepped out and stumbled into a 21st century high school classroom, totally lost and out of place.

The girl suddenly looked up, her blue eyes catching Alex's for no more than a split second, and in response drew a small polite smile. A normal smile people gave strangers when they made eye contact. A stranger in the park or the subway or anywhere where strangers generally were.

Alex felt something drop inside her as though she had been unceremoniously pushed off a building, surprised and acutely embarrassed at her obvious floundering, she instantly dropped her head, forgetting she hadn't even returned the smile. You know like a normal person would. After a few minutes of pretending to study the patterns of her wooden desk she stole a glance back up.

Thankfully, the girl had adjusted her gaze back to Hollister who was now beckoning her to take a seat. "Right, Piper Chapman, if you would just take a seat anywhere where there's an empty desk, that would be grand."

There were two. Two empty desks. Alex had checked already.

One somewhere near the front and one beside her. _Obviously._

There always had been a space beside her, which was neither unsurprising or unusual considering the whole class pretty much disliked her and would blacklist her in every possible way, however small. All courtesy of Jessica's vindictive campaign against her but also the fact that people didn't like she had apparently once set the school library ablaze one summer. Of course, that was entirely a lie but Alex never bothered to set the record straight, actually liking the slight notoriety it brought her.

Piper walked right past the front desk and sat beside Alex, placing her bag under the chair. She could sense the girl eyeing her with quiet curiosity, it was a look Alex had grown used to. It was a very specific look people reserved for when they spotted her ripped black jeans or the much too large flannel shirt or maybe it was the tribal tattoos criss-crossing her forearm at various points that triggered the look, tattoos that she wore proudly even though it was strictly against high school dress policy. But _whatever._

Her outward appearance was a direct contrast to the new girl's yellow flowery dress that stopped just beneath the knees or the prim satchel she carried. She was a walking Abercrombie billboard commercial and Alex would not be seen dead in either item but strangely couldn't even imagine the girl in anything else. It suited her and it suited her good. The girl - Piper looked up and caught her eyes as though she could hear Alex's thoughts out loud and smiled.

This time it was a genuine smile and she looked even more goddamn gorgeous when she was no more than a half a meter away from her. Alex could feel an odd heat stagnate in the pits of her stomach as though her beauty had lit a sparkler sitting inside her, the strange and unfamiliar warmth flowed upwards where it eventually coloured her cheeks.

A voice drifts into her ear all soft and tentative and it's as though it was the answer to Alex's silent thank-yous at Wedge for enabling new girls to sit in empty desks beside her "You like _The XX_ as well?"

Alex looked up, adjusting her glasses, "How do you know?"

Piper nodded her head towards the _XX_ logo Alex had drawn in the corner of her book margins, and smiled when she spotted it, "Oh, you like them as well?"

"Like them? I _love_ them. Their song _Crystallised_ is my particular favourite, it's just so atmospheric." She looked directly at Alex, "Which one's your favourite?"

For maybe a second, Alex felt her mouth dry up. Shaking her head, suddenly annoyed at herself for probably looking so non-plussed.

How was the Alex Vause who people feared and hated in equal measure be so _affected?_ The same Alex who openly defied anyone in a position of authority, who casually smoked green behind the sheds during her lunch breaks, who managed to successfully sneak into every over eighteen club in town with the mere use of a few select words and a well timed waggle of the eyebrow? It was such an unsettling experience.

She quickly had to counter the lost for words silence with something smart and witty to regain her supposed reputation, "Mine's _Infinity."_ (so much for trying to be smart)

"That's a good choice as well."

Alex couldn't help but herself but be in awe at someone like Piper liking a dark band like the _XX, "_ You don't seem the type who listens to their music."

"What is someone who likes them supposed to look like?"

"I don't know. Just not someone like you."

Alex dimly realised she was coming off as rude, so quickly recanted her words and instead amended with, "Sorry, that sounds judgmental of me…I don't mean to be horrible sounding."

"It's okay. My friends said the same thing…especially when I made a massive error by going in all-white to their concert last year." She laughed self-effacingly so that her face crinkled at the corners, making her eyes appear more bluer than it seemed possible. Alex was so caught up in the radiance of the smile she almost forgot to be shocked that this girl had been to the band's concert, something she had never had enough money for - the obscenely expensive tickets way way out of her financial reach. "No kidding! You've been to their concert?"

"You've never been?" It didn't sound at all malicious or even remotely judgmental but it still managed to spark that twinge of embarrassment in Alex whenever things involving money were brought up. It wasn't as though the only reason Alex hadn't been to their concert was because she couldn't afford it - there were a thousand other possible reasons but it still didn't make her any less self-conscious. "No, I haven't seen them play live." She shrugged her shoulders, "You know how fast their tickets always sell out…never managed to get them in time."

"Oh yeah? I spent like three hours refreshing the webpage when they announced the tickets. I was about to give up but managed to get hold of one at the last possible minute."

Relieved, Alex replied, "That is some real dedication."

"What can can I say, I'm a dedicated fan."

Alex chuckled, "Even though you went in all-white?"

"I didn't know they had a dress code... or maybe it was the fact I'm super conscious of wearing black, it makes my face all horribly pale and washed out."

Alex couldn't even imagine that would ever be the case. Piper's face was a picture of sunshine and all things summery and Alex surmised she could spend all day basking in her glow. "I bet you would have looked real good."

Piper didn't say anything for a moment, her eyes betraying pleasant surprise. Alex realised what she had said so quickly added, "I mean..everyone looks good in black. You can't go wrong with black."

That self-deprecating grin again, "That's awfully nice of you to say."

Alex could feel her shit-eating grin threatening to make an appearance again and it was an actual wonder Mr Hollister hadn't dragged her to the front of the class by now and pointed to everyone that Alex Vause, the most broody and sulky person he knew, _actually did_ have the capability to smile like a normal person.

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Sometimes Piper thought of her life as an empty canvas with nothing but a few smudges of paint strewn across it. It was an expensive well nurtured canvas, sure, a canvas any self-respecting artist would be itching to make their mark on with a flick of a brush - but it was a canvas that had been made water and paint proof - destined to forever remain empty and untouched.

That was Piper's life: empty and void of excitement and colour and permanence - at least that's how it felt to her anyway.

They had moved house five times in the last three years. Yes, five. Six if she counted the time she, her mom and younger brother Cal had to temporarily move into their holiday cabin out in New England after a particularly ugly stand off between her parents when her father had been caught with his latest bit on the side.

She had figured out pretty early on the reason for their hasty moves when she had walked in on her father kissing a lady that _wasn't_ her mother one day when she had returned early from school. Since then each discovered affair brought with it removal vans, new bedrooms and new classrooms. It had been her mom's sole solution to problems: run away from them but also bring them with you (her father). Piper had grown used to the new student introductions at each successive school she had gone to, _"Hello my name is Piper Chapman. I'm new."_ _"Nice to meet you."_ and so was she to the goodbyes, _"Bye, everyone, it was nice knowing you."_

Sometimes she felt like she was the living of a nomad, not knowing why she even bothered unpacking her bags whenever she stepped into a new empty bedroom.

She had never really left a mark at each place she had been to nor had anyone she met ever left any resounding marks on her. None she could actually remember. It was then she found herself thinking back to the girl she had met today, Piper hadn't even asked her for her name which was so unlike her. The girl who she was going to call _XX girl_ for now had a confidence she had never seen in someone, it was a confidence that was edged with danger and adventure, and her laugh…Her laugh had been infectious and _sensual_ yet had induced a sort of comforting warmth within her.

Oddly she had reminded Piper of those roller coasters that take forever to reach the top, designed to build excitement and anticipation and then drop down in an almost vertical free fall into a black gaping hole below, the rush and exhilaration something to be reckoned with. She shook her head, laughing at the strange comparison she had made.

Piper saw her again a couple of days later in the canteen. Dressed in those same ripped jeans but this time wearing a massively disproportioned blue t shirt with slashes of red colour painted onto the back of it. She was eclectic and Piper admired her self-assured conviction. How she was able to casually pull of completely non-conventional styles and still not look overly weird.

She was stood in line about four people ahead of Piper, patiently waiting while the servers placed the food onto her tray. She was also much younger than Piper would have guessed it. Same age as her but she carried herself with an abundance of confidence and quiet charisma that would make people think she was at least five years older.

Piper shuffled forwards, already doing her habitual check on her surroundings, the thing was, she had grown into an expert in picking out the best seat in the lunch hall or anywhere really, seats that would draw the minimum of attention and make her as inconspicuous as possible.

It was always the same divided cliques wherever she went. The nerds, bent over game consoles and re-enacting _star wars_ scenes or something similar. Next to them were the brooding hipsters, camped out with their MacBooks and organic fair-trade coffee. At the far corners of the hall were the would-be dropouts, probably exchanging small bags of weed or shoplifting stories. Behind them were the 'populars' who took up most of the tables in the hall - not because there were many of them but because they were the loudest and lead the most fulfilling of lives. They were all identically clothed out in varsity jackets and Abercrombie apparel, all sporting similar haircuts and makeup wear. _And_ then there were the marginal people, who didn't really fit into a particular clique, the 'miscellaneous' of the high school populace. It was the same everywhere Piper had been, same groups just different faces, they were that interchangeable.

The _XX_ girl didn't really fit into anything or anywhere. She was her own exclusive category of cool and elusive and it confused Piper to no end, because that had _never_ happened.

Just to confirm that she caught Piper's eyes and winked at her when she recognised Piper just as she began walking towards a table. Piper was about to follow her to the seat beside her when she heard someone shout, "Hey new girl!"

She swivelled around spotting a brunette girl decked out in all white, pointing at her and beckoning to the seat beside her. Pretending she hadn't seen _XX_ girl, Piper made her way to what was obviously the 'popular' table. Piper in her Ralph Lauren top and Forever 21 jeans looked exactly like them, slipping seamlessly into the heart of them.

"Thanks."

"No worries, we figured it'd be nice for us to introduce ourselves." The girl answered. She seemed nice and friendly enough Piper surmised, "I'm Jessica Wedge but call me Jess."

"Piper Chapman."

"This is Anna, Jackie, Tom and Liv." The girl pointed at the rest of the group who all waved back at Piper.

She nodded to them all, ignoring the glaringly obvious fact she had been specifically picked out because of her appearance. Wealth it seemed - attracted other wealth.

"So where are you from, Piper?"

That was always a question she had to think about so she settled on the place she had lived in the longest. "Connecticut."

"That's pretty far. What's brought you to this small town?"

Piper shrugged in what she hoped appeared non-committal, "Father's business…moves around a lot."

So Piper was accepted into the group just like that - slipping into her designated place of privilege. It was obscene at how goddamn easy it really was.

* * *

Piper knew her routine.

 _XX_ girl always sat at the far seat at the third table from the left in the canteen. She almost always sat on her own as if just confirming she was indeed her own exclusive category. She drove a beat down red truck to school that looked like it was way past its formative years but she also sometimes walked as well (even if it was raining).

She never talked to anyone. But she _did_ always give Piper a smile of acknowledgement whenever their eyes met in class or caught sight of one another when they passed in corridors. That was really the extent of their interactions.

One day Piper gathered the courage and asked Jessica, "Who is that?"

Jessica followed Piper's eyes and grinned when they rested on _XX_ girl who was on her way to her usual spot in the canteen - a tray in her hands. "Oh that's Vause. _Alex Vause._ I'd stay away from her if I was you, she's bad news."

Finally she was able to put a name to a face. _Alex Vause._ The name rolled around in her head and strangely Piper found that it fitted the girl so perfectly.

"Why?"

"Because she's weird and dangerous."

"i heard she set the school library on fire with her lighter because the librarian had told her off." A guy with a shaved buzz cut hair cut supplied.

"Didn't Vause get expelled for spitting on that female Math teacher who has left now?"

"Fuck! I didn't know about that, I thought it was 'cause she threatened her." Another girl added excitedly.

"Anyway, I'd stay away from her." Jessica chimed in before turning to Alex who by now was about to sit down.

Jessica and the group quickly stood up even though none of them were nowhere near finishing off their lunches. Piper looked around and had no choice but to follow them out.

"Hey!" Jessica suddenly shouted, saying it loud enough for Alex to hear. "Can anybody tell the _dyke_ to let us pass? She's blocking our path."

Piper saw that they had plenty of space to circumvent Alex without even coming near her but she quickly realised it was all just to be spiteful. She saw the girl - Alex's cheeks burn with colour, her lips curling into a thin line as she silently moved out of the way.

When Piper passed her she drew an apologetic look even though she hadn't said anything much less contributed, feeling the quiet anger radiating off the girl. In an ideal situation Piper would turn around and criticise Jessica for the uncalled bitchiness but she was too wrapped in her own insecurities and spinelessness to really do anything about it apart from sending silent messages of support.

"Hey _dyke!"_ Jimmy Highton shouted; a mammoth of a guy who played for the football team and was also Jessica's step-brother. "You want me to show you how I can make food disappear?"

"Get the fuck away from me, Jimmy." Alex countered - her voice weary and tired which told Piper this wasn't the first time she had to deal with him.

Before Piper understood what Jimmy was intending on doing, he grabbed Alex's tray piled with food, snatched it from under her and smashed it onto the linoleum floor, causing food items to roll off into every possible direction. "Ta-da! And that's how you do it!"

Piper recoiled in horror, her face felt cold but her ears were burning from second-hand embarrassment all too aware the majority of kids had turned around and were watching the spectacle from a safe distance: their faces hungry for more, some already fishing out their cellphones from various pockets and bags, ready to film whatever came next.

Alex looked momentarily surprised but acted as though the whole thing was just a minor inconvenience. Piper uncomfortably watched her bend over, picking up splattered food off the floor with practiced precision while the whole time Jessica and her gang rained down their spiteful laughter over her. "It's how she probably eats at home as well, guys." Jessica spoke, "Off the floor."

"Go fuck yourself, Jessica." Alex threw back at her - who was about to say more but wisely stopped when Jimmy took a threatening step forward.

Through the commotion, Piper noticed a stray apple roll towards her, bumping lightly against her sneakers. She looked down and then glanced at Alex who was staring at her intently, the eyes behind her glasses swimming with a rare dose of _hope._ Piper couldn't escape the injustice and unfairness of it all and yet instead of picking it up and doing the obvious thing - something was stopping her.

Being a member of the popular sect gave her certain immunity from things exactly like this and the unwritten rules governed that if she was seen to be directly contradictory to the actions of said group members than she was out. Shunned and ostracised just like this girl Alex Vause who was more brave than Piper would ever be. So Piper did what she always did which was pretend the problem didn't exist and walk away from it. ( _She had learned a lot from her mother)_

She sidestepped the apple and walked away - nearly choking on the mushroom cloud of self-loathing swirling around her.


	2. Sometimes you just have to be brave

**2\. Sometimes you just have to be brave.**

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 _AN: Thank you to everyone who read, reviewed, followed & favourited. I love you all :) _

_I present you with more._

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Exactly two weeks had gone by since Piper saw Alex again.

The food hall was once again bustling with students, the cacophony of laughter and buzzed conversation punctuating the air. Piper was sat beside Jessica, at their usual spot at the 'populars' table. Jessica was excitedly reeling off a minute by minute account to the group of the supposed _amazing_ spa date she had gone to with - who Piper now understood was Jessica's on and off boyfriend; Lyle Thomson, a college drop out who was at least six years older than her and apparently showered her with gifts and drove her around on his motorcycle at the weekends.

Lyle had a criminal record as long as their table and rumour had it was recently acquitted over home invasion charges. Apparently rich daddies had a penchant for paying off prosecutors and police whenever their darling children had been 'forced' into crime, that was the argument each time anyway. Piper didn't mention that Jessica and Lyle's relationship was technically illegal since she was underage _but_ that was none of her business.

Piper was too distracted, not really listening, although nodding at the appropriate places in conversation. Her eye kept wandering over to Alex, following her movements ever since she first spotted her - which wasn't creepy at all. She watched Alex shuffling along the queue again, this time she was sporting a massive pair of headphones, silently bobbing her head to whatever was blaring through the earpieces. They must have originally been black but a collection of various sized stickers covered most of the surface. Piper wondered what she was listening to, no doubt either the _XX_ or some similar sounding band.

"Are you even listening to me, Piper?"

Piper quickly turned her head, met by Jessica's disgruntled stare, feeling as though she'd been caught with her hands halfway down a cookie jar, "No, course I am." She sheepishly said.

Jessica seemed to accept the answer and was about to dive back into her stories, but her eyes suddenly brightened, her expression moulding into one of glee. Piper knew that look and a wave of unease had already began settling deep in her stomach.

Jimmy Highton swaggered in flanked by what must be his football practice buddies, two equally massive guys with model worthy girls perched at their sides, whose obvious sole purpose was to be paraded like prizes won at a fair. Judging by their blank faced appearances that had probably never seen the inside of a book- at least not voluntarily, and the dead eyed gazes lazily regarding the scene, it must have been a pretty cheapish fair.

They approached Alex who hadn't heard them enter, still engrossed in her music. Jimmy tapped on her shoulder, all theatrical and and exaggerated. Piper watched her turn around, oblivious to the various eyes on her. Piper could feel that familiar self-loathing making its way up, barely able to watch the unfolding spectacle.

This time when the tray hit the floor it also smashed in half. Food once again littering the floor where it left a scattered mess of squished donut and splashed juice. "Boom! And _foodo-disappearo!_ It's like _fucking_ magic!" Jimmy's insufferable voice rang out, looking mightily triumphant with himself.

It was all Alex could do but to bend over and start picking up the mess off the floor, ignoring the ensuing victorious cheers from the trio towering over her.

"Whaddya listening to?" One of the jocks asked as he casually yanked the headphones off Alex's head, nearly choking her with the dangling cord. "Hey guys!" He turns to Piper's table. "What do freaks listen to these days?"

"Give it back, you fucker." Piper heard her hiss menacingly.

"Hey everyone, she speaks!"

"I said, give it back you _fucking_ asshole."

"Quite a mouth on you, haven't you?" one of them said, dangling the headphones just out Alex's reach.

Jessica stood up from her seat and walked toward a kneeling Alex with all the sense of purpose of someone who knew the spotlight was shining on them, and held the attention of pretty much everyone in the food hall. "Just like her mother...grafting leftover food from her diner customers and taking it home with her for her poor little daughter to feed on." Jessica looked down at Alex whose body looked to be shaking with an internal anger, that was at the brink of breaking out. "What does four day old burger taste like? I'm dying to know."

Without waiting for an answer, Jessica walks on but not before stamping on the still intact orange Alex had just placed back onto the tray. "Let's go, Piper." Jessica nudged her, sporting that sickly smug smile that was perpetually present.

Red hot anger, like a volcano welled up Piper's insides, a lava of fury broke out from her. The bark of her voice, even surprised her, "Get the fuck away from her."

Piper was only distantly conscious of what she was walking into and the consequences that would lie before her but right now that was overshadowed by a hate burning her up. Piper's second voice, the one that governed everything in her life, the one that told her to only colour between the lines, to never stray outside of them. The one that her parents had ingrained to her, the one that told her to fulfil people's expectations at the expense of her own happiness. That second voice was pushing her to stop, to _not_ get involved. _But_ this. This was an eruption that could not be stopped, no rewind button, no water to dampen it with. Piper's every word was clipped, slamming into the air. "Get the _fuck_ off her and find something else to occupy your pea-sized brain with."

"What did you say?" Jessica spat who seemed to have finally recovered from the initial dumbfounded shock.

"Are you deaf as well as stupid?"

Jessica, her step brother and everyone else really, just stared in open mouthed disbelief, it was as if their brains had jammed, couldn't turn fast enough to take in the information from their wide eyes. These people clearly had never been defied and it was as much of a new experience for them as it was for Piper.

Alex's eyes, large behind her glasses, lasered into Piper's. There was something solemn saturating them, their deep green held an admiration that made Piper momentarily forget where she was. For a full minute they both stood there, staring at each other.

"Piper...don't."

It was the first time, Piper heard Alex say her name.

"Just go...honestly it's not worth it."

Instead Piper knelt beside her, ignoring the countless eyes on her, and picked up the last of the food remnants off the floor. She tilted her head up, her gaze sliding over Alex's, their faces so close to each other, they were breathing in the same patch of air.

Alex had a sort of disarmingly understated beauty, all florid cheeks and awed eyes, tendrils of dark hair falling over her eyes. Piper felt herself falling into a heady trance, Alex was a blend of sweet charm she just couldn't get enough of.

Not entirely sure if it was of her own accord, Piper placed her hand over Alex's, "I've got homemade pizza." She said into her ear. "School dinners are overrated anyway."

.

.

.

It was the nearing the end of the week. Alex was sat in her social science class. She hadn't seen Piper for pretty much the whole week, their classes not clashing with one another so that the only form of communication were silent nods and curved smiles.

The class had been tasked with some painfully politically-correct task on writing about feelings and their weak points and how they would cross the streets at the traffic lights and _obviously_ never ever jaywalk. It was just more bullshit government sponsored propaganda, and having to read from an equally standard government issued manual that was full to the brim with bureaucratic nonsense was the final nail in the coffin for Alex - who had all but given up on the fruitless lesson and instead busied herself with finishing off the sketch of Romy from the _XX._

Suddenly the thick silence was shattered by a voice bellowing through the PA system; "Alex Vause, Alex Vause to Ms Durant's office!"

Alex slowly dropped her pen onto the desk, shoving the sketch into her jean pocket, her long weary sigh half-drowned out by the dramatic _ooh's_ that rang around her.

She caught Jessica's self-satisfied face from the corner of her eye. It struck Alex how unattractive the action was and it set her teeth on edge even more than usual. No longer able to bear the visual she turned her back, not turning around until she heard left the room, silently cursing the brunette all the way to the principal's office.

A few minutes later Alex sauntered into the principal waiting room, where a few nervous looking kids were already sat waiting. Alex nodded to all them in a kind of silent camaraderie - kids in trouble always bonded together, all sharing the same common goal of avoiding harsh repercussions for their troubles. That Alex had learned from the many detentions she had been sentenced to throughout her high-school career. She recognised one of the guys sat in the far corner rubbing his hand together over and over, it was Jason: a baby-faced freshman who always sported dark dishevelled hair and had a weird tendency to burst into fitful laughter for no apparent reason.

"Hey Jase, how are you?"

"Al man, I totally got caught smoking a few joints before class."

"Fuck, that sucks."

"Tell me about it." He brushed a lap of hair behind his ear, "Dude, I gotta tell them that shit relaxes me...it really helps me concentrate in Fernandez's Spanish class. No racist man, but the dude's accent is so fucking hard to understand."

Alex chuckled, "You can cite medical reasons or something?"

"You think that'll work?" His eyes turning into saucers as though Alex had just given him the solution to global poverty, "I don't know, Jase, but it's worth a try."

"Hmmm, thanks man." They shared an awkward fist bump before he continued, "What's your charge?"

"I actually don't know. One way to find out, I guess." Alex murmured as another wave of anger directed at Wedge roiled through her.

"Alex Vause!" The burly secretary shrieked out, waving Alex through towards the principal's office without looking up from her computer.

"And hi to you too, Sarah." Alex grinned as she walked past.

"It's Miss Holden to you." She spat and hissed, "The day you're excluded from this school couldn't come any sooner."

Alex simply laughed, knocking onto the door and without waiting stepped in.

* * *

"I never asked why your office is situated right at the back of the school." Alex smirked as she sat down opposite the principal, Ms Durant. She was a woman in her mid-forties, with a soft, candid face, a full mouth, and steely grey eyes. She always wore her blouses tucked underneath a figure-hugging pencil skirt and always accessorised with a massive piece of jewellery - and today was no exception. Alex continued, "Is it to make sure nobody spots the depressives and delinquents coming in and out through your door?"

The principal frowns at the flippant nature of the question "Are you a member of one those groups you're referring to, Alex?"

"I don't know, what do you think?" She threw back.

Durant opens her mouth to say something but clearly thinks against it and closes it again. A silent moment slides between them as Alex patiently waits for the her to say something. Meanwhile, Alex takes the opportunity to survey the surroundings. The room was small and modestly furnished. The large oak desk the main piece of furniture dominating the space. Alex could practically see the level of effort that had gone into making the room appear calm and inviting. From the mixture of fake and real flowers resting on the desk, the off-beige colouring of the surrounding walls to the oversized lava lamp changing colours every few seconds. There was an off-brightness to the room that would discourage anyone from ever confessing their thoughts. Alex could count on her fingers how many times she had frequented this office and really it was actually beginning to feel like her second home, and by count on her fingers, she really meant square rooting any given number of fingers.

"Do you know why you are here?"

"Isn't that your job to know?"

"I mean I can only help you if you help me as well. I'll just lay it clear now, so that we're on the same wavelength because what I'm about to say is quite serious and has serious implications on the future you hold here."

Alex looked up. Her voice tight and curt, all humour dissipating from her tone "What do you mean?"

"It's been brought to my attention that you were involved in a forced sexual assault on one of our students several days ago."

The shock was like a vise crushing her chest. The sentence structured itself in her head, slowly taking on meaning. Alex near enough jumped out her seat, it was so abrupt her chair toppled backwards "Sexual assault? That has nothing to do with me."

Durant just stared at her, and Alex couldn't help but see the accusation flashing in her eyes. "Alex, please sit down."

Alex didn't like that look. That _look -_ as if she was being scrupulously examined under a microscope and being stripped down – layer by layer. She uncomfortably shifted in her seat before quickly sitting up straight, angry at the principal's pre-set judgment. Wasn't she as a principal supposed to be free of that judgy shit and be totally impartial? Granted, Alex's track record didn't exactly strike precedence to be given the benefit of the doubt at any given occasion, but this went far beyond simple high-school shenanigans and into serious _police_ involving stuff.

Alex pushed her glasses up into her hair and leant forwards, "If this is about Jessica Wedge, than she's telling you a pack lies, that bitch has had it in for me since day one."

Durant nods slowly, "She reports that you grabbed her front and forced yourself onto her."

"That's not true! Do I look like someone who forces themselves onto people?" She retorted, "And she's not even my type!"

"It's your word against hers."

"Well my words should take priority in this instance since I'm the one being accused of bullshit I didn't do plus you can ask her stupid little chums to corroborate my version of events."

"And what exactly did happen?"

Alex glowered, "You've already made your mind up." Before humourlessly adding, "I thought it was supposed to be innocent until proven guilty and not the other way round?"

"Why would anyone make something so serious up?" The principal asked.

Alex frowned her brows together, clenching her teeth. "Because they're Jessica Wedge and they have no concept of what it means to be a decent human being."

"And how do you feel about that?"

Alex let her anger spark at the ridiculously forced question. How did she feel about it? She almost wanted to burst out into pained laughter at how textbook and clichéd the questions were.

"How do I feel about it?" She echoed back.

A loud bang cut through the room. It was only when a sharp pain radiated through her hand did Alex realise the sound was her fist connecting with the surface of the desk. The action took them both by surprise. She avoided the principal's gaze and continued, "It's pretty fucking obvious isn't it?" She mirthlessly laughed, "It's pretty clear how any _normal_ person would feel when they are systematically humiliated and tormented and just the general pincushion for everyone to use." The words felt like acid leaking out of her mouth – polluting the air between them, but she couldn't stop. The lock had been destroyed and it unleashed with it a torrent of bad that had been rotting inside her. "For starters you can address the fucking homophobia in this place. I can't imagine what it'll do the reputation of this already crap school when shit like that gets out."

Alex paused; knowing the lasting impact the words would have as she felt a pent-up anger rattle her insides. She leant back in her chair, her whole body so electric with rage, the air around her seemed to crackle. "I know you and the piss poor management ignore everything that little bitch does...just because Papa Wedge pays for your salary doesn't mean you can be slacking at your pastoral duties."

Durant seemed to take this in, nodding more to herself than to Alex, "Very well, you set for a very convincing detailed account for a lot of things and I'm inclined to believe you...but that's not to say I won't be fully investigating this."

"It's convincing because it's the goddamn truth and while you're investigating...can you investigate her brainless stepbrother as well. You might miraculously find all that money that went missing from the admin a while back."

"Jimmy Highton?"

"Are there any more brainless stepbrothers she has that I don't know about?"

"Don't push your luck."

"Anyway." She pushed her chair back, intent on leaving. "Are we done here now?"

"No, we're not." The principal paused, sighing, "How are your parents?"

The plurality of the word 'parents' stung Alex unexpectedly more than the sudden turn in conversation. She only ever had _one_ parent. "What about them?"

"What was it like growing up?"

Alex did not like where the conversation was heading. "What has this got to with anything?"

"Am I not allowed to get know to my students?"

"If you're trying to find some dark hidden past from me that had the potential to turn me into a present day sexual predator - you won't find fuck all."

Ignoring the profanities, Durant just repeated, "Just answer the question."

"Just the standard childhood shit." Alex answered in a bright voice that was as false as the flowers resting on the desk. Except for the roses. Those were real. All of a sudden all she could think was how much her mom would fucking loves roses. She should really buy her some when she got home today.

"Describe your relationship with your parents."

"My parents..." Alex began, before bitterly correcting herself, " _Parent._ My relationship with my parent is good." She listlessly answered. "My _other_ parent... father is dead."

The title of 'father' was more than Lee Burley would ever be, his mere association with the word somehow diminished its value. Although the answer wasn't strictly true - Alex allowed herself the technicality since Burley might as well be dead for all the difference it made to her life. Dead seemed much more glamorous and respectable than outdated, drug-addled "rockstar" who abandoned his family in search of fame. He'd even failed at that, and instead had become best of friends with drugs and alcohol. How disgustingly dated.

Alex could see Durant hesitating, so obviously thrown off by the answer. For a conceited moment, it made Alex feel like she was back in control of the conversation.

"I'm sorry for your loss."

"It's fine." Alex shrugged her shoulders just as her mind's eye conjured up the photo she had always kept of her mom in her pocket.. It had been an unexpected gem of a photo that somehow managed to capture the concept of happy spontaneity: all goofy smiles and crinkled brows that had defined the word 'laughter'. She fixed her gaze on the window over Durant's shoulder just as as she harshly pressed her lips together.

The principal seemed to sense the change in atmosphere and mercilessly dropped that line of conversation, "Brothers and sisters?"

"Only child."

"How was that growing up?"

"Fine."

"Did you ever wish for siblings?"

"Not, particularly no."

Alex's answers were becoming more and more blunt.

"You never felt lonely?"

Alex falters.

The question fell on her like deadweight. Suddenly she was thrown to a scene of her twelve year old self desperately trying not to cry when her mom had asked her how many of her friends were coming to her birthday party. Diane had been so excited in the few weeks running up to the big _fucking_ day. Alex had hated every single second of it. She didn't even want a birthday party. The false pretence of being equally excited and emptily nodding along to stinging remarks like; _'Are you excited?' 'Can't wait to meet those friends of yours' 'you'll have an awesome time'_ had been exhausting to say the least.

Her head had threatened to burst at the mounting pressure of bitterness – worsening every time her mom obliviously mentioned 'friends' or even worse, prospective 'boyfriends'. How could she tell her mom that she had none? That the fact she wore two striped shoes rather than three was laughed at. That sewing mismatched strips of cloth over holes in her clothes made her the target of that callous cruelty children possessed. No one wanted to be associated with the class misfit. The one weird kid whose mom wore the local diner's uniform more than she wore her normal clothes, and drove the circa 1980s car with the different coloured doors. She hated them. Alex hated them even more for making her embarrassed of her mom.

How could she tell Diane that she had no _fucking_ friends because they were _poor._ Unless she counted Miss Foster who used to teach English in middle school– she had been nice.

Years and years spent in school and the only 'friend' she had was the teacher. If that wasn't the definition of loser, Alex didn't know what was.

Alex had pointedly ignored the niceties were partly due the English teacher taking pity on her. The awkward conversations that _no -_ her mom was not coming to the parent-teacher conferences because she was working her third job that evening, and _no_ she couldn't buy a new set of glasses on whim, one day during seventh grade after some asshole kid had snatched it off her face and stamped them into smithereens.

Or the feeble excuses when permission slips for school-organised trips were due. (She didn't even bother telling her mom about impending school trips - it spared them the tense conversations over their lack of _money.)_

It was _fucking_ sad and pathetic. If there ever had been a first prize for who most represented the poster-child of the failed American Dream, Alex would have won a thousand times over.

"No I never felt lonely." Alex eventually answered, the insincerity of the words ringing loud in her ears.

Unaware of Alex's growing disquiet, Durant continued, "It has been stated that children who are an only-child make up for the lack of siblings by widening their circle of friends."

Alex cut the woman in two with a look of incredulity - that familiar resentment bubbling just beneath the surface. For a wild second she convinced herself the principal was antagonising her, trying to extract a response from her with what seemed like some reverse psychology _bullshit._ That she had somehow read a part of her file mentioning the largely solitary childhood she had lead.

Alex shot her a darkening glare, eyes narrowing with silent warning but the principal whose expression betrayed nothing but genuine sincerity appeared completely oblivious - those grey eyes rimmed with honest concern.

"I guess." Alex answered, trying hard at appearing nonchalant

She slowly nodded, "How has your school-work been? You keeping up?"

Alex exhaled a long held breath, embarrassingly glad they had moved back to more neutral grounds and away from the unchartered territory of 'parents' and 'family'.

"Fine."

Alex neglected to mention school was becoming more and more like trying to dig her hands into solid concrete but _she_ didn't have to know that.

"You making any friends yet?"

Alex all of sudden felt herself relax back into the chair, distantly sure her expression had taken on a dreamy quality. Inadvertently, the image of a smiling Piper materialised in front of her, her form so startlingly real it took all of Alex not to raise an arm and gently stroke those soft, soft cheeks. She could feel her heart swell with pride when she thought back to the canteen incident, sure that for a girl like Piper that couldn't have been easy.

Piper did this thing with her eyes. This sort of upward crinkle that caused the dimples in her cheeks to show up and make her appear much younger than her years. Or that other thing: her cheeks flushing into a sort of strawberry hue whenever Alex responded with a half wink or a teasing smirk. She hadn't allowed herself to think of the motives behind her actions but Alex had found herself ( sometimes desperately) trying to bring out that smile or that nervous thing she did with her hands at every given occasion they bumped each other.

The principal fixed her with an bemused stare and laughed softly, before she jokingly crossed her arms, "I'll take that as a yes then."

Alex smiled back. The first genuine smile she had given anyone for a very long time. And it felt strange _but_ good. It felt good not to have an immediate thing to worry about or feel tense for no apparent reason for no other than to feel _tense._

 _._

 _._

 _._

It was Friday. The last class had finally ended. Piper made her way to the school bus that stood idling, throngs of students climbing on, filling up the bus in a rapid mass of bodies. Lost in her thoughts she was about to climb on when someone harshly shoved her backwards, nearly causing her to fall down the steps.

"You're not getting on this bus."

Regaining her balance, Piper looked up, it was Jessica, flanked by Tom and Liv, the three of them effectively blocking her way into the bus.

"So you can just turn around and walk back the way you came from." Jessica said, looking disgustingly full of herself.

"Sorry?" Piper asked, narrowing her eyes as she looked to the bus driver for some solidarity but he remained steadfastly focused on the road ahead, either pretending he hadn't hear her or just didn't care.

"You heard. We don't allow _dyke lovers_ on." Jessica said in increasingly smug overtones, loud enough for practically everyone on the bus to hear. The murmurs of assent ringing through as she said this. Piper noticed Melissa and Anna sat a few seats back, vigorously nodding their heads, the same girls who had been sharing girly stories with her not even an hour ago.

"I don't know how things work down in Connecticut but here when someone tells you to get the hell out, you're supposed to… _get the hell out."_

Piper felt a blush sear through her cheeks and for a minute she thought her face was on fire, tightening her hands around the straps of her bag, she stepped off the bus.

Maybe she wasn't that brave after all.

Standing on the side of the road, she watched the bus disappear into the distance.

* * *

The walk to her house was going to take her at least an hour and that was being very optimistic, the glare of the afternoon sun already causing Piper to break into a sweat and it was all she could do not to burst out into tears in the middle of the street. But the irrational thought of Jessica and all the other kids somehow witnessing her like that made her rub her eyes furiously, her face setting into a hard and determined frown.

She realised with a heavy heart she already hated this school. Which really, wasn't that different to the feeling she had when she'd gone to all those other schools. Piper hated the hold school could have over people - the almost animalistic need to fit in and be accepted, be the same like everybody. Sometimes that drove people to extreme measures, becoming horrible and spiteful and everything else she wasn't.

The thing was, Piper had honed a skill that had held her in good stead for as long as she could remember. To be generic and _just there in the background_ because that attitude never drew unwanted attention. Or only wearing minimal make-up and sometimes no make-up at all. Or only wearing clothing that were nude or pastel in colour - it sounded far-fetched and dramatic but if you wanted to survive the high school experience and not be sucked into the social vacuum of it you had to take calculated steps.

Her thoughts fell to Alex, with her mismatched clothes and outlandish choice of colour combinations, it all screamed _come at me_ and it wasn't like she did it purposely to draw attention, that was just her, her personality. Piper wished she could even have an ounce of that confidence, to be so totally _unbothered_ and blasé. She wishes she could grow thick skin that could deflect all those piercing stares and hushed whispers of disapproval.

Her stupid bag began digging into her shoulders and she wasn't even halfway home. Ringing her mother was out of the question, she was probably attending some high society luncheon trying hard to become acquainted with their new neighbours and her father…that wasn't even a consideration.

The books she was carrying were becoming heavier each step she took, feeling as though they were pushing her toward the ground. The muggy heat felt like it was pressing into Piper, the humidity its co-conspirator, causing perspiration to collect over her forehead where every now and again it dripped into her eyes, temporarily blinding her.

 _Beeeeeeeeeeep!_

A car honk blew her out of her heat-encased reverie, startled Piper glanced up, squinting against the almost white light of the sun, barely seeing a familiar red pickup slowly rolling in a parallel line to her.

 _"_ You look like you need a lift!" Alex's voice drifted out of the open window, her face flushed and red from the heat, the melodic rifts of _Angels_ by the _XX_ almost drowning her out. Piper never had been so happy to see her, Alex's face the oasis to her desert but an almost out of nowhere shyness kept her from breaking into the too wide smile tugging at her cheeks.

Saying the complete opposite to how she was feeling. "I'm okay, I'm nearly home anyway, thanks for the offer

But Alex wasn't giving up that easily, the car slowly trailing her, "Where'd you live?"

"Out in Ridgeford."

"Are you _fucking_ kidding me? That's like a good half hour trek from here…and that's only if you walk super fast." Alex smiled like she'd won the argument already, her elbow leaning out of the window. "C'mon, you don't want to die in this inferno."

Piper hesitated, before she grudgingly climbing into the car, the cold air from the air-con an almost orgasmic relief. She cast her eyes at Alex who was busy fumbling with the ignition, turning the key a bunch of times. "Just give me a minute, it always does this."

This time she was wearing a black t- shirt with white gothic writing streaked across the front, the letters in an unintelligible font Piper couldn't quite read. She felt Alex's glance her way, briefly halting her movements. Meeting her eyes, Piper realised she looked as though she was ogling her chest area, it was all she could do but to weakly smile back.

Alex returned to her efforts to try and get the truck to start, still twisting the key left and right. "She's a stubborn one, nearly there."

Judging from how ancient the truck appeared, Piper wasn't even sure whether the thing would ever even start. As rude as the thought was, it looked liked it belonged to a scrap yard rather than a road.

"I know what you're thinking." Alex said, breaking the silence as the car thankfully sprang to life, and sure enough slowly began to pick up speed. "I've had this truck ever since I got my license, it's my first and only car and its taken me great places, allowed me to do great things inside it…it's my pride and joy. Where I go, she goes."

Piper nodded and politely smiled. Something felt wrong with her throat, all of a sudden it felt dry and furry. There was something about the way Alex smiled, the lips turning ever so slightly at the corners, about the way she smelt, like sweat and engine oil or the way she was able to carry on conversation as though they had known each other for years.

"Also I don't know when it's going to fail on me. Could be tomorrow, could be next month or next year." She smiled to herself. "I like living on the edge."

"That's nice."

"You don't sound too convinced." Alex gave her an amused sideways glance

"No I mean it's obviously of sentimental value to you."

"I sense a but coming."

"No buts."

"Why does that sound so polite but at the same time not?"

"I feel like I'm being interrogated here." Piper laughed to indicate she was joking but Alex was already grinning at her, like she'd said something hugely funny.

After a few minutes of silence , Alex spoke with a tinge of seriousness. "Even an out-of-towner like you knows walking in this heat is guaranteed to earn you a one way ticket onto a hospital bed."

Piper could feel Alex's expectant gaze boring into her every few seconds as she frantically thought of how she was going to answer this but after a few protracted minutes she settled on telling the simple truth, "Jessica and her many friends kinda barred me from getting on the bus."

The car took a sudden swerve before Alex quickly corrected it, her eyes darkening with a silent anger, "Are you fucking kidding me? Why?"

"I guess they didn't like…didn't like what I did in the canteen." Piper hears her voice trailing off not wanting to make a big deal about the whole thing.

Piper watches Alex's face take on a hardened expression, the jaw muscles clinching through her skin. " You shouldn't have done that, you know."

Piper thought back to Alex's forlorn expression in that moment when Jimmy smashed her tray to the floor, the feeling of sudden anger that had raged through Piper, momentarily having forgotten she was supposed to stay _in the background_ and not bring attention to herself. "I couldn't just watch them doing that. It was horrible, Alex."

"You've been blacklisted now…they're going to make your life a fucking hell.

Piper near recoiled at the harshness of the words. She wasn't expecting gratitude or a commentary of thank yous but she wasn't exactly expecting to be berated for it either. With a defiance she didn't know she had, she says "I don't care though. I'm sorry for ignoring it when it happened the first time, that was horrible of me."

Alex seems to nod to this, contemplating, before she eventually utters, "That was really really brave, though." A softness blanketing the words.

There were many words. A whole ream of vocabulary Piper could have guessed Alex was going to say but _brave_?

Her father called her _weak-willed_ and _impressionable._

Her mother called her _exasperating_ and _tiresome._

 _Brave brave brave_ was not a word that had ever come close to being associated with her neither had anyone ever called her…brave.

* * *

"Thanks a lot for the ride."

"No worries."

"No, really thanks."

"I feel it like it should be me that should be thanking you." Alex smirked. "Anyone who stands up against that Wedge bitch is an automatic winner in my books."

Piper could feel a warmth radiating from somewhere beneath her, ignoring it, she could quickly mustered, "I guess I'll see you on Monday at school?"

"Yeah...Do you think you're alright with the whole bus situation? 'Cause I can pick you up in the morning, if you want."

"That's okay, thanks again."

Alex laughed, "I feel like we've trapped ourselves in a cycle of thank yous. Our parents would be proud of our good manners."

"Hmmmm."

"Are you sure, though? It's no big deal, I live pretty close to the school, it's not that long of a detour for me."

"Yes, definitely. Don't worry about it."

They were silent for a while.

Piper suddenly blurted, "Did you really set fire to the library?"

Millions dly surprised, Alex countered. "What do _you_ think?"

"I don't know, I just heard all these things said about you..."

"No, I didn't torch the library, come on you have to be a pretty callous person to enjoy burning a bunch of books."

"So I guess, you didn't get expelled for threatening a teacher, then?"

"Oh no, that I did do." Alex laughed. "But I'll tell you all about that another time."

Piper scoffs at that, briefly looking out of the window, watching the streets whiz by in a blur of grey and green.

"Hey?" Alex eventually asked.

"Yeah?"

"After school...if you _want._ There's this really cool place that does really good milkshakes..."

"Oh."

"I mean, since you're new and all that, _and_ you did kind of help me." Alex chuckled. "I _am_ Litchfield's social pariah and general object of everyone's hate which was getting pretty lonely and now that you're kind of pariah-ing with me, I think the least I can do is give you a tour of all the ace places in this town, also-"

"Yes." Piper suddenly muttered, cutting Alex off.

Confusion dancing across her face, she asked, "Yes what?"

" _Yes,_ I'd love to go for milkshakes."

"Really?"

"Hmmm, vanilla has kind of always been my favourite."

.

.

.


	3. There's a girl in the corner

3\. There's a girl in the corner (and she's pining for you)

* * *

.

.

.

When Alex had said they were going for milkshakes, Piper had just assumed it was at a run of the mill type diner. Instead she couldn't hide her pleasant surprise when they'd stepped into what can only be described as an eighties time capsule, complete with authentic eighties style décor and furniture, the waitresses, all smiles and laughs, dressed in red, as they busily tended to customers.

There was an abundance of shiny seats dotted around the place and possibly the most concentrated set of jukeboxes Piper had ever seen, relegated to the far corner, a dainty old-school number booming out.

"What do you think?" Alex asked, breaking out into a satisfied smile, her answer already given in the form of Piper's semi slack-jawed appearance.

"It's different."

"Different good? Or different bad?" She asked as they took their seats at a fairly quiet part of the diner, a waitress already sleekly dropping off the menu.

"Oh definitely different good." Piper nodded in genuine approval.

It wasn't until they had their second milkshake that Piper had to call it quits, "I think I've had too much." She declares loudly.

"Didn't I say you just had to trust me?"

"Oh yeah."

Piper did have initial reservations over the calibre of drink being sold when they'd poured over the menus, increasingly become doubtful when she'd read names like; _Slimy Strawberry_ and _Goblin's Goo_ and her real favourite: _Avada Kedavra_ , a name which gave no actual indication of what the drink even contained, which worried her intensely, if not over its death reference.

"That's part of the fun, it's the element of surprise. Don't tell your taste buds what you're going to be having." Alex had said after Piper half-serious, half jokingly asked if it contained anything poisonous. But she had been pleasantly surprised when she had taken her first tentative sip and found it was better than any shake she had ever tasted.

"You made me worry unnecessarily."

"Generic names are for boring people."

Piper laughs. "Who wants milkshakes called strawberry and vanilla, anyway? So over-rated."

They joked and laughed as they slowly finished their drinks, adding on an order of sweet potato fries with a side dish of sauces that thankfully were named after their usual familiar names.

The sun slowly began to set in the background, throwing the place into varying shades of pink and orange, the occasional sea breeze pleasantly wafting in whenever the door clinked open.

Alex interrupts her thoughts, "You sure you don't want a third one?"

"These things are big you know." Piper points out at the truthfully large jugs of mostly finished shake scattered before them.

"And they say America has an obesity epidemic." Alex places a finger over her forehead, a parody of deep thought, "I wonder why."

"Connecticut did _not_ have these kind of shakes, definitely."

"Yeah?" Alex cocked her head, her eyes didn't stray from Piper's. "This town's pretty much a lost cause, but it has its rare advantages."

Piper glances over. "You lived here long?"

"Pretty much my whole life." Alex fumbles with her straw, "We moved around a few times within the area but never actually moved out beyond the borders." Alex sighs, her eyes glazing over as she reminisced, "My mom and I used to come here every single summer, just us two goofing around and eating good food. I really miss those days."

"You don't go anymore?" Piper watched as a sadness clouded Alex's features.

"She works all the time now, hardly even get to see her these days." Alex looks at Piper, "Which don't get me wrong is not me being bitter or ungrateful at all...it's just, we used to have a lot of fun when I was younger, always going on adventures, road-tripping." She paused. '"You name it and my mom and I have probably already done it."

"Your mom sounds cool."

"Oh she is." Alex chuckles good-naturedly, "Wait until you meet her, she'll love you."

It was an off the cuff remark but it meant that this wasn't some one off thing Alex had asked her to come to. Piper had initially thought Alex had invited her for drinks as a way of repaying her for standing up for her against Wedge and her brother. And Alex had already done her bit, anything after that was now off her own accord.

"Thanks again for being the only person who actually did something that day." Alex says earnestly. Piper abruptly pauses her thoughts, wondering if she'd said something out loud.

"I mean it probably wasn't the safest thing to do, confronting the dregs of society - especially being a newbie - but it was nice of you." Alex's tone was casual, but underneath Piper caught a hint of gratitude.

"I did karate a few times, I thought I stood a fairly good chance should it have escalated into anything physical." Piper says, smiling when Alex erupts into soft laughter.

"My knight in shining armour."

The grin that swept across Piper's face was uncontainable," Gotta keep the people of Litchfield safe."

"Can you believe it I used to teach it?"

"You?" Piper asks, genuinely surprised.

"Yeah me... I mostly taught valley girls, nothing exciting. They only enrolled so they could tick the interesting extracurricular activity box in their resume, which meant for me only minimally teaching 'cause their hearts weren't in it but meant I was being paid good money for flexing a few muscles."

Alex does an uncannily accurate reenactment of her valley girl demographic, " _Oh my god, are we like gonna learn how to fight like Jackie Chan? Liz, hold my bag, I'm soo going to be the next Bruce Lee."_

Piper collapsed into a fit of snorts. "I can easily imagine this."

"I must have done so many eyerolls during each lesson, my eyes used to actually hurt when I got home each night."

From where they sat, Alex and Piper had a perfect view of the sun dipping behind the sea, sky awash and ablaze with colours that looked so saturated and rich it nearly didn't appear real. Both spent and content, lounging in their chairs, just people-watching for a few minutes, when Piper suddenly asks, "Why does Jessica hate you?"

Alex looks up, fixing her glasses, "I have several theories I have tried to come up with over the years, the most substantial one I've got so far is that she's a closet gay and I'm somehow to blame for her apparent 'gayness'.

Piper's eyes widened, "Really?"

"Oh yeah - all of that you see on a day to day basis - is a person in severe denial."

"And the other theories?"

"Oh that's she's an actual bitch from hell." Alex seems to momentarily think. "I think in a weird roundabout way, I actually feel sorry for her."

Piper cannot imagine Alex possessing even an ounce of sympathy for Jessica Wedge, the same girl who had waged her own personal war against Alex since time had begun. "Why?" Piper couldn't help but ask.

"Because I've seen her parents, and they're pretty fucking awful, like really really horrible. Her father owns Litchfield High and her mom runs a beauty business, both are stinking rich and both are assholes of the highest order."

"How come?"

"Let's just say they love the money and power more than their actual children…and unfortunately a fucked up upbringing brings with it _fucked up_ children."

Piper stomach shifts uneasily, the description of Wedge's parents ringing all too familiar to her. It suddenly choked the breath from her lungs and she said in a rush of barely intelligible words, "My father cheats." Surprised, Piper clamps her mouth shut, not even realising until the last possible second she had said that out loud.

Alex stays quiet which rushes Piper to fill the silence, "He cheats on my mom...he cheats on her and doesn't care enough to stop."

Alex does a double-take - maybe it was because Piper had said it so matter-of-factly, void of any emotion - or maybe at the fact she as a fifteen year old knew of her father's extramarital affairs.

Piper can see Alex's mouth form into a rigid grimace, "That sucks, Piper. I'm sorry."

'Oh no." Piper casually fields off Alex's apology, "Don't be sorry, my mom knows if that's what you're thinking." She laughed, not quite able to hide the bitter note leaking into her voice. "We're every bit as dysfunctional as you're probably imagining."

"Piper-"

Her mouth is moving faster than Piper can think, like it's stuck on fast forward and the volume is jammed right up. " My mom drinks herself to sleep every night, she thinks Cal and I don't know about this, but half a dozen bottles of wine on the weekly shopping list infers otherwise and meanwhile my dad is attending a disproportionate amount of late night work meetings, which are always last minute and shrouded in a cloak of secrecy."

Alex gets a look of disgust on her face, almost spooling into hatred which makes Piper instantly regret running off with her mouth. Saying it all out loud makes it seem even worse than how it was choreographed in her head. Alex's words of _fucked up parents and fucked up kids_ brims back up, a feeling of nausea riling up her insides. But before Piper's regret takes full force, Alex speaks, "If you're right now thinking that because your parents are kind of messed up - it makes _you_ messed up - then you're truly wrong."

"I know what you're thinking, Piper. Don't even go there."

Piper put her hands in her face, too overwhelmed, her lips trembling uncontrollably, unable to even follow the words coming out of her mouth. They both fall silent, just listening to the people bustling by, the hazy melodic rings of _Every breath you take_ by _The Police_ rifting through.

"You okay?" Alex softly asks.

"I don't know." Piper answers, her voice sounding far away.

"You know what I was thinking?" Alex asked. "You're way stronger than I thought, forget karate, you're stronger in here." She gestures her finger at her head.

With nothing better to say, Piper murmurs a quiet thanks.

"Shall we get out?"

Piper nods. Alex helps her with her jacket, holds the door open for her, and follows Piper out of the diner.

Alex drops her off in front of her house. She kills the engine, throwing the confines into near darkness. "Thanks again." Piper says, stalling.

Alex smiled, it wasn't as big as it was a while ago, like she was disappointed they had to call it a night. "No worries."

Piper opens the door and slowly walks up to her house, already fumbling with the keys. She quickly turn around and gives a small wave, "Goodnight, Alex."

"Night, Piper." Alex replies before disappearing behind the dark tint of her car window.

* * *

 **Open text message /**

 **Alex:** _You know if you ever wanna come round mine if things get too much - the door's always open :)_

 _._

 _._

 _._

"Have you started the essay yet?" Piper asked.

"Nope, you?"

"Yeah but I only wrote like three paragraphs and now I'm kind of stuck." Piper sighed dejectedly, "I think I've got writer's block."

They were in the library sat together at the far back, the quiet area of the building, where the lights were always so dim and yellowy making any reading off a page near impossible. Piper normally never sat there preferring instead the open-plan study area somewhere near the front, but Alex had pointed out the spot was way too public and noisy (even though it kind of wasn't) but Piper hadn't objected much and so they had been working together for the last few hours, the silence punctuated only by the occasional easy conversation.

"It's because you're going about it in a completely wrong way, _Pipes."_

Piper glanced up from her work, liking the new nickname, liking the way it sounded in Alex's voice. She stole a glance at Alex who was completely oblivious to the name choice.

"What are you staring at?" Alex asked, laughing.

"Nothing." Piper said much too quickly. She hastily looked back down at her work, hoping the burn in her cheeks wasn't all that obvious. "I'm just dying to know of this so called _right_ way."

"My sarcasm detection machine is flickering away at full blast here."

"Shut up." Piper nudged her in the ribs, "And just tell me."

"Okay, you can't just keep on spending so much on time planning and writing _about_ the things you're going to write about. Just write about the things you want to write about."

Piper frowned, "Okay now I'm more confused than ever."

"I mean, let the pen do all the writing and the words will just form themselves."

"Is that what you do?"

"Yeah and it totally works, just try it."

Piper bent over her work again, discarding the elaborate and detailed essay plan she had so painstakingly made and instead started from scratch turning over to an empty page. She couldn't help but notice Alex's triumphant smile briefly flash across her eyes.

After half hour or so, Piper looked up after being shook by the shoulder, "What?"

"Wow! Look at how much you've written." Alex exclaimed in genuine surprise, craning her neck as she skimmed over Piper's work. "Told you it'd work."

Their eyes catch in a moment of soft silence.

Piper feels her gaze drift over Alex's face, momentarily pausing over her lips before suddenly realising what she was doing and heatedly looked back down at her work.

The thing was Piper liked sitting next to Alex during their Biology and English class. Liked watching her smile – a smile that Piper had come to name the Alex-smile; it was a sort of a half-smirk coupled with a twinkle of the eyes. And each time she saw it, it set her heart on edge with a strange wanton energy, logs of fire becoming ignited: all bright and new. Piper liked the little innocuous touches Alex always had a propensity for, her constant fixing of glasses thing she did whenever she was passionately explaining some random fact she had read somewhere to her.

They also talked _a lot._ On their way to class, after class and sometimes even during class.

Alex would lean over Piper's desk and whisper something to her she had suddenly remembered, like she had to tell Piper right in that moment - a point from their many serious discussions about art or science or why Joseph from their AP English was always picking his hair (they had settled on a bad case of head lice as a reasonable explanation). It made Piper feel so goddamn important _and_ wanted. Alex had an uncanny way of making her feel she was the only person on the planet and make everything else just fade into the background.

There were days when they hardly saw each other so Piper would find herself pretending she had to walk past the south block of school, incidentally where Alex's next class was, _even_ though it meant she had to jog all the way back to the north block for her double calculus class. But it was so worth it to have caught even a glimpse of Alex duly concentrating on whatever Ms Parker was teaching her about American History (Alex _loved_ History) something about the way she scrunched her nose together or how she always chewed the end of her pens to no end did something to Piper's heart. It was just so ridiculously stupid and silly and not all that significant but it never failed to make it any less endearing. The more time they'd spent together, meant they had already made their own secret wordless language; a look there, a wink here, a smile, a shake of the head.

On occasion Alex would suddenly turn around as if sensing Piper was standing by the door- catch her blatantly staring and slowly wink across at her - delivering this knowing toothy grin that would have Piper light up like a New Year's firework. Alex would never mention their run ins whenever they were sat together in the canteen or huddled together in the library, they always carried on as if the last time they'd seen each other was in their shared classes.

Alex was also apparently much more adult than Piper would have guessed, discovered when Alex had been driving them to school a couple of weeks back. They'd been so caught up with some 90s number blaring out of the radio to have noticed Alex had accidentally driven through a red light. All Piper remembers was how totally unfazed Alex was when they'd been stopped by a policeman, while Piper was busy setting out the woeful trajectory of her future as a result of their brush in with the law.

Alex had simply laughed when she had told her of this, about to practically shit her pants when the less than impressed gaze of the policeman bore into them, parting dubious statistical information over the number of accidents caused by red light runners. When they were let off with just a warning, Alex had lit a cigarette and chuckled, "You were worried about us getting a speeding ticket, and _I_ was fucking about to crap myself that cop was going to discover my stash of green I keep in the glovebox, I mean good job he didn't have those sniffer dogs with him, otherwise we'd have been toast." The sharp intake of breath Piper had taken just after that blasé statement near enough rivalled the strength of a vortex in a tornado. "Relax I was just joking." Alex said, brazenly blowing out puffs of smoke out of the window, before lazily pointing out toward the trunk of the car. "I keep it out in the back, away from prying eyes."

Piper had near enough exploded.

Their friendship just blossomed into an easy harmony.

* * *

When Piper caught herself inadvertently searching for Alex, in the corridor, in the canteen, the library - she scolded herself. But her ridiculous behaviour paid off a week or so later.

The first time she had seen Alex was when Piper was on her way home. She was sat somewhere in the middle of the bus, drowning out the cacophony of students with her earphones, her head leaning against the window, absentmindedly watching the scenery pass by.

The bus stops at a traffic light when she spots Alex walking along the sidewalk, backpack slung over her shoulders and hands in her pockets. Without really thinking, Piper raps on the window, and sure enough Alex looks up, who instantly breaks into a wide grin when she spots Piper waving at her, an equally goofy smile pulling at her own cheeks. Without so much as a second thought, Piper jumps out of her seat, glad to leave the sweltering heat of the bus and practically jumps off the bus as soon as the doors are pressed open by the reluctant driver who disapprovingly side eyes her but Piper is too happy too even notice.

She leans against a lamp-post, spotting Alex in the distance walking toward her. Suddenly Piper feels herself lose the earlier brashness slip away and instead have it replaced with a quiet nervousness, the sort of bundle of nerves that materialised when she was waiting for her results. She fumbles with the straps of her bag, readjusting them a few million times before she gives up on that. Piper doesn't even know whether to keep staring straight ahead or to just look down.

She opts to look down, studying her newly polished shoes, wishing she knew exactly how long it took for a person to walk fifty yards so that she could look up at the exact right moment.

'Hey you." Alex's soft voice drifts into her ears.

Piper sheepishly looks up, "Hey."

"I'm not going to ask why you got off the bus when you're only halfway home."

"Oh I just wanted some fresh air." She said as airily as possible. "Plus that bus was getting way too hot."

"Oh." Alex smirks, "So it wasn't because you saw me?"

Piper knows Alex's grin is growing wider by the second so she just gives her what she wants which was incidentally also the truth, "You may have been walking up at the exact time I decided to vacate the bus."

"Wow, good job I timed my walking pace in tune with your decision making then."

"Okay you can cut it out now." Piper begins to walk, waiting for Alex to fall into step beside her, watching her as she lit a cigarette and blew out a puff of smoke.

"You don't mind?"

"What? The getting cancer part or the smoke?" Piper throws.

"I take it you don't want one?" Alex laughs, "Blame Spencer, he got me into these bad boys."

"Spencer?" Piper tilts her head at Alex, who was just smirking to herself, puffing out o shaped circles of smoke. "The stoner who rarely even comes school and when he does is...is always _stoned_ out of his mind. Really Alex?"

"Hey! He's nice, when you get to know him. He's a surprisingly good in debate class...that's when he's not tripping."

" _You_ went to debate class?" Piper asks incredulously, unable to even imagine Alex indulging in preppy extracurricular activities like _debate society._

 _"_ Why is that surprising?" Alex asks, her mouth thrown into a smile, like she already knows the answer.

"Come on, Alex, you hate Parkslope girls who think they're better than everyone else and debate class is pretty much their habitat and also you have a very well documented history of vocalising these very specific hates."

"You make me sound like such a snob, and for your record I _only_ went to a few classes eons ago, I guess curiosity got the better of me." She flicked some ash onto the ground, "Also, they do pizza night, and that is always a fucking bonus."

"I don't suppose you've been to Mr Eccles' philosophy class?"

"No, should I have done?"

"They have Taco Tuesdays."

Alex sighed for dramatic effect, "And you only tell me this today. Pipes, your afterschool club game needs to be way stronger than this."

They eventually reach the edge of town, having walked through the built up area of town and now found themselves walking parallel to the coast. The air grew considerably cooler here, the sea breeze dampening down the almost obnoxious heat clamping down on them. Piper glimpses at the sea glittering in the sun, white foam saturating the blue every few seconds. She had never really lived beside the sea, always living in woodland areas, having grown used to trees and plants than sea and sand. Alex catches her watching, and nudges her shoulder. "Wanna get some ice-cream?"

Piper breaks into yet another smile, "I thought you'd never ask."

* * *

They get novelty icecreams; the kind with scoops of cream laddered so high, they have to eat them in quick mouthfuls for fear of the whole thing imminenty collapsing over them.

"Fuck, brain freeze!" Alex yelps accordingly after a few giant mouthfuls.

"Wuss."

"Your words of great sympathy are noted."

"That's what happens when you eat at like a thousand miles an hour." Piper giggles.

"I'm in a dire predicament of letting this beauty go to waste." Alex points at the ice cream, already melting in the humid heat. "Or let myself die of brainfreeze." Alex solemnly declares as she clutches her head in faux pain. "Remind me to laugh at you when-"

"Shiiitt!" Piper exclaims, just as she gets her own comeuppance. "Brain freeeeeze!"

"Who's the wuss now?" Alex jests, a grin full of self-satisfied mirth pulling at her cheeks while successfully dodging a glob of vanilla ice cream Piper just flicked.

Sometimes, Piper thought she spoke too soon.

Alex insists they try the town's only funfair which is also home to an inordinate amount of town memorabilia, everything from keyrings to stuffed bears were either presented as prizes or sold as souvenirs. "Is this town popular or something?" Piper asks, just as Alex wins a ridiculous pink stuffed elephant emblazoned with the town's insignia on its chest, at the shoot the cans stall. "It's a tourist magnet in the summer, wait 'till it gets to the winter, you'll realise even a graveyard is more dead than this place."

"Here," Leaning against the counter, Alex later offers her the elephant, "A present from me to you."

"You just don't wanna carry it because it clashes with your tough girl look." Piper teases but gaily accepts the present.

"You really have got me pegged, Pipes, and here I thought I was being subtle."

"Nothing subtle about your expression when you realised you didn't win the weird looking emo bear."

Alex laughed out loud. "I thought you were busy admiring my to die for gunmanship skills to have even noticed."

Piper just rolls her eyes, finding herself enjoy the impromptu detour more than she should have and it wasn't only the stalls she owed to that fact. She liked to walk beside Alex, watching her point out interesting things, commenting on the food and the rides and the people. It was nice to listen to Alex's teasing in real time, admiring her wit and never-ending sarcasm. It was surprisingly nice to see Alex be so enthusiastic over the town's history, giving out snippets of information as they sauntered deeper through the fair.

They walked to the far back, Alex guiding her forward with her hand on the small of Piper's back, until they reached what looked like the fair's biggest attraction; a roller coaster. A maze of gravity-defying metal that apparently held the world record for the most vertical drop, something Piper didn't particularly consider as something to boast about. "Come on, Piper." Alex willed her when she noticed Piper's less than excited look. "You'll love it."

"You expect me to go on that?" She asked, knowing that regardless of her reservations she'd be up there in the next fifteen minutes.

There were many things Piper had learned about Alex, and being damn persuasive was another thing she was learning today. So it had been no more than ten minutes when she found herself strapped in a surprisingly comfortable seat somewhere near the back of their cart. Alex wanted the front but Piper refused on grounds of safety, insisting that the front carriage was statistically more likely to crash should such a remote possibility occur, so Alex had reluctantly conceded.

A few minutes later, the carriage lurched forward beginning its journey to the very top. Piper closed her eyes, feeling it climb higher and higher until it eventually got to a gradual halt. She sprung her eyes open; they were at the highest possible point, the sparkling sea on their left and the sprawling town on their right, the sky clear blue as far as their eyes could see. The view was nothing short of spectacular and for a moment Piper forgot she was strapped onto a seat, in a roller coaster that was about to make a rapid descent to god knew where.

Her heart was hammering against her chest in annoying anticipation and her hands felt more clammier than usual. And as though Alex could register her nervous energy, she gently grabbed hold of Piper's hands, their fingers clasping together, all the while throwing Piper nods of reassurance. "The rush when we're going down is going to be amazing, I promise."

Piper's gaze rose slowly, greeted with the vivid green of Alex's eyes, dazzling in the summer gleam. For a second she thought the coaster was already hurtling down the tracks, a kind of dropped-stomach feeling unexpectedly hitting her. Embarrassed, she flicked her gaze away instead grabbing onto the safety bars more tightly than deemed necessary.

It was only after Alex added. "Trust me," that Piper realised they _hadn't_ even moved yet.

"You good?"

Piper found her voice, "Yeah."

Sure enough, her heart slowed down in accordance and she felt herself relaxing back into her seat - just focusing on the warmth of Alex's hands encircling hers and the tenderness of her voice.

They inch forwards and the cart tilts downwards, before it momentarily stopped, permitting them an impressive birdseye view of the entire fair; full to the brim with miniature people ambling around.

A few premature screams ring around them, and then suddenly they're shooting down. The air rushing past them, making Piper feel as though she was weightless and flying. It was a euphoric rush of adrenaline mixed with excitement, made even greater when she caught Alex throw her a wink when they catch each other's eyes.

Piper returns her possibly biggest smile to date.

And then it was over way too soon.

"That was awesome!" Piper yelled still riding high from the avalanche of endorphins buzzing through her.

"I told you so." Alex had to add as they walked off the jelly-like feeling in their legs. They sit on one of the many benches dotted around the open spaced green area, slightly away from the heart of the fair. "God, I've not been on that thing for the last few years and it brings back a whole load of memories."

"Yeah?" Piper plucked at the grass, basking in the warm rays of the sun, watching Alex get out her phone and produce a set of earphones. "Want one?"

Piper takes one without saying anything and pops it into her ear, soon met by the steady thrum of an indie number she hadn't heard of but actually liking it.

"Yay or nay?" Alex asks as the vocals fade into silence.

She flicks her thumb up. "Although, I'm surprised it's not _The XX."_

"I do have a wide breadth of music taste, It's _Poison_ by _The Vaults."_

Piper nods slowly, "Never heard of them."

"They're not a very well known band."

Piper shoots her a teasing look, "I don't suppose you found them through the more conventional routes of YouTube or Spotify?"

Alex pulls a face, like Piper had just suggested whether she was a Backstreet Boys fan or not. "Oh no, I take a merry jaunt to real dingy record stores and actually forage through ancient dusty shelves filled with vinyls to find super obscure albums and EPs only a handful of people have listened to." Alex smiles. "The less people who've heard it, the better."

"But you're letting me listening to it."

"Yeah but I like you, Pipe."

"..."

* * *

The week after the holidays, Alex presents Piper with a flyer advertising a karate class hosted by Mr Keenan, the physical education teacher who was nearing his eighties but somehow was still employed by the school and allowed to teach physical education of all classes.

"You in?"

Piper smirked, "Why not."

A couple of days later Piper finds herself by the grace of god or by some other deity, she wasn't entirely sure which - grappling with Alex on the gym mat in the canteen that doubled up as a gym, surrounded by a few others sat in a sort of semi-circle, all taking it in turns to face their opponents. Thankfully, the class had been categorised as novice which meant the opposition wasn't that well versed in karate, considering it was mostly attended by a bunch of guys thinking they were going to channel their inner _karate kid_ and a handful of girls just ogling at the severely undertoned prepubescent guys, Piper was finding it surprisingly easy to master her less than equipped opponents.

"Well done, Piper!" Mr Keenan shouted from the sidelines. "Grab them there, yeah that's good, and hold! And hold and hold!"

"Yeah, Piper. Grab and _hold."_ Alex's smug voice finds it's way to Piper's ears.

"I thought you used to teach this." Piper gasped, already feeling triumphant she was going to win this match. Piper had managed to slam Alex onto the mat during the very first minute and since then had mostly been leading the match. "You're not very good at this."

No sooner had she said this, Piper felt herself being pushed down onto the mat, Alex's heavy breathing hot on her neck, tilting her backward and essentially trapping her in place. "You were saying, Chapman?"

A bunch of ooh's rang out as everyone sat up a bit straighter, eagerly watching the tables turning.

"C'mon, Piper! Don't give up that easily!" Keenan's gravelly voice shouted somewhere from the sidelines. "You were doing great!"

The remark spurred Piper's muscle memory on and she twisted her body around, trying to find a way to stand up and loosen Alex's hold. Alex momentarily stopped moving, presumably amused by the sudden participation on Piper's part. "Finally." Piper heard her whisper into her ear. "An actual two-sided match, I was getting majorly bored."

Piper only rolled her eyes in response, "Alex, you always think you're so tough."

"I don't _think_ it. I actually am." Alex smirked as she clamped Piper's wrist back, pinning against the floor.

"Wow, delusional as well as totally full of yourself." Piper threw back, struggling to roll over and just by an inch able to stand up, albeit bent at the waist.

"I'm just quoting facts, made evident by my arm currently around your neck, inches away from a chokehold."

"Like I said...totally delusional." Piper manages to hit back, just as she lost her footing and landed awkwardly on her back ( again )

"You have an awful lot to say for someone in the process of being beaten." Alex straddled Piper, her weight pressing down on her, effectively trapping her in place, so that she had no possible way of moving. Piper watched Alex wipe the sweat off her face, the muscles of her tattooed arm flexing in tune, her eyes twinkling with hard won triumph and a touch of teasing smug.

Piper willed herself to breathe, floundering under Alex's stare, without her glasses, Piper could really appreciate the incredible green-blue of them, piercing right through her.

"You're so irksome. _"_ Piper throws back, if only to break Alex's hypnotising glare.

"Irksome?" Alex beamed, blithely echoing her back. "You know when you use these big fancy words, it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside."

Piper can feel herself turn an alarmingly similar shade to the red gym mat she was lying on. Maybe it was the adrenaline coursing through Piper, that made her feel woefully bold to be able to pull the next few words out, "I guess I'll have to start using fancy words more often then."

Alex's lips curled into a mischievous smile, "Hmmm, multi-syllabic words."

"Vause!"

They both jerked around.

"You won...You do know you can get off her now?" Keenan broke the spell Piper seemed to have cast under, both of them exchanging sheepish grins as they disentangled from each other and walked back to their spots in the semi-circle, the next bunch of opponents already walking up.

Piper wasn't sure what had just happened, but whatever it was, she welcomed it entirely.

.

.

.

* * *

 _AN: Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter...regular updates from now on! I promise :)_


	4. Don't worry I'll break your fall

4\. Don't worry. I'll break your fall

* * *

.

.

.

"She's a typical rich girl from the 'burbs, hailing from somewhere upstate." Nicky supplied. "I mean she cites her mom as her best friend for fuck's sake! Meanwhile in the real world, my mom and I are sworn enemies who have may as well have signed a reluctant treaty stating we won't try to kill each other."

Alex couldn't help but laugh at the irony in Nicky's rant. Nicky's family were stinking rich and lived in the other side of town - the mini Beverly Hills sect where every household had a chauffeur driven car and a gardener named Juan, amongst other opulent things. Naturally, the offspring ended up being enrolled at Helmston Preparatory school- a school so posh and snobbish - lessons like horse-riding and archery were considered essential life skills. "That shit would be useful if I was transported back to the 15th century and was resurrected as Robin fucking Hood." Nicky had scoffed after she told Alex during one of their many weed-meets.

"Isn't that what you are, though?" Alex laughed. "A typical rich gal from the lands of green suburbia. You and Lorna are practically made for each other."

Alex shielded her eyes from the sun glare as she continued to lend a lazy ear to Nicky's onslaught over Lorna: Nicky's apparent object of annoyance. Alex felt she knew more about this Lorna than the girl probably herself did: all the way from her supposed love for red lipstick, down to her toilet habits. Alex had realised after the first few weeks of 24/7 Lorna talk that no one - absolutely no one talked so much about someone - not unless they had unrequited love feelings for them.

"...And she wears those rubber bracelets with the names of a 101 charities printed across them." Nicky heedlessly continued. "I mean that shit was popular in like 2004."

"You already told me this...your point being?"

"That is the point."

Alex shrugged her shoulders, holding onto the wooden farm fence they were both sat on. "Maybe she's really passionate about those charities?'

Nicky scoffed unconvinced, she takes the proffered joint from Alex and inhales a deep drag, tilting her head back, "Oh come on…preppy valley girls wear those fucking things so that they can appear edgy and charitable."

"And exactly how is that a bad thing?" Alex asked as she snatched the joint back again; "I fail to see the logic in this compelling argument of yours."

"Vause, you're my supposed friend which means your job is to just nod and agree, however illogical I'm being."

"Okay, okay sorry." Alex held her hands up in surrender, "What a total fucking bitch for supporting those poor starving children wallowing in poverty. How dare she? She needs to be strapped to the electric chair and be fried for these inhumane crimes."

Nicky simply rolled her eyes at the sarcasm, "Oh fuck off, Vause."

Alex jumps off the fence, stands up and grabs Nicky by the knees, "Look dude, back in my day, people just asked people they like out on a date…instead of vilifying them over their acts of philanthropy."

"Don't think I haven't tried." Nicky says flatly, looking away. "She's got her eye on this ranch boy who's recently joined the school. I mean, I don't even know what she sees in the guy." She mutters more to herself than to Alex. "He's got the world's worst acne... that he doesn't treat because he preaches god made him that way, not to mention rumour has it he's into bestiality."

At that Alex laughs out loud, nearly dropping the joint into the grass. She leans over to pick it up but instead sways precariously for a second. Nicky absently grabs hold of her t shirt and steadies her again which makes Alex realise just how much she had been smoking and it was only mid afternoon.

"You know it's not even funny." Nicky rolls her eyes in annoyance. "She's dead set on marrying the guy, and has even been cutting out wedding dresses out of brochures."

"That's pretty bad...have you asked her out yet?"

"How can I if she's won't even open her goddamn eyes and actually notice me?"

"Wait? Why are her eyes closed?" Alex asks confusedly, the weed messing with her ability to process information.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Nicky slaps the half lit joint out of Alex's hand and finishes it off in one single drag. "I don't even know why I tell you half of things that I do."

Alex attempts to redeem herself, "I'm sure she'll get her head together and soon realise you're obviously the better choice for her."

Nicky side-eyes her warningly before she heads toward Alex's pick-up, parked a few yards away, and shouts from the trunk. "Have you got any food on board this piece of shit?"

"Hey! That piece of shit got you of school and brought you here."

Nicky returns carrying an armful of Twinkies before she starts her own line of questioning. "And you...what's new in the grand life of Alex Vause?"

Alex hesitates a second too long and can see Nicky already raise her eyebrows in response, an ungodly amount of Twinkies hanging from her mouth, the cream filling smothering her mouth. "Ah yes!" She squeals in delight, half of the Twinkies falling out in a real gross fashion. "Come on, out you spill to mama Nichols."

"What are you talking about?" Alex asked, deciding to go down the playing-dumb route but knowing that would probably only give her about a minute of reprieve.

"Who is she? What does she look like? I want eeeeeveryyyything, down to every last dirty detail." Nicky notices Alex's hesitation. "Come on, I told you my woes so it's only fair you tell me yours." She makes herself comfortable, shoving a few more in her mouth. "Now who's the lucky gal?"

"Honestly, she's just a friend."

Alex really didn't want to talk about it. It sounded stupid but as much as a long term friend Nicky was, Alex wasn't keen to share Piper with her, worried that Nicky would tarnish her in some way and make her the butt of her many disgusting jokes.

"Friend?" Nicky spluttered. "I'm a friend."

"I can have more than one friend you know, god Nichols."

"That may be true, but your answer was to a question that asked 'who's the lucky gal?' - so she's obviously not a 'friend'."

"Like I said, she's just a literal friend."

"As opposed to a metaphorical one?" Nicky scoffed.

Somehow the label she gave Piper didn't quite sit right with Alex. Piper was more than just a friend, she was understanding and funny and a fucking laugh to be with. She was a force of nature that had lit up Alex's dark and gloomy days with such brightness, she'd felt blinded half the time, happily letting Piper guide her to wherever the hell she wanted to take her.

"So she's not lucky then?"

Alex could feel her defences rising, and tried her hardest to avoid Nicky's knowing glare. She pursed her lips, "Her name's Piper. Piper Chapman and if you really have to know she's the new girl who started a while back and happens to be one of the few people who doesn't hate me."

God that came all out all wrong. Alex had made Piper sound like she was some sort of Mother Teresa who had defied high school cliques, had done the courageous thing and against all odds had spoken to the loner kid.

"You know that sounds suspiciously similar to those hipster romances where the hot girl falls for the guy with the quirky taste in music and speaks in weird analogies and metaphors."

"Whatever."

Nicky looks Alex squarely in the eye, "What did you just tell me, huh? Go for it, if you like them."

Alex doesn't meet her eyes. "Can we talk about something else now?"

"Well let me know when you start dating, that's if you haven't already. I'll try and impart all the bedroom tips I have collected over the years."

"She's straight." Alex blurts out, just like that. Like that has any bearing on the direction of their conversation. at all.

They both knew she had totally dodged the 'dating' part of that previous statement but Nicky didn't call her up on it and instead said in her mock wise tones. "Every girl's straight until she encounters the right mould of finger that bends her into queer."

"Wow. I'm actually going to pretend I didn't hear that."

"Like I said." Nicky began in that really annoying supercilious voice Alex hated, "Just keep me updated so I can be ready with my I told you so's."

Alex finished the last remnants of the joint and flicked it onto the grass before heading back toward her pick-up. The frizzled-haired girl feigns mock-hurt. "Worried I'm going to be fucking right, Vause?"

No, actually. Alex was hoping Nicky was going to turn out to be right.

She doesn't think she's ever hoped for something as fiercely as she was now.

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.

.

Her father had cheated exactly six times.

Piper had learnt her ABCs at the tender age of four years old. Had learnt to count to twenty at five. And had tallied up her father's affairs at the age of twelve.

She'd always been good at counting.

Bill Chapman was a man who liked his tailored suits and sharp pressed shirts, even wearing them in the house, indulging in the sense of power and grandiosity they brought him. Where other people cited family or a favourite bed or a hot bath after a long day's work, as their creature comforts, his was young mistresses and the malt whisky he kept in their wine chambers.

He was a man who revered his position as the patriarch of the house. When Bill Chapman was home - home became just a house where several people who happened to share a surname resided.

That evening they were sat around the dinner table. An occurrence Piper always tried her hardest to avoid, but her father directly calling her down had ruined Piper's plans of spending the rest of the night in her room. So she reluctantly walked down the stairs, already thinking of texting Alex the second dinner was over. Piper could already see herself facetiously regaling the super annoying dinner thing they did as a family to Alex, and make it seem like something that was no big deal and not at all anxiety-inducing. Piper wondered what dinner was like at Alex's house, her and her mother, sharing a pizza and watching some stupid comedy, laughing and sharing the happenings of their respective days.

Piper found her place around the table and determinedly kept her head down. They had already gone through the predictive rounds of updating each other over anything significant that had occurred during the past week. Cal had a new science project that 'needed a lotta work', her mother had gone to the new salon that had opened not far from their house and Bill had hired a new secretary who also doubled up as a receptionist.

Piper had met Alex - that was her significant story. Alex who made her laugh and brought the best out of her, who invaded her thoughts most nights. Alex who she was already thinking of seeing tomorrow.

Instead she murmured something about running for school council.

"I'm glad you're fitting in, darling." Her mother said, a tinge of relief coating her words.

The next few minutes was silent. The only sounds made was the occasional scrape of knives and forks against plates.

Her father suddenly speaks. The question more of a statement than something that warranted an actual answer. "Have you started preparing for your college applications?"

Piper pushed her fork down and wiped her mouth. "It's still a year away, father."

His eyes narrowed in that way they did when he didn't approve of her answer, and it always had Piper scrambling for an alternate, more acceptable answer. So she quickly added, "I mean, we're in the middle of exams at the moment so I thought once all that was over, I could start focusing on college and-"

Apparently it had been the wrong answer, "You do understand competition to get into NYU business school is brutal? Matthew and Sarah's kid has already short-listed which colleges he wants to go to."

Piper can feel a familiar anxiety brewing in the pits of her stomach, the food in front of her suddenly adding to her increasing nausea. She hated these conversations, feeling trapped by her father's words, unable to miss the waves of disapproval already beginning to drown her. Dry-swallowing she looks up, "But-"

He cuts her off, "It seems your mother and I are more invested in your future than you are." He places his fork down and crosses his arms in front of him. "What exactly are you planning with your life, Piper?"

The question mapped out the direction of the conversation so clearly. This was a journey Piper had traversed often. She was a seasoned traveller, but although the path familiar, it was one she always lost her way through.

Her mother slowly stopped eating. Cal kept his head down, trying his best in avoiding any eye contact, the tension already misting up the table.

"I thought since I'm good at English..."

"English?" He cuts her off again, and says it like she'd suggested she was going to become a prostitute.

Piper doesn't respond, feeling her nerves slide down her body and pool somewhere beneath her chair.

"You know what, Piper." He sighs wearily as though they had this conversation so many times prior, its repetition beginning to tire him. "You need to stop living in this fantasy land."

"It's not a fantasy…" She says automatically but regrets it when her father's eyes narrow and she hears the sharp intake of breath from her mother.

"Tell me." His voice is barely audible, the words hissing out in one single stream. "Tell me how an english degree is going to lead to a respectable career that pays the bills and puts food on the table? Tell me how you are going to start living the life we've tried so hard to make easy for you? Just tell me how you're going to start respecting your parents?"

The chair Piper is sat on all of a sudden feels unstable and rickety. Or maybe it's the shake from her body that gave that illusion. She collects all the confidence she can and mutters in faltering breaths. "I'm good at it and I enjoy it, father." With effort, she forces her voice to remain steady and conversational, keeping it within the permitted decibel range. "Doesn't that count toward something?

But her father has other plans. A muscle just over his eyes begins to twitch, erratic and irregular. Piper can't stop staring at it, realising with strange contentment that it has become a sort of warning signal for her to stop talking and accept whatever it was he demanded off her. Over the years, she has become attuned to her father's various tics that pre-warned his impending anger - and like the good girl she was - always behaved accordingly.

"Towards what exactly?" He cocks his head, "Because all I can hear is an ungrateful child thinking she knows better than her own parents. Thinking she has forty-five years of experience harnessed under her belt." His own words seemed to trigger a dormant anger. "All I hear is petulance and deliberate defiance and frankly it's making me wonder why we bothered at all."

"Bill…I think-"

"I'm speaking to our daughter, don't interrupt me." He turns back to Piper. "I suggest you become invested in your own future, Piper. We've done _our_ part."

An uncomfortable silence hovers just above the table.

"I _am_ invested." Piper feels herself suddenly snap in half. "I don't want to do business or go to NYU college or do whatever the fuck you're wanting me to do...just because _you_ want to." Her mother near enough yelps, eyes full of horror. Cal looks up, his expression drawn into one of tentative admiration.

Fuelled by anger and desperation, Piper pushes her chair back - so hard the legs scrape harshly against the linoleum floor - and stands up, breathing hard. "Mother, might accept the _bullshit_ you spout, but I'm not, father."

Bill's mouth sets into a thin line of distaste, his pupils darkened and hateful. "You disgusting, silly girl." He stands up, angrily swiping a glass off the table, causing it to shatter across the floor. "How dare you talk to me in this manner?"

"Have you heard yourself?"

"Get out my house." He all but whispers. "I always knew you were a waste."

"You're a cheat."

A silence falls across the table, so quiet and unforgiving.

But then Piper feels herself returning to reality, the dinner table appearing. Still sat at the table, still quiet. Just as receptive and unblinking to his onslaught as she'd always been. Still obedient as ever.

"We know best." Her father says sternly, eyes blazing, "I know best, don't you ever forget that." A cruel sneer formed across his face and he leaned forward, eyes bearing straight into hers, daring her to disagree with him.

Piper tries to breathe deeply. Tries to force much needed air into her lungs, but it feels as though someone had snapped a belt around her chest, tightening and tightening it further, her lungs screaming out in protest. She blindly pushes her chair back, swaying slightly. Why was the room so wavy? Why did the ground feel like she was walking on quicksand? She heard her father's voice taking on a strange underwater quality but still able to hear the anger through it. "Where do you think you're going? I'm not finished."

"Pipe?" Her brother calls out anxiously.

"I n-n-need to go." Her voice was thinning, "Sorry, I'm just going to my room."

Piper staggers upstairs, unsure whether she was able to even scale the stairs, if at all reach her room. With measured difficulty she whips the door to her room open, locks it from the inside and slams her back against it. It feels like her heart was going to fall out of her chest, her hands slide down to her knees, bent at the waist she tries to concentrate on normalising her breathing. Slowly, Piper feels her senses returning, the tightness in her chest disappearing, and she finally manages to stand up straight and gingerly sit down on her bed.

Piper wasn't even rebellious enough to play obnoxiously loud music or slam the door to her bedroom like those kids in teen movies always did when they wanted to sound their anger at their parents. Instead she grabbed her earbuds, whacked the volume of her iPod to maximum - trying and hoping to drown out her father's voice that was still reverberating against her eardrums, his words vying for entry into her brain. Piper kept jamming the button trying to further increase the volume - even though her ears began to hurt and a headache was already starting to develop. But she could still hear him, could still hear the disapproval and anger, even through the chorus of music. Romy's voice just wasn't strong enough to compete with her father's.

She suddenly thought of Alex.

Alex with her dumb, teenage smile, grinning like an idiot when she'd scored a bullseye at the fair stall. Them goofing around in the park, when the sun had been setting, just being silly and carefree.

Alex had opened up a part of Piper she had had kept under lock and key. But it was more than that, Piper liked being in her presence; they could be doing something as pedestrian as walking or exchanging homework books, and it would still leave Piper a thousand times more happier than if she'd just been told she had gotten into Smith. Piper remembers the sensation of Alex tenderly holding her hand, whispering words of reassurance in her ears. The way her voice dipped, each word a feather light caress that always made Piper's skin feel way too tight.

Piper doesn't know when Alex had become the one positive constant in her life. Her own life had always been a series of chaotic snapshots, shoved messily into the album labelled 'life'. She had never been unhappy in her life but had never been happy either. Piper had lived a content life – yes, that's it. One that was just there and existing. Something of which she'd long accepted and yet when she'd met Alex the word 'content' had quickly been scratched away from her dictionary and instead had it replaced with words like 'joy' and 'euphoric' and 'exaltation'. To the point where she was unable to even comprehend the life she had lead before that.

She lies spread-eagled on her bed, fixing her gaze on the clock above her. The second hand had swept around three times before she even contemplated anything. What Piper wanted most was to scream and cry, at least until the whirlwind of fresh anger and old fears finally quieted in her mind. So the cried. But the thing was, there was no one to hear.

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A knock sounded.

Alex looked up from the book she'd been reading her brows narrowing into a deep-set frown. She doesn't remember telling anyone to come round tonight, not that anyone ever did anyway. The fact that only a handful of people knew where she and her mom lived narrowed down the probability of visitors coming round quite significantly - especially when this handful included the FedEx man and the guy who reset their security alarm on occasion.

Also her mom was working a double shift tonight so wouldn't be home for at least another few hours.

Dropping her book, Alex walked over to the door and swung it open. She couldn't hide her surprise when she was greeted with the sight of a rain drenched Piper stood on her doorstep. Her hair was plastered across her forehead, the soaked clothes weighing down on her, looking as though she was carrying the weight of the world over her shoulders.

"Piper?" Alex regarded her with quiet bewilderment, her mind juggling a thousand possible reasons as to why she was here so unannounced, "What are you doing here?"

Alex suddenly felt that familiar feeling of niggling doubt wrap itself around her back, self-conscious of someone other than her or her mom seeing where she lived and slept. She unconsciously prepared herself for judgment, already attempting to view the apartment through Piper's fresh eyes.

Even if she lived in a god-damn president's palace, Alex would never be able to shake off that innate need for approval and acceptance, like she was distrustful of not being able to live up to people's expectations. Years of living in a one bedroom flat furnished with only the bare necessities had done that to her. Hanging your clothes on the radiators and bannisters because you didn't have a tumble-dryer. Foregoing lunch (and dinner sometimes) because you had to stretch the remaining food until the end of the week. A home where peeling wallpapers and moulding walls and mismatched home decor was the norm.

"You said that…" Piper suddenly stopped and shook her head as if admonishing herself for ever even coming over, her gaze never leaving the floor. When Alex finally catches sight of her blue eyes, glittering with a wetness that was more from just droplets of rain, or the way the blue of them was rimmed with a puffy redness that betrayed she'd been crying, does Alex realise how truly thoughtless and ill-timed her worries were.

Before Alex has a chance to say anything further, Piper was already turning around. "I shouldn't have-" She bit her bottom lip, closing her eyes in a gesture of weariness and regret. "I don't know what I was thinking," Her eyes are downcast, her gaze away from Alex, "I'm really sorry." She takes a few steps backwards and staggers back into the rain. It was blistering down hard now, almost three weeks without rain and relentless sunshine, was making it feel as though the earth's reserve of rain was being released all at once.

Recovering from her initial surprise, Alex instinctively sweeps forwards, "Piper! Stop." She runs outside after her, instantly getting soaked through, the rain so thick and heavy, it felt as though Alex was wading through a river. She saw Piper's pace falter. Spurred on by her split-second hesitation, Alex quickly walks up beside her, and without saying a word, circles her hands around her waist . Thankfully she doesn't object. Grateful, Alex leads her back inside, a further hundred questions already pooling in her mouth.

.

.

.

Alex didn't let go of her.

Not through the tiny hallway, not in the living room when she felt Piper's racking sobs through her own chest, a roaring need to turn her around and envelop her in a hug all too great. Neither did she when she guided Piper to her own place of solace. They staggered into her bedroom, so small it barely had the capacity to accommodate the both of them. Nor did Alex let go when they eventually sat down on the bed.

One minute passed in silence. Two. Three. Ten minutes.

Alex counted to a slow hundred, and an attempt at some lightheartedness she mumbled, "If you told me you were coming, I would have had a change of clothes at the ready."

For the first time, Piper looked up, her face bottled tears that were about to shatter, Alex didn't think Piper had even registered what she had just said, her eyes had a faraway look about them, completely dejected and hopeless.

Alarmed, Alex rescinded her words, "Piper, what's up? Really?"

Piper's face crumpled at this, and she shook with sobs, eventually finding a window of speech, "I don't want to go to NYU. I don't want to do business or maths…or…or anything to do with numbers." Piper's eyes locked with hers but they weren't really focused. "Why can't anybody understand that?"

Alex senses this was more than just being able to go to the right college,

Only slightly relieved it wasn't something nearly as bad as what she had been envisioning, Alex allows an almost imperceptible grin, she dips her head to murmur into Piper's ear, "You can do whatever you want, kid. No one, absolutely no one can force you to do something you have no interest in doing." She slung her arm over Piper's shoulders, pulling her closer, shocked at how cold and waxy her skin was but Alex didn't let it show. "Since my reputation precedes me, give me a time and place, and I'll exercise those menacing looks of mine. That'll soon have them change their minds."

Piper hiccuped a watery laugh and nodded against her shoulder.

"What happened?" Alex asked tentatively. "Really?"

She listens to Piper. The whole time her stomach turning in knots.

Piper finishes and it takes a minute for Alex to respond, "You know they can be as nasty and horrible as they are but you have to remember they don't define who you are and as stupid and cliche as it sounds; whatever life decisions you make are entirely your own."

"Yeah well, tell that to my parents, they have literally planned out my whole life out for me."

Piper's shoulders stiffened, the tension radiating off her as she murmured this. Alex felt a flash of anger cross her chest. She had only briefly met Piper's parents, not directly spoken to them but had spotted them in town from afar. They had struck Alex as aloof and rigid, one day when she had seen them exiting the town's grocery store; Carol clinging onto a designer bag, dressed to the nines, as though she was ready to attend a high society luncheon at any given moment, while she uncomfortably walked beside Bill, a tall and steely-eyed man with a penchant for possessing a wandering eye. "Absolutely nobody can tell you to do something you don't want to fucking do, Piper."

Piper looked up, momentarily halting her silent cries, "I really really want to believe you, Alex." Her expression was soft and innocent, and it was doing something to Alex that she could neither quality or quantify. She could feel Piper's hopeful expectation bouncing off her, at someone finally agreeing with her. It made Alex feel unworthy of holding such power in her hands.

"Believe me. When you're older and leading a life of your own and doing all things all the things you love, you'll realise you don't need your dad telling you what to do and how you're supposed to do it." She says with a fierce sincerity.

Alex watched her wipe the tears away. They stay silent on the bed for some time before Alex couldn't wait any longer, "You really need to get out of these clothes. I don't want you developing hypothermia on my watch."

"Oh sorry." Piper stands up and cranes her head back to where she'd been sat, a damp spot marking it. "I've ruined your bed as well." She laughed, a small forlorn sound that didn't quite make it into a proper laugh.

"Don't worry about that. I'll get you something more dry."

Alex jumped off the bed, suddenly needing to be doing something. She raided her wardrobe for something appropriate, finally managing to find a black tee shirt and a pair of oversized sweatpants.

"I hope you don't have a huge aversion to heavy metal bands." Alex chuckled over her shoulder. "I went through a rather snobbish phase where literally everything I wore had to be emblazoned with some rock band logo."

"Are you sure you're not still in that phase?" Piper nods at the Guns N Roses tee, a small smile lifting her lips.

"Do you want to be kept warm or not?" Alex can feel her chest beginning to unlock, the smile tugging at her cheeks too large for her face. She takes a deep breath in, the relief momentarily making her feel dizzy. Worryingly, Alex felt like she was on the verge of crying. She quickly masks the break in her voice with a soft chuckle.

"Well if you insist." The smile was more substantial now, involving the eyes. Piper's face suited the laughter _so_ much more than the cries and sadness.

Alex walked over and handed her the clothing. She squeezes Piper's shoulders. "I'll be in the kitchen when you're done. You better be hungry because I'm known to be a bit of a kitchen extraordinaire when it comes to my signature cheese toasties."

Piper places her hand over Alex's. "Can't wait."

The simple touch sent a wave of butterflies coursing through Alex's veins, their fluttering wings easing the horrible dread that had settled inside her.

Happy, Alex heads out of the room, reluctance weighing down her steps. She doesn't really want to leave Piper on her own, even if it's just her room. But her logic wins out and she walks to the kitchen gathering the bread and cheese, a strange temporary emptiness hitting her for a second before it quickly disappears.

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.

It's a little over an hour since Piper had come and just under half hour before Alex's mom came home. They'd finished their toasties, drank hot chocolate and were now currently slouched in front of the TV. The sofa was small, barely able to accommodate the both of them, so that they ended up almost sharing the same space; sat at opposite ends with their legs tangled. It was nice. Lovely, even. Alex kept glancing over at Piper, needing to be constantly reassured that she was okay and not crying, an odd sense of responsibility keeping her from fully engaging her attention to the television.

Although neither of them was really watching any of the inane shows that were flashing across the screen. Instead they'd talked about music and film and giggled over the high school gossip and rumours they'd collectively heard. Alex couldn't help but smile to herself when she'd noticed Piper slowly returning to her usual jaunty self. Each smile and laugh, an unlikely salve to her heart.

"Alex?" Piper's voice suddenly calls out, all soft and tentative.

Alex turns around, her eyes taking a second or two to focus in on Piper's form. The room had grown dark a while back. The sun had called it a day a long time ago but neither of them had really noticed. "Yeah"

"Thank you." She bites her lips like she's said something accidentally profound. She was too lovely, too nice, too goddamn endearing. "I mean thanks for listening and the clothes..."

"Don't worry about it." Alex feels her voice stumbling, her throat suddenly all tight and weird. In an attempt to appear casual she says, "It's kinda nice having you here. I was actually beginning to grow sick of my own company so your timing couldn't have been better."

"Yeah?"

"Oh totally."

"Even after I ruined your bed?"

"Uh huh." Alex lets out a tender laugh. "You should be relieved I happen to have more than one bed cover. Otherwise I would've had to send you packing."

They fall into an easy silence again.

It's moments like these where Alex finds it so very difficult to contain her affection for her. It's possibly a combination of Piper's soft, soft gaze and the way she regards Alex as the person who would never hesitate to pull her out of a sinking ship.

It's when Alex is walking to the kitchen and refilling their drinks, that it really strikes her. It's her, Piper.

Piper who throws her endless smiles from dawn until dusk.

Piper who gets so unnecessarily worried whenever Alex was struck by a stray tennis ball during their after school matches.

Piper who writes her dumb, little notes during Mr Hollister's class.

Alex falters in her step.

Because it hits her so hard. It's her. Piper. Who makes her feel like she's dived head first into deep water. The good kind, the warm Caribbean kind, that's all warm and crystal.

Alex turns around, leaning against the worktop watching Piper, in her borrowed Guns N Roses shirt and too big sweatpants, eyes still glistening and raw from her earlier crying, her cheeks all florid, but a content smile swept across her face.

And by god...all Alex wanted to do right now was walk up to her and kiss her senseless.

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* * *

 _AN: Thanks for the patience everyone. Love to hear your thoughts :)_


	5. only love can hurt like this

5\. Only love can hurt like this.

* * *

 _AN/ ( *sorry reupload from yesterday. Too many typos and inconsistencies but for some reason the entire chapter got deleted instead of replacing it.)_

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Weekends were always the worst. Alex didn't like to dwell on it but she had learned that there was an excessive amount of distance between Friday and Monday. She sometimes half-wished she could push the sun into the sky and pull the moon down, just to try and speed up the days.

She also didn't like to dwell on the reason her weekends suddenly seemed that much more longer. Of course, it had entirely nothing to do with the new girl who had started almost six months ago.

Alex's mom had already left for work. Nicky had bowed out of Alex's half-assed suggestion of smoking and drinking in the park. Though, in her defence, Nicky had been dragged to play hostess at her parents' charity function they held every summer, which hadn't stopped her from texting Alex a hilarious minute by minute running commentary of the event.

Nicky: _Oh fuck I'm serving hors d'oeuvres to this ancient guy with a tween clinging onto his arm. I'm NOT sure if grandfather or sugar daddy._

Alex: _You sound like you're having a ton of fun. Sarcasm x 1000_

Nicky: _Dude, imagine a mashup of Real Housewives and 90210 and you're nearly there. I mean I'm wearing a fucking floral dress...I'm in actual hell. What r you up to?_

Alex: _Sat in my PJs and lounging in bed. Win._

Nicky _: Fuck you. Also, Piper not there to keep your bed warm? ;)_

Alex: _Oh shit is that the signal? Unable to receive any more messages, bye bye_

Alex's phone pinged again but she threw it on her bed, wilfully ignoring Nicky's texts. She thought of calling Piper instead, start off with something witty and casual about how boring her day was going, if only to hear her voice.

Alex sat up, momentarily surprised. She was having a lot of those thoughts recently, which she wouldn't admit but had been increasing in both frequency and intensity. A sudden urge of wanting to hear Piper's voice, her laugh or a burning need to see her face and smile when they'd not seen each other for what hadn't even been a whole twenty four hours.

Or to touch her skin; they'd be sat together in class or on the bus and the almost pressing curiosity to reach out and stroke her cheeks or her hands would conjure out of nowhere, the aftermath of which was always so acutely jolting to Alex.

.

.

.

Alex had found out that there were things worse than a weekend.

A _whole_ Thanksgiving break.

Open text message:

 **(Friday 25th November)**

Alex: _How's your thanksgiving?_

Piper: _Too much turkey and tense extended family dinners_

Alex: _yay for too much turkey nay for jerry springer re-enactments_

Piper: _dad was arguing with Cal over how weed turns you into a crazy bath salt sniffing schizophrenic after he found some in his room_

 _(we don't do normal family conversations)_

Alex: _shit...no wonder i suddenly had these weird temptations to buy bath salts at Target_

 _Better stop before I lose my mental faculties as well._

Piper: _I_ _was going to ask for him to quote his sources but thought against it_

Alex: _you did the right thing_

Piper: _hope your thanksgiving's been better than mine_

 _i'm literally so done_

Alex: _watched two seasons of Dexter and possibly ate my weight in a certain flightless bird_

Piper: _the show with the scary murder man?_

Alex: _i was going to say nice family man with a passion for justice ( who happens to cut up people)_

Piper: _open to interpretation i guess._

 _also murder man_

Alex: _in other news: saw jessica wedge at the grocery store with her illegal douche boyfriend_

 _Piper: get out_

Alex: _he looks every bit as gormless as I imagined._

 _Think of the off-brand version of jim carrey but without the hair and brains_

Piper: _meanwhile im stuck here in awkward-ville with aunties i literally had no idea actually existed until a couple of days ago_

 _I'm sorry but why are there so many?_

Alex: _good news for you_

 _I'll cheer you right up_

 _only three more days left_

Piper: UGH but _why does it feel like a lifetime away_

Alex: _time always goes super slow when you've got something amazing to look forward to_

 _(aka me)_

Piper: _was gonna come up with something sarcastic but about to cry of how true that is_

Alex: _three more days_

Piper: * _seventy-two hours (sounds less when I say it in hours)_

Alex: _seventy-two MEASLY hours_

Piper: _absolutely tiny_

Alex: _microscopic_

 **(Saturday 26th November)**

Alex: _T minus two days!_

 **(Sunday 27th November)**

Piper: _T minus one day_

 **(Monday 28th November)**

Piper: _never have I ever looked forward to going back to school_

 _what is life_

Alex: _for me it's not the school part (wink wink)_

Piper: _saucy_

 _._

 _._

.

There's a sharp rap at the window, a closed fist tapping against the glass, soft and cautious. Immediately Piper scrambles out of bed and lurches towards the window because there's only one person she knows daring enough to climb to her window during this late evening.

Piper pulls back the curtains and sure enough kneeling on the horizontal-built roof; glowing amber-soft in the street lamps, is Alex, looking like the poster child for recklessness. She's waving at her and carrying a pack of what was obviously a rack of beer.

She looks as beautiful as ever, honeyed shadows cast over the sharp planes of her face but best of all is the huge stellar of a smile she's currently projecting at Piper.

Her chest warms up with mellow warmth that seems to engulf her whole. It suddenly occurred to her, this must be what sunsets were made of, the kind whose rays surged through the body and instantly made you feel alive.

Piper almost forgets Alex was still perched on the roof, so she hastily unlocks the window, sheepishly watching Alex clamber over the ledge and expertly jump into the room.

"Alex!" Piper momentarily forgets where she is and lunges full tilt at Alex, throwing her into possibly the most giddy and tightest hug. Alex hugs her back and whispers against her neck, "If this is the scale of warm reception I'm receiving, I should make my entries through windows all the time."

"Wow I've missed you. Is that too crazy considering it's been like five days?"

"Not at all."

"I was going to call you. Much safer than traversing over neighbourhood roofs."

"I wanted to make a grand entrance." Alex responds, all cocky and full of self-assuredness - like she hadn't just invited herself in - through the most unorthodox means _ever._ "I hope I haven't interrupted your siesta."

"Was about to head off to sleep though, and speaking of which, what has brought you here at stupid 'o clock?"

"Are you serious, it's like seven." Alex rolls her eyes, "Besides, I haven't seen you since like the last century." She purses her lips into a slow smile. "I had a sudden urge to remind myself what you looked like."

"Oh...but when you said you were coming, I didn't think it was going to be today _today."_

"You kidding me right?" Alex looks over her shoulders, "The amount calories expended on climbing that roof, not to mention the absolute danger and utmost skill it required..."

"I mean I thought that since it's Tuesday tomorrow, I just assumed..."

Alex waved her off, "Well if that's the case I better be heading back." And so all slow and exaggerated in her actions she slowly whirls around and heads back toward the window. She pointed at the beer. "I'm leaving those here, though."

"Alex..." Piper climbs off the bed and quickly walks toward her. "Wait."

"Well don't mind me..I'm just walking away with my tails between my legs."

"Well you're here now, so it'd be extremely shitty of me to tell you to go now, don't you think?"

Alex laughed, raising her brows "I don't want you to say yeah just because you're conscience is speaking to you, Pipes"

"Stay." Piper says in a soft voice, and lightly grabs Alex's hand in a gesture of emphasis, threading the pads of their fingers together "I mean it."

Alex looks down at their hands and then glances back up.

The thing was, the contact of hands had been a mistake on Piper's part - because now she had the strangest urge to _not_ let go.

Maybe it was because Alex looked so suddenly goddamn gorgeous; in her black tee and awfully bleached denim cut-offs that were contrasting with her lightly tanned skin, courtesy of too many hours in the sun...or maybe it was the warmth of her hands and the way their hold felt so familiar yet new. Their embrace lasted a second too long so that they exchanged awkward, shy looks before letting their hands quickly drop by their sides again.

Alex must have noticed too. Because she walks toward the far end of the bedroom, making a show of individually unpacking the beers from the casings - more pedantic than strictly necessary.

Thankfully the semi-awkwardness falls away when Alex throws her a can of beer and with her usual Alex wit adds, "Before you lament over the woes of alcohol as our only form of fun, I also brought with me these as a form of light entertainment for later should you wish for alternative means of fun."

"Cards against Humanity?" Piper pointlessly asks, peering at the box of cards Alex was holding aloft. "I've heard of this game."

"You've never played Cards against Humanity?" Alex says incredulously.

"Nope."

"Pipes, you haven't lived."

"Over eighteens only." Piper reads the small print on the side of the box out loud, "Should we really be playing this?"

"Age is just an arbitrary number." Alex begins solemnly as she begins laying the cards out on the carpet, "It only reflects the stages of life and not the level of maturity a person possesses."

Piper hesitantly concedes, more out her own morbid curiosity than anything else really, especially when she catches sight of some of the card statements, like; what is batman's guilty pleasure? (they were questions itching to be answered)

"Double the fun while under the spell of beer."

She walks past Piper but not before she leans forwards, her warm breath in Piper's ear, "Also I was meaning to say; that's a whole lotta pink you're wearing."

The blush she was currently fighting against slowly quashed the light thrill. To be fair, Piper had kind of forgotten she was wearing her two piece pink pyjama set her grandma had bought her a couple of Christmases ago. When she wore it, Piper did bear a certain striking resemblance to a giant piece of cotton candy. But she never had to impress the likes of Alex before, so had never thought anything of it.

Until tonight.

"You look...cute." And as though it was an afterthought quickly adds, "Cute as in girly, I mean."

By now that blush had already conquered most of Piper's face, feeling it's burns halfway down her neck. She now probably looked the exact shade of her ill-chosen pyjamas.

Luckily, Alex didn't comment any further, instead began to peruse Piper's bookshelf collection. "A guide to living a liberated life" Alex read out loud, she turned her head over her shoulder "Didn't know you were striving to become a hippy?" She looked down, making a point of tracing her gaze over Piper's shocking-pink PJs and obviously trying to hold in a smile, "Could have fooled me."

Piper didn't have an answer so just huffed and sat down on her bed. "You know you can give it a rest, you know."

Alex just broke into a chuckle. She pulled a chair from the desk, turned it around and straddled it, elbows resting on the back, as she held the book aloft and started reading from a random page. _"A liberated lifestyle opens up the potential for more freer thinking"_

"Does this mean I have a free pass in totally bunking school 'cause it dents my potential for creative thinking?"

"I wouldn't take it quite so literally."

"Nope, nope. I've made up my mind. Going to show this book as proof - next time Mr Hollister even thinks of giving me detention for voicing my honest opinions."

Piper couldn't help but laugh, "What? Opinions that include Jessica Wedge being a walking hoarder of STIs?"

"I may have stretched the truth there a tiny bit."

"Just don't make me an accessory in all this."

.

.

.

They were on the floor in Piper's living room, having just devoured a constellation of greasy food, that they're pretty sure contained at least half of their weight in fat which wasn't helped when they'd washed it down with sugar laden drinks. They'd been playing CaH for the last few hours when Piper announces, "Wanna watch a film?"

Alex lifts her head, having ended up practically lying spread-eagled on the carpet (they may have been drinking a fair amount). "Sure."

"I've managed to narrow it down to The Notebook, A Walk to Remember or maybe The Lucky one?"

"That's a pretty varied selection." Alex rolls her eyes. "Call me crazy but I actually like staying awake during films."

Piper scoffs "Sometimes I think you purposefully hate on mainstream films, some are pretty good you know."

Alex gets up and switches the TV on, "Where are your DVDs? I'll try and find something that doesn't send us off to sleep."

"You're such a snob." Although Piper concedes, "And we're not watching it here...c'mon."

Piper grabs Alex by the hand and leads her out of the living room and into a large darkened room that was camped out with at least ten recliner chairs, all facing a giant projector screen that took up most of the space of the far wall.

"Are you fucking kidding me? Your own cinema?" Alex exclaims, walking over to the shelves on either side, stacked to the brim with DVDs, tilting her head as she peruses the titles. "You kept that one quiet."

Piper shrugs her shoulders, "We don't really use it that much."

It was a spur of the moment thing her father had added to the house before they'd bought it. They had only sat together as family maybe two or three times, and each time it had felt like a forced affair.

It was as though her mom insisted they watch things together just because it gave the illusion of being a put together family. Really, it was more like her mom liking the abstract idea of _family_. Basically it was all about keeping up appearances.

Although Cal though made full use of the place, bringing his friends with him while their parents were out, watching films way beyond their age range, and boasting about the electric chairs to his impressionable friends, that to be fair could literally recline into a lying position _and_ had holders for drink cups.

 _"Freedom Fighters?"_ Alex held up a film with the face of a Hilary Swank plastered across it.

"I didn't take you as a social justice type person."

"No I just like her face a lot."

That shut Piper up.

They nestle into the chairs; passing cans of beer between them, watching Hilary's character try to teach a bunch of delinquents, class. They trade coy glances every now and then, shyly smiling when their eyes catch. Somewhere halfway into the movie, Alex suddenly asks, "You know I've been meaning to ask you, there's a dumb party being hosted by the school in a couple of weeks..." She trails off as though already regretting the sentence.

Piper turns around, catching Alex's face in the shadows, her eyes going cross-eyed from the beer sloshing around in her bloodstream. Piper didn't really drink alcohol so the little she had had made her feel tipsy and pleasantly buzzed. "Yeah?"

"I was going solo initially, but just wondered whether you'd wanted to come?"

Piper had heard of this random party the school hosted each year, apparently it was some end of term thing that celebrated nothing in particular but was just an excuse to host a party. She couldn't have missed it even if she wanted to, considering flyers were being hung in every corner of the school corridors, some even shoved in her face by overexcited school reps.

A jolt of joy whizzed through her, more pleased at the fact, Alex had thought Piper worthy enough to ask than the actual prospect of going to a party, "Yeah, sure."

"Cool, but make sure you wear something ridiculously outlandish."

"So that's actually real?"

Piper had seen the previous year's selection of outfits publicised in the school paper; the more crazier the better had been the slogan proudly cast underneath last year's winners.

"Oh yeah." Alex permitted a nostalgic laugh. "You should have seen what Dawn Keeler wore last year: it was a sight to behold."

"Dawn the valedictorian?"

"Oh yes, Dawn with the personality of a squid. Let's just say it was totally NSFW and when the party had ended, she'd been mistaken for a lady of the night a fair few times."

Piper burst out laughing- - finding it hard to imagine Dawn Keeler, the girl who sat in front of her in calculus, who would literally blush when she asked to go to the bathroom.

Alex continues, "The only services she was offering that night was vomiting all over Blake John from the year above." She paused. "Poor girl, was so intoxicated from the booze some of the others had smuggled in." Just then Alex leaned in and mock-whispered "By the way it's supposed to be an alcohol free event but the teachers are _very_ loose with that rule, anyway, and even though she's pals with Wedge, I actually drove her home to her parents, _even_ unlocking the door for her."

Piper smiled to herself, a new twinge forming in her chest. She couldn't get over a picture of white knight Alex, actually traipsing over enemy lines to be the good citizen.

"What are you smiling about?" Alex swiped the beer and took a generous gulp.

"Nothing. It's just... I inadvertently keep learning new things about you."

"And what are those?"

"That you're not really the hardened badass you want everyone to think you are but in reality you're a sensitive softie at heart."

"And I thought I hid it so well...the tattoos and dark hair not enough?"

Piper shook her head, fielding away Alex's protests. "I'm right, am I not?"

" _Vous pensez du mal de moi_." Alex says, grinning from ear to ear. "You speak so lowly of me."

Piper raises her eyebrows, "Is that French?"

"Doesn't everyone speak a second language these days?"

"You only speak two?" Piper chuckles- feigning dissatisfaction.

"Does my broken high school taught Spanish count as a third?" Alex turned to look at her, her eyes softening as she leant toward her, crunching on her popcorn.

Piper forced herself to breathe. It felt unnatural when Alex looked at her like that, candid moments like this where she was completely unprepared in the intensity of her gaze, all uncensored and uninhibited. She clears her throat, just enough to be able to ask, "Where did you learn French anyway?"

"Oh, I have a weird obsession with French drama, and used to get real annoyed at having to read the subtitles all the time to understand what they were saying, so I thought if I teach the language myself I can do away with the subs and actually watch the actors in action."

Alex must have caught the slack jawed appearance of her face. "I'm also a huge closet nerd." She nudges her shoulder. "You're learning many things about me tonight."

"What else don't I know about you?"

"Now you're just being greedy."

* * *

They're slouched in the chairs, totally buzzed from beer that had turned warm hours ago. The film had long finished, neither of them realising the screen had been dark for the last half hour.

"I think I may be drunk." Piper unnecessarily announced into the dark some fifteen minutes later.

"Ah, the age old tale of underage drinking." Alex turns around and puts her hands up in a gesture of grand revelation. "We are the epitome of reckless youth."

Piper twists in her seat, resting her elbows against Alex's hand-rest, swaying precariously. "To reckless youth!" She says her words loud and slurred. She raises the bottle in a gesture of over the top celebration. "Also I think I too much have had…I mean, I've had too much." She tries to sit back but instead tilts much too forward, and ends up falling out of her seat, unceremoniously landing onto the soft carpet. "Oh crap."

"Are you okay?" Alex untangles her legs, and leans forward trying to grab Piper's hand in an already failed attempt to haul Piper back into a sitting position, but Alex grossly underestimates her own lack of spatial awareness. She over-stretches, her centre of gravity shot to pieces, and also slides onto the floor. "Fuckity fuck." Alex hisses. She struggles to climb back into the chair, but she's too buzzed and so gives up and lies on the floor instead.

They both catch each other in the semi-darkness and erupt into a barrage of laughter, their general drunkenness making it seem funnier than the situation should actually warrant.

"Remind me never to try and save your ass again." Alex jests "I think I may have broken my own ass in the process."

Piper was desperately holding back the choking, all-out kind of laughter, made difficult when Alex winds a completely deadpan expression, "I was fishing for sympathy here, wasn't expecting my pain to become a catalyst for comedy, Pipes."

"But you looked so ridiculous."

"Your ridiculousness started it first...I wouldn't have had to save you if you managed to actually stay within the confines of your chair."

The alcohol had sabotaged her ability to retort witty remarks, and so instead Piper made do with, "You looked like an octopus that was trying to scale a mountain."

Alex glances at her and shakes her head, she's about to say something but it's like the joke just got to her, so starts belatedly laughing instead.

"What are we laughing at?" Piper genuinely asks.

"Our stupidity? Or our inability to remain within chairs? Take your pick."

Even through the alcohol haze, Piper dwelled on how Alex had said 'our' and she tries not to smile. It was stupid to pick out on these little things Alex did or said, and grabbing an off the cuff remark or a lingered touch with both hands and convince herself that it wasn't just purely coincidental.

* * *

Alex watched Piper pour another drink, holding in a smile when more of the beer ends up all over the carpet than it does in the actual glass. "Oops sorry." She giggled, attempting to wipe the carpet but somehow creating an even bigger mess.

"When did you say your parents were coming home?" Alex asks, swiping the completely empty bottle and unsuccessfully try and drink from it.

"Oh not for a few hours at least…also they never check in here, anyway. So even if I turned the place into a mini-circus or or a zoo or hosted a rave, they wouldn't a clue."

"It would definitely be the world's worst zoo though."

"Well considering you're acting like such a donkey. I think we may have our first animal."

"A one animal zoo. We should charge extra for the novelty."

* * *

"Do you think maybe we should get up now?" Piper spoke into the darkness.

"If I was physically able, yes."

"Ugh." Piper pinches her legs as though that would help get her to stand up. "Tell me something I don't know."

Alex later blames it on the alcohol, "I'm enamoured by you."

"Huh?"

Alex rolls over and leans against the chair, propping her knees against her chest, "You said to tell you something you didn't know."

Maybe it was the ungodly amount of alcohol they had both drank, or maybe it was the fact Piper was nothing short of adorable and genuinely funny when the alcohol had peeled away the entombing layers of self-conscious doubt and fear of saying the wrong thing she was wrapped herself in.

(Or maybe Alex was spurred on by simply wanting to tell the unfiltered truth)

"I already knew that." Piper declares.

"Knew what?" Alex asked confused, because of all the potential responses she had tried to anticipate, this one was not one of them.

"I already know you like me, 'cause your mom told me."

"You talk to my mom?"

"Uh yes." Piper whipped her head in an exaggerated sweep, her face completely deadpanned. "Aaaaaaall the timmmmme." Frowning at Alex, like this was something that was common knowledge and not at all something that should be news to Alex.

Alex grabs her drink, glad to have something to occupy her hands with, "You know it's totally rude to talk about people behind their backs."

"Technically that's not true. Remember that time I came round yours and you went to sleep on the sofa...so _technically_ I wasn't talking behind your back…more like over your stomach and chest, unless you were sleeping upright, because then you'd be right."

Alex tries to stop a smile from dancing across her face, totally amused by this overly detailed revelation.

"Why are you looking at me funny?"

"I'm not."

"You kinda are though."

* * *

It was fifteen minutes later when Piper's voice drifts into Alex's ear. "Hey Alex?"

They're both lying spread-eagled across the plush carpet heads nearly touching. "Yeah?" She tilts her head backwards, the action making her feel momentarily dizzy but okay enough to register the serious note in Piper's voice.

"I like you too." Piper's words came out all wispy and quiet as though she was letting Alex in on a long kept secret.

It's maybe the first time in history, Alex didn't have an immediate thing to say, instead she lay back and let the happiness soak right into her bones.

.

.

.

This time Alex came in via the normal routes of entering houses.

Apparently Piper's mom had insisted she'd meet this new friend that had made such a mark on Piper's life. It sounded every bit as ominous as it was. Alex hadn't warmed up to the idea but after repeated implores from Piper she had finally conceded.

Carol Chapman was an embodiment of all things inordinately expensive, it was as though she had worn the brown cashmere top to match the huge cream vase perched on a table in the parlour and the red heels to blend with the cherry red blinds in the lounge. It was probably entirely coincidental but Alex wouldn't put it past her to have at least tried.

Piper introduced her with possibly the most polite and measured introduction anyone had ever given her.

Alex tried to catch Piper's eyes and pass off a knowing smile, their eyes caught but Piper looked anything but relaxed; her smile was all but a rigid grimace and there was something about her apprehensive and almost agitated demeanour that had Alex quickly swallow up her smile.

She had never seen this side of Piper.

"Mother, this is Alex. It's the friend I have been talking about."

Piper's expression grows uneasy, and it causes Alex to come over with unnecessary nervousness, more confused over what she was missing. It was only when Piper throws her what she deduced as a 'play nice' look that Alex finally relaxes.

Of course Piper was just worried Alex was going to exercise the same treatment she did the teachers at school: all snark and defiance and just generally abrasiveness. Relieved, she throws what she hoped was a reassuring grin that was supposed to melt away Piper's worries.

"It's nice to meet you, Mrs Chapman."

"Alex? Is it short for Alexandra?" Carol asks.

"Uh no." Alex shrugs her shoulders. "Just Alex." Remembering her promise of decorum, she quickly adds, "Mrs Chapman."

"Alexa?"

"No."

"Oh."

Alex couldn't help but notice Carol's sweeping gaze roam all over her, where it paused a little too long over Alex's half-hidden wrist tattoo of her tribal bracelet, and the partially exposed knees under her ripped jeans. Carol returned her gaze at Alex, her too wide smile painted on earlier, only at half-mast now. With obvious forced politeness she asks, "Where did you live again, dear?"

"Grosvenor."

Alex wasn't stupid. Her name had already been crossed off the approved visitation list. A few select questions that Alex had given the wrong answer to and she'd already been deemed _'not them'._

She knows Carol types all too well. Her mom always complained about the uppity Stepford wives who complained about the food, about how slow service was, over how not crisp the fries were or the worst she'd heard from Diane, the serviettes hadn't been starched enough. "It's a fucking downtown diner, not a five star establishment." Her mother had rightly retorted.

Carol Chapman was a caricature of what it was to be born into unearned wealth, and naturally brought with it the great disdain for those who didn't fit that rigid requirement.

Alex suddenly felt trapped and foreign. She briefly entertained the possibility of feigning illness and going straight home.

"Mother, we're going upstairs now." Piper spoke, doing away with Alex's plans, and before she knew it she grabbed her hand and all but dragged her upstairs.

* * *

"I'm sorry my mom can be a bit... intense." Piper muttered when they finally sat down on her bed.

"A little?" Alex scoffed teasingly. "I don't think she approves of me...or my lack of wealth, rather."

It was a little manipulative of Alex but she'd added that last statement to gauge Piper's reaction. Because for all intents and purposes, Piper's weird behaviour earlier had Alex on edge, and she wanted to be proven wrong.

"Oh that? She does that to everyone."

"Really? Because it all seemed real personal."

"Alex, relax." Piper scooted closer, their shoulders bumping together, "As far as I'm concerned you're approved of in my books...have been ever since you told me you're into The XX and have a like for habanero sauce. Plus you give me all the answers to the weekly Chem tests, what's not to love about a person?"

"Oh is that all I'm to you?" Alex turned to face her, a wave of relief coursing through her. "Similar music taste, shared sauce fetishes and a source of exam success?"

"You make me sound so shallow." Piper playfully shoved her away, "I was going to add, you also have a great eye for cool milkshakes places...but since you're making fun of me, I'll have to recant all my praises for you."

"I don't suppose just being a good friend is included in that spiel of praises?"

"That's too basic. We gotta ramp up the originality."

"Yeah?'

"Uh huh."

Alex felt a little stupid. Her earlier trepidations laughed away, just like that. Her lips who hadn't really wanted to smile this evening, creep into a grin. She looks at Piper who turns her eyes cross-eyed in response, her head tilted back with self-deprecating laughter. This is the Piper she knew, that was familiar to her. And it's enough to shake away the last remnants of _not-good-enough_ suspicion in Alex.

"Earth to Alex. Earth to Alex." Piper's hands were waving in front of her. She had turned around so that they were squarely facing each other, her face so close, Alex could smell the soap on her skin. It was orange... or lime, she wasn't sure which.

Alex was so distracted, she actually forgot she was supposed to be her snarky self with her response but instead found herself quietly whispering, "I missed you."

Piper stops her gestures, and glances at Alex, like she was trying to figure her out. Her head had moved back slightly, not purposely or anything but it still had Alex think about recovering those few lost inches of closeness.

"Really?" She can see the happiness light up in Piper's eyes.

That searing curiosity again, Alex wondered what her skin would feel like under her fingers: soft and embellished. She wanted to capture that red hue across her cheeks, pocket it and carry it with her.

Alex clears her throat, which for some reason felt really thick and narrow all of a sudden. "It's stupid, really. Hence, why I take dangerous, middle of the night excursions to your house." Suddenly self-conscious, Alex turns her smile into a casual smirk. "It sates my missing-you-ness."

Alex didn't know at what point this girl had shoehorned herself into her heart - but right now it felt like Piper had grabbed hold a piece of her heart and held it right there, in her hands.

How Alex had survived all these years in high school, always playing hard into the outcasted student. Moulding into the role of too cool for school, which brought with it the unfortunate side effect of becoming a one-person clique.

Nobody wants to associate themselves with a person who was disliked by a large proportion of people. Even the occasional strayer, mostly in the form of newbies, who would volunteer as her lab partner or lend their pen in class, were quickly informed of their errors and steered well clear. That period of Alex's life had become a distant hazy blur. The _before Piper period._

Piper's face softens, suddenly turning shy. "You did?" She pushed a stubborn lock of hair out of the way, and by god, wasn't it the sweetest thing ever?

Alex would have to tell her someday.

"Yeah." It's probably the first time, Alex had truly said what she was thinking and it was every bit as terrifying as she imagined.

Now it makes Alex wonder why she hadn't said it earlier. Piper's entire face blooms, her usual customary and cautious grin exploded into this radiant smile that took Alex's breath away.

"I missed you too."

.

.

.

It was pre-exam season.

Classes became more intense and the teachers had upped the ante. The school corridors were constantly abuzz with a nervous and anxious energy.

After a brief game of rock-paper-scissors, they ended up at Piper's house. They'd both spent the best part of three hours keeled over their various sized books, scribbling away and attempting to make sense of the class material.

"Why do we need to learn about osmosis and photosynthesis?" Piper sighed deeply, stretching her arms out in front of her as she arched her back. "Plants are doing perfectly fine without us interfering."

Alex gladly dropped her pen. The interruption, a reminder that her brain had already reached its daily saturation level. "I wish this bio chapter could _enter_ my brain via osmosis."

"Death by plant." Piper emphatically shuts her exercise book "When I die, that's gonna go in my obituary, remember that."

"That's if it hasn't killed me first."

"Also I think my bladder's reached full capacity." Piper grimaced uncomfortably. "Gimme a sec." She quickly jumped up and left the room.

"Don't pee all over the floor!" Alex shouted after her.

Bored, Alex grabbed her iPod, scrolling through her song list before settling on a number she liked. Thrumming her fingers in time to the melodic rifts of the song chorus.

After a while, she briefly glances at the clock. Piper had been gone for well over fifteen minutes. Way longer than just a toilet break should warrant.

She paused the song and jumped off the chair just as her stomach starts rumbling. Piper had probably gone to refill their food supply that had dwindled down to a few stray popcorn pieces and half a jellybean.

Hopefully Carol had gone to whatever function she had to go to. Piper's mom had never sat well with Alex. Every time she glanced Alex's way, it felt as though she was being examined under a microscope of disdain. One that magnified her a thousand fold and stained her with distaste and dislike. Alex had never really met Piper's father, except for a few sightings around town.

Alex was about to head down the stairs, strolling along the hallway when she heard voices drifting through the open kitchen door. She grabbed the railings intent on going downstairs; mildly disappointed Carol obviously still hadn't gone. Alex briefly entertained the possibility of just waiting for Piper upstairs, but that was thwarted when she suddenly heard her name spoken out loud. Perking her ears, Alex held back, hesitating over whether she should be listening in.

"What do her parents do?" She heard Carol ask. It was something in the tone that it was asked that had Alex immediately on edge. Doing away with etiquette or whatever, Alex inched forwards, craning her head so that she could hear the conversation more clearly.

"Alex lives with her mom, Diane." Piper supplied. "Mother you should properly meet Diane, she's great."

Carol doesn't spare a moment. "No father in the picture?"

There was an uncomfortable pause. "I didn't ask."

"What does her mother do?"

"She works at one of the diners downtown."

"She's the manager?"

Alex hears Piper hesitate and it causes a lurch of abject embarrassment to ride its way through her - so much so it nearly trips her up.

"No, waitressing." She hears Piper mumble.

Piper's mom makes an unkind scoff. "Piper, darling, we don't have anything in common with these people. Whatever possessed you to think this so called friendship of yours is ever going to work out?"

Carol seemed have concluded Alex's apparent unsuitability as a friend based on the fact her mom wasn't a manager of a fast food place nor was her deadbeat father present. Alex thought of her mom slaving away at her three jobs, enduring obnoxious customers and demeaning abuse from her patrons, just so her and Alex wouldn't have to be on the breadline. Her stomach shifts uneasily, thinking that somehow Piper would suddenly realise of all this and 'come to her senses' once and for all.

"Alex is nice." Piper bluntly replies having obviously caught on to her mother's sanctimonious undertones.

Alex waits for more but nothing comes.

A slow, crushing level of unease winds it way around her, and Alex notices that the hands she's hugging herself with - are pinching into her skin. She releases her hands but then she can't figure out what do with them, so instead they clench and unclench, so much so, she doesn't even notice the ensuing pain. She contemplates walking away, so that she doesn't have to hear anymore of this, but something was keeping her rooted to the spot.

"She may be nice." Carol continued in that holier-than-thou voice. "But she's not a good influence on you."

"You haven't even met her! How can you even take ownership of that statement?"

"Call it mother's instinct."

There was a long stretchered pause. "Well your instinct is wrong."

Alex can only imagine what Carol's face must look like right about now: etched into that permanently sour and contemptuous expression she reserved for Alex. "Back-talking already? Her awful bad habits are already rubbing off on you, I see. You've always been so impressionable and easily influenced, Piper." Carol said in a tone so acidic, it could probably melt away concrete beams.

Alex covers her ears, leaning back against the doorframe, thinking she couldn't listen to this poison any longer. Coming here at all had been an error. That had been a grave mistake. Alex shouldn't have allowed her heart to lead but instead should have thought with her head. She had been wilfully ignoring her doubts over her...

Who had she been kidding that she could mix so seamlessly into Piper's world? School was different - at least that was neutral ground that sort of levelled out the playing field. There she wasn't reminded nearly as much about her general poorness or her distinct lack of money. But here, in this expansive house with the over the top chandeliers and marbled hallways and immaculate bedrooms the size of her entire paltry apartment - here she was completely and utterly out of place. Her oversized sweatshirt and ripped jeans appearing more dingy and thriftier than usual. Really, everything about Alex kind of screamed broke and low class which apparently was synonymous with unsavoury, according to Carol.

Carol's forever uppity voice brokered Alex's dam of resentment. "...Your father and I would appreciate it if you didn't bring your 'friend' home again. The words appreciate and friend was said with such disdain and disgust Alex had to hold back a tide of nausea. "It doesn't bode well with the neighbours...they're going to think we allow all sorts into our home. I mean for heaven's sake we've only just moved in, we have standards to uphold."

"What's that supposed to mean? All sorts?'

"Do you really want me to point out the glaringly obvious, Piper? Don't think I haven't noticed her... attire. Wholly inappropriate for a girl her age or a woman of any age really, and the tattoos...what kind of message are we sending out?"

"I'm not going to listen to anymore of this, mother."

"You will damn well listen to me!" Carol raised her voice only slightly. Even while she was angry she was determined to remain poised and proper. "I suggest you rethink your choice in friendships."

"I feel sorry for her, mother." Alex heard Piper whisper forlornly, the thick sympathy in her voice causing Alex's skin to prickle unpleasantly. "She has no other friends but she's so nice and kind and...what's wrong with befriending someone like that?"

Alex felt her eyes grow hot and all of a sudden really horribly itchy. Piper's words were infinitesimally worse than anything Carol had said so far. A ball of nausea seemed to have lodged itself somewhere at the back of her throat as a calm realisation came over Alex. Piper always insisted on paying for everything or convince Alex to let her fill up the gas, always convincing her she could pay next time.

The fact that next time had never come was hitting her hard on the head now.

Carol's voice again, "Not when they look so actively…delinquent."

"That's it mother, I'm no longer listening to any of this."

Suddenly, Alex heard rapid footsteps approaching. In panic she quickly turns around and retreats back into Piper's bedroom, awkwardly standing beside the bookshelf and pretending to peruse the titles, ignoring the fact her vision was too blurry with hot tears to even register anything written across their spines. Her hands are shaking and she's trying hard to keep ramrod still.

"Hey…I brought snacks. Hope you like nachos and dips." Piper announces, standing behind her, her voice light and cheery "Shall we tackle some chem? If I see another diagram of a fucking leaf, I'm gonna flip."

Alex slowly turns around, closing her eyes as she gathers her thoughts, her heart painfully jams in her chest; Piper's face doesn't betray anything over what her mother had been speaking about not a minute ago, her expression nothing but pleasant and expectant.

 _I feel sorry for her. I feel sorry for her. I feel sorry for her._

It was hard to hear above the stream of Piper's voice in Alex's head.

"Is that a yes then?"

She swallows hard, "Yeah, yeah." Her words were hollow, hovering just above functional.

Alex watches Piper open up some books and settle herself at the desk, scribbling away at her notes. She forces herself to do the same.

But her concentration keeps floating away, harder and harder to corral. Her head is spinning and her glasses keep misting up

"I-I've got to go." Alex suddenly mutters without meeting Piper's eyes. "I forgot I have a ton of other work to do."

Piper lifts her gaze, "Now?"

"I didn't realise it was so much…and my mom wanted me to go by the grocery store before I come home and it's going to close soon."

She could hear herself speaking at a hundred miles per hour, the sense of urgency and panic leaking over her words so that it sounded as though she was reliving a bad memory.

And the thing was; Alex was. There had always been that sliver of uncertainty digging into her ribs. Each time Piper had given her the blanket Alex wanted, cover up the holes that kept popping around them. But now? All the holes had converged into one big hole that just was too big too hide. Too big to pretend not to have seen or in this case _heard._

"You can just do your work here. I don't understand?"

Alex looked down at the carpet that was so immaculately laid, the patterns in perfect geometrical sync. She thought back to her own home, imagining Piper gingerly treading on the threadbare rug her mom had gotten dirt cheap at a jumble sale, thinking that this is how the other half must live. Pure embarrassment hits her even harder.

"At least stay until dinner?"

Alex looks away so that Piper couldn't see her trying to pick apart that question, find the quiet hurt stretched between the words.

"I need to go... _now._ "

Alex couldn't stay here any longer; shame and hurt were driving her recklessly towards an exit. So she circumvented around Piper without saying anything further, ran down the winding stairs of the house, cursing its length on the way, flew out of the house and ran all the way back home.

* * *

 _AN: I wasn't sure whether American school's are relieved for Thanksgiving for more than the actual day. I googled it but not really given an answer. So for the purposes of fiction - Alex & Piper had a week off in this instance. Any other glaring inaccuracies are entirely mine._

 _Thanks for the patience you guys. Love you a thousand times over x_


	6. Shame is burning, inside I'm hurting

6\. Shame is burning, inside I'm hurting.

* * *

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.

.

There are always a few precious seconds right after waking up where the mind was devoid of any thoughts, leaving just a blissful emptiness.

But it takes a moment for Alex to figure out where the pain and unease was coming from.

Her phone pings loud.

Cricking out her neck, she rolls over and turns the screen:

Piper: _Hope you're alright. Bus or car?_

But memories were never that forgiving; it all comes rushing back with a kind of force that left Alex feeling heavy and weightless all at once. It's a sort of careening dread that pulls her out of bed and forces Alex to get dressed and head out of her room. Thankfully her mom had crashed on the couch after a late night of work and was completely dead to the world.

It keeps the memories away for a while, busying herself with the mundane activities of morning routine, but it's when she's headed out and starts climbing into her car - where everything comes crashing in with renewed force.

Alex: _I'm walking. Don't wait up._

 _._

 _._

 _._

They walk back together after having finished the last class together. The bus was already idling filling up with the first lot of students. They headed diagonally toward the parking lot, away from the rowdy crowd beginning to congregate around the bus.

Piper began talking about their plans for the evening, enthusiastically suggesting they try the bowling alley with the quirky diner they'd driven past a couple of weeks ago. "It's dirt cheap and I've never really bowled, not in a proper bowling alley anyway." She quips.

There it was again. _Money._

How had Alex been so blind and stupid? That _fucking_ conversation she had overheard was playing itself back yet again, her mind honing in on the few scattered sentences that she hadn't been able to stop thinking about.

 _They're poor_

 _I feel sorry for her_

Piper seemed oblivious to Alex's stone cold mood and general lack of response and carried on talking until they reached the car and they both climbed in.

Alex starts the engine, murmuring a dismissive _hmmm_ when Piper directly asks her whether she's free this weekend.

She was watches Piper frown in confusion but to her credit she doesn't pick at Alex's lacklustre response or disengaged attitude but instead silently gazes out of the window, her earlier enthusiasm slowly dissipating. They lapsed into a heavy silence, carried over for the whole car journey, the radio the only source of sound.

There was a part of Alex that knew Piper wasn't the type of person who became hung up over social hierarchy or was even the kind to fawn over material and wealth. No, it wasn't even that...otherwise she would never have befriended Alex or wanted anything to do with her if she ever _had_ been of the shallow kind.

Where Piper and her family were at one end of the wealth spectrum, Alex and her mom were at the complete opposite end and it was never made so obvious than on the day Alex had against her better judgement - stepped foot into the Chapman household.

No it was much worse than that. It was the _unwanted_ sympathy, the unwanted no I'll pay for this. No, I've got it, that bothered Alex the most.

She was being pure asshole but she still couldn't escape the bare facts of their uneven relationship.

And even if Piper couldn't see it. Alex saw it. Clear as day.

It was unfair of Alex to be so aware of their discrepancy. She had always thought it was her just unnecessarily worrying that Piper would eventually realise this and call quits to them, the novelty of Alex and her loner wolf act wearing off Piper before she moved on to someone similarly cut out of her cloth.

It was goddamn unfair of Alex but that conversation… _again._ That conversation had only compounded Alex's fear. Really, that had the been the culmination of her worries, the thing that had confirmed all of her fraught suspicions.

Alex had expected to feel triumphant over being proven right, had waited for the feeling to come and for it to wash away the second-guessing. Instead she was left feeling even worse.

It was only when they were in front of Piper's house and Alex parked up, that Piper finally asked in a small voice, "Alex...are we okay?"

It was such a broad question that held the possibility for thousands of answers but Alex knew exactly what Piper meant by it.

Had she done something wrong that warranted Alex's asshole behaviour for the last week, was there anything that justified Alex's overall aloofness toward Piper? And in the truest sense of the question the answer was _no._ _No_ they weren't alright nor okay.

"Yeah. Why wouldn't we be?"

Piper tries again, noticing the defensive edge to the answer turned into a question, before Alex herself does. "You've barely talked today. You've been all distant lately… I mean I thought maybe maybe you were tired or ill or something?"

At that Alex scoffs unkindly, the guesses so far from the truth, they seemed to fuel her anger at Piper's obliviousness even further. It was bordering on fucking ignorance.

"I mean you didn't come to the library yesterday."

"I went home early."

"But your car was still in the lot. You could have told me-"

Alex turned around, fixing Piper with an accusatory gaze. "Are you checking up on me?"

"No." Piper stammered. " I mean yes...I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Well, I'm fine."

Alex could see Piper trying to find the right words, not wanting to ignite the matches Alex was giving her, "So what's bothering you?"

Alex just shrugged, knowing the action was anything but conciliatory

"Nothing."

"Is it because I didn't text back yesterday?" Piper lets out a sigh of obvious relief. "I did see it but my parents forced me to go dinner with them and my dad gets all ultra-strict when it comes to phones and texting at the table."

"It's not that."

Piper's mouth forms into a grimace, but her eyes anxious, "Then what?"

Alex fiddles with the steering wheel, looking at everything but Piper."Oh my god...just leave it okay?"

They fall into silence again before Piper picks up again. "Alex..." It's cautious and trying. "You can't expect me to figure out what's going on if you're not going to tell me." It's delivered with a softness and understanding that Alex doesn't really want to hear.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Alex could see the conversation looping around in circles but she couldn't summon enough decency to break its vicious circle. They were talking at least, maybe not about the right thing but it was raised voices and heightened emotions, a sort of catharsis to the months of pent up silence, and Alex pretending they were okay. "I can't go bowling with you." Alex says suddenly. Almost immediately she's cringing at how it sounds like too much of an announcement.

"What do you mean?"

Alex can feel the heat enclosing her, drumming down her efforts. She had rehearsed different versions of this but until now, it hadn't really cemented in her mind that it would ever actually happen. "I _said_ I can't go."

"Okay... I guess we can go another time?"

"No, not really." Alex adds unhelpfully, wishing this to be over already, feeling herself already buckling under Piper's oblivious look.

Alex can see Piper noticing her flat reply, her eyes all of a sudden lighting up with understanding.

"Is that what this is about?" Piper wrongfully concludes, smiling as her tone relaxes. "Alex, don't worry. If it's the money, I got it covered anyway plus you're driving so it's only fair I pay for the tickets."

And therein lay the problem.

.

.

.

Piper watches Alex's jaw clench, before she slowly turned to face her.

"I don't think we should be hanging out together anymore."

For a second Piper just stares, bewildered over what Alex exactly meant. But something in Alex's voice and the way she was clipping her words caused her mouth to dry and forcibly swallow back a sudden wave of anxiety, "What do you mean?" Her heart starts pounding for some reason, but her mind refuses to tell her why. "Alex, what's going on?"

Alex lets out a deep sigh, the one Piper had seen her give the likes of Jessica Wedge and her cronies, the one that was all condescension and annoyance. "We're from totally different worlds, Piper. I'm the high school loser who everybody hates, the one who'll amount to nothing because she lives with her high-school dropout mom who has to work three fucking jobs just to keep a roof over our goddamn heads." Alex sighs, this time it was all weary and shameful. "I'm the kind of person you don't want your parents to know about."

Piper doesn't really seem to register what Alex was saying because all she heard was: _can't hang together._

Everything after that was just a blur of unintelligible words that didn't really make any sense. She scrambles for words, "Where's this all coming from?"

"I overheard you." Alex shakes her head as though at odds with herself, her green eyes hooded and hard to read "I heard you and your mom talking."

All the quiet anxiety seemed to leave Piper in a whoosh, instead replaced with a fresh stream of alarm throwing her next words out. "When? When Alex?"

"Huh?" Alex's face reveals she's caught off-guard.

The pieces of the puzzle slam together. The answer revealed with a sort of sickening glory that left Piper feeling as though the ground had opened and dropped her down before closing back up again.

Alex knew. _Heard._

A heavy weight crosses her lower stomach, of course Piper already knows the answer, but asked anyway; _thinking_ and _wishing_ and _hoping,_ Alex was referring to some other conversation that had occurred.

But that was shot to pieces when Alex recovers and mutters, "Your mom, saying I'm _bad._ Not good enough for you...because I'm _poor."_ Her last words come out all heavy and doused with resentment and it was as though she reserved the worst last. " _You_ saying you're only friends because you feel _sorry_ for me."

Piper stared. Not really knowing how to even begin responding to that. She dimly thinks back to Alex; how all evasive and terse she had been when Piper walked back into her room.

How weirdly quiet and distant Alex had been in recent weeks.

Piper suddenly felt a rush of shame seep out of every pore of her body - painfully replaying all the times Alex had backed out of a lot of things, at school, at home. Anything that involved large monetary transactions. How could she have been so stupid and blind?

When Piper speaks her voice trails slowly, like her words are unwilling to take flight. "Alex, forget what my mom said." She sought Alex's hands, desperate to grab hold onto them. As though somehow that would stop Alex from leaving, from her becoming untethered. "It doesn't matter what she thinks. My mom has always tried to live my life for me, I don't care what my parents think, it shouldn't matter to you, either."

Alex shakes her head. "It matters what _you_ said."

She disentangles herself from Piper, physically recoiling back, until she's near enough pressed against the cardoor. "Do you think I care what your mom thinks?" She says quietly. "I care more about the fact I'm some sort of sad story you wanted to turn into a happy ending this whole time." Her voice stumbles, and it makes Piper's chest contract raggedly. "Why did you talk to me in the first place?" Alex shakes her head again, the answer somehow already told to her. "You felt sorry for me. Which isn't even the worst of it. The worst of it is you pretended to like me."

Piper's face grows ashen, the hurt chasing Alex's words, catching up with her

"Alex, that's not true." Piper didn't know what to say that would make anything she was thinking sound remotely apologetic or sew words that would magically undo everything. So she tells the truth, which now, was all she had. "It's just my mom..." She hesitates. "She's always been really selective over who my friends can be."

Alex fixes her with an intense look, a hurt swimming in the depths of her eyes. "What does that mean?"

Piper can feel her skin withdraw inwards. The anger in Alex's eyes extinguishing, watching them turn unsettled. It makes Piper want to hug her. Reach out for her. Her words have failed on her so surely touch would redeem them. But she doesn't it. Because all she can imagine is Alex pushing her away in disgust, and Piper can't deal with that sort of rejection. "I don't care what she thinks. Alex...you're my _friend._ I made that choice."

"No friendship is worth receiving shit from your parents, _Piper."_

The words made her feel like she had melted into a puddle of shame _, "_ But you're my _best_ friend, doesn't that count towards something?"

Alex suddenly swivelled her head around, her face blazing with anger. "Did you befriend me because I _needed_ friends? Or is it because it fulfils the charitable actions tick box on your college application?" Her shoulders are shaking, "Newsflash: I was doing perfectly okay by myself."

Piper felt as though she had been slapped across the face, "You know none of that is true, Alex"

"I'm not your charity case, Piper."

"I _never_ said you were."

"So what was that thing with you mom about feeling fucking sorry for me? Or did I just imagine just it?"

For a second time, a dizzying shame shot all through her, guiltily thinking how the words must have sounded. "How long were you stood there?" She asks, all pleading and apologetic. Immediately the almost desperate need to remember the exact words of the conversation, the precise descriptions used riles her up with blind panic.

"Long enough to figure things out."

Stricken, Piper lurches forward, "Alex, I'm sorry...if that's how it sounded - it's not what I meant."

But her platitudes seem so counterfeit right now.

Alex doesn't even look at her.

"Alex...I-"

"Don't." Alex halts her words with a raised hand. "Don't make yourself feel _better_ by apologising for something that's the fucking truth."

But Piper can't seem to stop herself. She doesn't want things to end like this. Just couldn't. "I don't know why you think I give a shit about your circumstances. I don't...Alex. Please understand that. It really doesn't matter to me."

Alex's eyes shot up with renewed anger. Piper catches Alex settle her gaze over her house and as though she it reaffirms her point. Her "Of course it matters."

They both sit in waist deep silence.

Piper feels a stinging in her nose, in her eyes, and her throat feels like it's closing up, trapping all the things she wanted to say. She opens her mouth, but instead she whispers, "So is this it now?"

Alex looks like she doesn't want to be here. Her face and body appearing as though she physically restraining herself, her hands tied in front of hers, her eyes directed downwards, "I think it'll be for the best."

.

.

.

* * *

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.

.

Days had slid into weeks. Weeks morphed into months.

It had been weird at first. Their quiet routine so easily dismantled. Alex always used to pick her up from home. They'd always be lab partners together, they'd always pair up whenever there was some class activity requiring the work of two. But like everything habits could be easily shattered, relearned even, and before long, people adapted and just moved on.

When Alex had first told her what she overheard, Piper had been oblivious and naive in how affected Alex had been over the conversation. Her I was right expression had been one Piper had overlooked in the midst of her shame, but it had been as though Alex had known this was going to become a problem, had known that it was only a matter of when rather than if.

Panicked exam preparation had eaten in on the Alex-related anxiety she was harbouring and it made her feel irrationally guilty. Weirdly, Piper had begun avoiding the library and the study areas and anywhere really that had a clock on its walls.

Piper abhorred the ticking sound of the clocks, had longed to rip the incessantly ticking thing off the fucking wall. It was during a rare moment of self-reflection that the realisation of the reason why dawned on her; stopping the ticking would stop time itself.

The time between them would not be drawing to a close. The futility of the thought would have been so laughable if she didn't actually believe in it.

.

.

.

Tonight it was Scotch's turn. It had been a close contest between her mom's left over beer and the bottle of brandy she kept for special occasions, hidden in the back of the cupboards. Alex was immensely glad for her mom's subpar hiding skills when she had poured herself a generous pull a few hours back. Her mom wouldn't be home for at least another few hours yet, something she was ashamedly relieved at. She doesn't think she could face the cheeriness and small talk right now.

Today had been particularly difficult. After months of no more than a few choice words that never unravelled beyond hi and bye, Alex and Piper had to work together for that stupid end of term play that the school took great pride in. It's hard when you have to pretend to be okay but even harder when Alex saw the longing and hope in Piper's eyes. The heart that she kept under lock and key would slowly unchain itself: maybe they could work this out. Maybe they could smooth out the differences. But a hollow echo would stop her in her tracks; the more rational one that whispered that this was the only solution: distance.

Alex lay spread-eagled on her bed, staring at the white ceiling become darker as the rays of the sun grew duller. She lights another cigarette and blows the smoke out in a series of deep exhales, lazily watching the tiny smoke circles dissipate into the air. She closes her eyes basking in that pleasant drunk fog, a feeling that couldn't have come any quicker.

See the thing was; she now understood the appeal of it. Why people became imprisoned by it - enslaved by the way it deadened emotions and wrapped people in a soft layer of protection - that magic chemical that could turn lights into stars, and resentment into numbness. For Alex, it dampened the harsh light of reality down to a soothing ember of a glow. It blurred the images of _her._ So that now every-time an image of Piper materialised - it was just like looking at her through frosted glass. Alex didn't have to see the finer details of her. It was quite simple, really.

The front door slammed closed, the sound of carrier bags crinkling filled the apartment followed by weary footsteps.

"Al! You home?" Her mother's voice carried into Alex's bedroom.

Alex did an inward groan, her mom was home early and her room stank of smoke and she smelt like a brewery. There was no point in opening windows or pretending otherwise. Yeah."

Moments later Alex saw her mom stick her head into the tiny room like she usually did. "Woah, how many have you smoked in here? The place is a like a chimney." She exclaimed, her hands waving in front of her in a futile attempt to disperse the thick curtain of smoke hanging around them. Alex just shrugged her shoulders, not really wanting to elaborate or talk in general.

"How was school?"

Again she shrugged her shoulders, a renewed wave of embarrassment at the memories of their conversation causing Alex to reach for yet another cigarette. She couldn't shake off the look that Piper had given her after Alex had announced they should stop hanging out together; it had been a look brimming with an almost childish hurt, the same look Alex had seen in herself when the likes of Jessica taunted her or derided her mom sometimes. What Alex hated even more was that it hadn't made her any happier or triumphant, but instead it had felt like something whole had been ripped out from beneath her.

Her mother must have registered her sullen appearance, "Al, babe, you okay?"

Alex kept her eyes fixed on the ceiling, afraid that as soon as she looked her mother in the eyes, no doubt rimmed with quiet concern, she would burst out into tears. She could already feel her throat tightening, that horrible woolly feeling already scratching at the walls.

"You never chain-smoke these cancer sticks…not unless something's shitty has happened." Her mom supplied as a way of explanation. "What's happened?"

"Nothing." Alex replied shriller that she would have wanted her voice to be, returning her focus to the off-white ceiling, wishing she could push her head into the pillow and just lay there. She was much too aware of her mom gingerly sitting on the edge of the bed, her hand reaching out to Alex and gently stroking her hair like she used to do when Alex was much younger. God, it made her feel like a _fucking_ baby, like Alex needed to be taken care of.

But her mom had a knack for the soft and comforting touch and it was so goddamn comforting. So goddamn _healing._ Alex thought she would cry from the incalculable need for this.

"Don't, mom."

"Alex-"

"Mom, don't." Alex gritted her teeth together, finding herself backing away from the touch, retreating to the far corner of her bed, wrapping her arms around her legs.

"Al, I wish I could help you but you gotta tell me what's wrong first."

Alex threw her cigarette into the makeshift ashtray which was literally just a plate, she angrily swallowed back the jagged lump in her throat, eyes blazing. "What's the actual point of high school, mom?"

She rolled out of the bed and sat upright, suddenly hating the cramped quarters of her room, the normally tolerable view an even worse version of itself today. It was an ugly sight; mouldy concrete walls from the too close neighbouring buildings that blocked out most of the sunlight so that the her room was perpetually dark and dinky.

Part of the reason Diane had managed to get a super cheap deal on the rent was because no actual sane person in this town would want to live in a place that barely allowed in natural light or the fact it scarcely even had a living space – rather it was the space between the kitchen and hallway that happened to just fit in a TV set and a two seater sofa that gave the illusion of an existing living space. Just about everything the place was suddenly mocking Alex in a way that had never seemed to bother her and it added to her increasingly surly mood.

"What do you mean?" Diane's face frowns in confusion at the sudden veer in conversation , "What are you talking about, Alex?"

"It's not like I'm ever actually going to college so why should I waste my time with school? It's such a waste of _fucking_ time."

Diane's eyes drop, her brows narrowing. "What's brought this on?"

" _Nothing_ has brought it on. I'm a teenager beginning to think long and hard over my non-existent future."

"Is that what all this is about?"

Alex stays silent, not really meeting her mom's eyes, just listening to her release a slow drained sigh. "Alex baby, you can go wherever the hell you want. If that future includes college or a job or some other thing that takes your fancy then you do just that. Whatever makes you happy makes _me_ happy." Diane's lips upturned into a soft smile. "The world is your oyster, Alex."

On the surface that was true.

But people like Alex, weighed down by their background, the one that defined them and were judged by some prospective employer who hadn't even cast an eye over them caused that statement to ring with a certain falseness. That same background lugged her down in the college application rat race, tripping her up before the whistle had even marked the start to it.

Sure, it wasn't all set out in stone but Alex knew she'd be scaling an already uphill mountain that had been greased up for good measure, where the high-brow students whose moms didn't work three jobs and didn't buy their food in bulk from CostCo, simply caught the cable line to success.

"Do you really believe that's the case, mom?" Alex demanded, facing her mom full on, she wasn't sparing anything tonight. "Do you honestly believe that you're going to be able to afford to pay for college with your three minimum wage jobs? We barely have enough to scrape by on let alone pay for a useless four year degree."

Diane shrank back, barely able to hide the hurt and embarrassment ignited by the words, but she soldiered on, sure Alex was saying these things in the heat of the moment and didn't really mean it. "You can take out loans?"

"Sure." Alex remarked sarcastically. "I'll just bury myself in debts and be a slave to some government suit demanding their money back for the rest of my life." She scoffed, "Yeah, because that sounds like a really financially viable plan."

"Alex…."

"Flipping burgers at the local Pinto's only takes us so far."

Back when Alex was younger, when they'd lived out in the other side of town, near the coast, where she had spent her school summers cycling around town and playing with chalk; the multi-coloured kind that lasted really long. She must have been around five or six, and Alex had one day overheard one of their neighbours arguing with her mom over Alex cycling too close to his kempt garden when she had never even been near it and had supposedly ruined his flower collection.

He'd called her mom trailer trash.

Alex had never thought to ask her mom what it meant back when she was five years old, had never really understood the meaning behind it. But she did remember the very specific look her mom had after he'd said it; a trilogy of looks that had began with embarrassment and then anger, before segueing into acceptance.

That look was there now. Somehow it looked a thousand times worse than Alex could have remembered it, and it made her feel like the world's largest asshole. It was unfair of Alex and she knew the regret no doubt would come later but a pent up bitterness was hurtling the words out.

"Al, where's all this anger coming from? You never cared for college so why the sudden interest?" All of a sudden her mom dropped her voice as if realising she had been digging at the wrong spot all along. "Did those nasty girls at school say something?" Without waiting for an answer, Diane pressed on. "I swear I'm going to that useless principal of yours and get these girls expelled once and for all. I would have gone to their parents but they're probably a bigger asshole version of their spawn."

Alex wishes that were the case.

Except it hadn't been, it had been said by the one person she thought had understood her, had been on the same wavelength as her. "Stop it mom, it had _nothing_ to do with them."

"Alex love, then what?"

Alex dug her hands into the sockets of her eyes, trying to somehow stave off the telltale burn of tears threatening to make their escape and _god_ it was so difficult when she could feel her mom's form so near her and how good it would feel to have her enveloped into a hug and _fuck..._ Piper would have been shocked out of her mind if she saw Alex like this, which made her feel about ten times worse.

"Is this about Piper? Did you guys have a fight?"

Alex felt her chest become unstitched the instant she heard Piper's name and that dam of tears? That flood of tears was beginning to become really _really_ hard to hold back. "How do you know?" Alex eventually whispered, hating her needy voice, the words wet and quivering.

She watched Diane's face soften as she placed a gentle hand over Alex's leg; a token of comfort and understanding, "You have a soft spot the size of the Grand Canyon for that girl, babe. It's not hard to figure out something must have happened between you guys, otherwise you wouldn't be in the foul mood you're in now."

Alex absorbed that for a moment, "Is it really that obvious?"

"What part?" Diane brushed a stray hair out of Alex's face, her smile fond like she'd just remembered an old joke. "The way you gaze at Piper when you think she isn't looking – all tender and affectionate. Or the part where you drink up her words like I do with margheritas." Diane winked then, "And you know how I _love_ my margheritas."

Alex could feel a blush working its way across her cheeks, "God, mom."

"Don't think I don't notice these things. I may be a diner mom but I think that I'd make a darn good detective given the chance." She chuckled. " Jackie from down the road can totally vouch for me and actually said I'm the best people-reader out here." Diane gently nudged her. "Your mom the street psychologist, aren't ya proud of me?"

Shame pulses through Alex, and it really feels as though a devil is prodding her back with its prongs, persistently reminding her. And frighteningly Alex thinks she may legitimately cry this time. "You're not just a _diner mom._ Fuck. I didn't mean any of the earlier stuff." She pauses before adding. "I was being an asshole." Her voice fails on her at the very end. "I'm sorry, yeah?"

"Hey, hey." Her mom leans over, placing her arms around her. "Take it easy or you'll make your old ma cry as well."

The words did the opposite for her. Alex looked away, hoping her mom hadn't noticed the sudden wetness in her eyes. She took her glasses off and wiped them with her sleeve, grateful when her mom pretended to study her lap, giving Alex the space she had implicitly asked for.

"I really appreciate everything you do for me, I kinda don't show it but it's true." She muttered, idiotically blurting the words out, trying hard to make them as solemn and fierce as they sounded in her head, wanting more than anything for her mom to feel she was more worthy than Alex's shitty remarks.

"Enough of all these apologies – I think you need to save those for someone else."

Alex looked up, catching her mother's knowing wink who just nods knowingly.

Alex manages to pass a small smile. "What makes you think I was in the wrong?"

"Oh honey, I gave birth to you…I know you inside out, as much you don't like to think I do and that girl? That girl wouldn't hurt a fly, even if one hit her right in the face."

"And I would?"

Diane just arched her eyebrow, like Alex was being ridiculous.

Alex shook her head, before quietly saying. "She pays for everything."

To her credit Diane stays quiet for several moments before she softly asks. "And that hurt your pride I suppose?"

"We're totally different; me and her." Alex can feel a slight desperation seeping into her words, like she had a hard time justifying herself. "I'm not a charity case." She glances out the window. "It's so annoying when she automatically assumes she has to cover the tab all the fucking time."

"And you think she does that because she feels sorry for you?"

"She said it herself."

Surprised, her mom asks, "Piper _said_ she feels sorry for you...to you?"

"No." Alex corrects her sheepishly before hesitating. "I overheard Piper and her mom's conversation." She trails off as a reminder of the conversation opens up another wound of hurt. "It was pretty clear."

Diane sighs wearily, like the answer was so obvious and easy. "Babe, she said those things because she was trying to speak her mom's language."

Alex tilted her head, "What do you mean?"

"People like her parents have a superiority complex and the only way it's acceptable to mingle with the likes of us - is if it's in a capacity of sympathy, things that involves them feeling sorry for us." Her mom looked into the distance before focusing on Alex. "Call it association by fake-sympathy."

Alex's must have looked unconvinced, because Diane continued, "That day when she first came round ours crying her poor heart out...that wasn't someone who was feeling sorry for you. A girl whose smile lights up the place whenever she sees you is not someone who feels sorry for you, Al" She tilts Alex's chin, "Piper strikes me as the kind of girl who tries to fix things before they're broken and tries to please everybody before they turn angry. It's her way of pleasing her parents but still be able to see _you."_

Alex felt herself wilt under her mom's look. Diane had an uncanny way of making Alex feeling so fucking asshole-ish, always making her realise the error of her ways. She painfully recalled Piper crying and looking at Alex like had she held all the solutions to everything wrong. Which was funny, because she didn't but that still hadn't made Piper any less grateful when Alex had done nothing but say a few nice words. Piper had trusted Alex enough to open up to her and had allowed her to witness her at her lowest point.

Diane's voice prompts her back to reality, "Is that really someone who feels sorry for you, babe?"

"No." Alex finally says flatly, hating the thickness in her voice, feeling as though it was betraying her.

"That girl loves you."

Alex turns to meet her mom's significant look, trying to figure out what _exactly_ she meant by that.

Was it in the context of friends or...something more?

Alex found herself wishing hard for it to be the latter.

And as though Diane had somehow read Alex's thought, she says, "And I'm sure you do too, kiddo."

The statement was casually placed in front of Alex and she is suddenly hit with an unmissable conviction that had been buried somewhere deep, a burning desire she stoically pretended hadn't been there. Yet now it felt like the most important thing to acknowledge. "Yeah I do." She murmurs. "I do love her."

Diane smiles. Smiles a smile that Alex has rarely seen, bright for the moment. And it was like she'd been patiently waiting for Alex to finally come to that realisation, "Well, there's your answer, babe."

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Class had finished. Thankfully early, giving Alex enough time to grab some lunch, head to the library to return some severely overdue books and still make it to her next class.

She pulling her calculus books out of her locker when Alex collides with Wedge and her chums.

Melissa and a tall mousy girl whose name for the life of her she couldn't recall, were flanking Jessica's sides like this was a prison and she needed bodyguards at all times. Their faces arrogant and snide, arms crossed at the waist.

These girls just couldn't leave her alone. Alex sighed slamming her locker shut and preparing for whatever onslaught the bitch had in store for her today.

"What now?"

"Shut the fuck up, you pussy-eating dyke." Jessica hissed into her ears, the anger dialled up more than usual. Alex narrowed her eyes and raised her eyebrows. "Your face is much more uglier than usual. To what do I owe you the pleasure?"

Alex hoped that Durant had dragged Jessica to her office for the stupid prank on her car, someone had pelted it with eggs and it had taken her the good part of her afternoon to scrub the stuff off. Alex hadn't seen her do it but figured there was only one person who spited her that much. The meek teacher may have finally grown some balls and temporarily put aside the fact that Wedge's father was the one who dished out her salary at the end of each month.

Jessica chose to ignore the earlier remark and instead clenched her teeth together. "Did you tell everyone that I'm-" She drops her voice several decibels, quickly glancing around them before almost whispering, "...gay?" Her face twisting into a picture of revulsion around the word 'gay' as though the mere word would steal away her much coveted heterosexuality.

"What the fuck are you talking about? Alex asked genuinely confused and pissed off that Durant had obviously not spoken to the girl.

"Don't fucking play games with me, you're known to spread rumours around this place."

Alex laughed at that, the irony of the statement not lost on her. Jessica Wedge was the queen of generating false rumours and even bigger one when it came to spreading them far and wide.

"Rumours? Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Just stay the hell away from me."

Alex couldn't help but laugh. She pushed her glasses into her hair facing Jessica full on. "If I didn't know any better, _you're_ the one who just can't keep away from me. You're the one who keeps pursuing me." She deliberately drew the word pursuing out as she slowly licked her lips, drawing them into a half smirk. "Actions like that could very easily be... misinterpreted" Alex shrugged her shoulders. "Maybe that's how these so called rumours have come about."

Jessica turned a very dark shade of red and for once didn't have any rejoinders to throw back.

 _Bullseye._

Spurred on by the brunette's loss for words, Alex took a step forward and lazily twirled a piece of Jessica's hair around her finger, her face inches away from hers "You know all you have to do is...ask - instead of all this circling around you're doing. It's so much easier you know."

She didn't miss the brief flash of panicked realisation crossing Jessica's face. An ugly triumphant thought needled its way into Alex's mind, a brief flash of Jessica and her making out just as Piper walked in on them. It would finally share out their hurt but it quickly dissolved into the depths of her mind again, a horrible taste lingering in her mouth.

"You don't fucking know me, Vause. You don't know one thing about me."

"What I do know is..." Alex tilted her head, and spoke in a low, exaggerated voice, "Lyle your illegal boyfriend isn't what floats your boat is it?"

It was pure bitch but right now Alex couldn't find the good in herself, she was functioning on a fuel of bad and hatred she had collected over several years.

Melissa and the other girl looked positively uncomfortable, probably concerned and confused as to why Jessica wasn't pulling away from Alex's increasingly close proximity or why the girl's face was an arena of opposing expressions; one of longing and the other denial.

"My _dyke lips_ as you always put so nicely, can do a whole lot more than just talking." Alex said the words matter of factly as if it was a foregone conclusion rather than a thinly veiled threat. "Give me a call when you've finally stopped lying to yourself."

Jessica seemed to fall out of her trance, snarling her lips, she jerked away. "Get the fuck away from me. You're a freak and you know it."

Alex sighed for dramatic effect and simply smirked, pushing her glasses back over her nose. "Jessica...you live in a nice big house, surely there's at least one closet you can come out from?"

"Fuck you!" Jessica shoved her hard, slamming Alex against the lockers, the commotion causing a few other high schoolers to look their way. Undue attention was Jessica's idea of a nightmare and Alex was tempted to carry on with the siege but instead cockily responded with, "Give me the time and place and I'll see to that."

"You'll be sorry to have spread that shit around, Vause." Jessica growled angrily, straightening out her sweater and stomping off. "You fucking watch."

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Alex had hoped she'd bump into Piper at some point during the day. But that was made harder considering none of their classes clashed today. So she'd purposefully lingered besides her locker in between classes, hoping to spot her, and had even walked the routes to Piper's classes. It was already nearing the end of the school day. Alex thought that if she didn't find her today she didn't think she'd have the courage to repeat it all again tomorrow.

Alex didn't want to admit to herself but she was half glad they hadn't so far. The thing was Alex felt ashamed and guilty…but most of all was scared Piper would be too hurt to ever want to reconcile again. She had plenty of friends beside Alex, she could afford to never talk to her again.

It was just after her Chem class when Alex quickly darts out, hoping to catch Piper before she boarded for the bus.

She elbows crowds of students streaming out from different doors that had started filling up the corridor fast. She squints her eyes and scans the crowd…and to her utter relief spots Piper making her way out into the school yard.

Alex is too wrapped up in relief and pounding nerves to notice she had accidentally backed into Jimmy Highton.

"Move out of the fucking way." He shoulders her heavily, enough to cause Alex to nearly lose her balance. "Can't you fucking see where you're going, four-eyes?"

Alex ignores him and desperately tries to catch sight of Piper again, worried she may have already boarded the bus.

"What the fuck, dude. I don't think her ears are working either." His friend, Brad remarks, laughing.

"Hey Vause…why are you in such a rush anyway? It's not like you've actually got a home to go to."

Alex schools her face into a whatever sort of expression, "What's it to you?"

"To me it looks like a glorified shed with windows."

Alex could tell he was proud of that stupid turn-around comment but she didn't bother wait to hear the rest of it and instead pivoted around them and quickly reached the yard where the crowd had already started to thin out, enough for Alex to gain a good vantage point.

And then she spots her - Piper.

Alex starts walking faster, already mentally rehearsing through what she was going to say. She could already picture Piper accepting her apologies and smiling that reserved smile of hers before they carried on right from where they'd left off.

Alex frowns, her pace faltering.

Piper wasn't walking toward the bus but instead was headed toward the student parking lot and she wasn't on her own.

Daniel Trebek was smiling at her. _Walking_ with her.

She waited for Piper to fend away his obvious attempts at making her laugh, his over-familiarity with her makes Alex want to hurl.

But Piper doesn't, if anything she's smiling right back at him. A full on smile...none of the fake polite smiles she'd seen Piper do when she had to speak to adults or people she didn't like.

He's _touching_ her, slinging his arms over Piper's shoulders, leading her toward the far end of the parking lot, while they carried on laughing and joking.

Alex tightens her grip around her bag, hugging herself closer. She tells herself people can have platonic guy friends, it's not unusual. That's how she tries to rationalise it. Just a guy-friend. Piper would have told her if she'd had a boyfriend.

Except she wouldn't.

They're not talking.

Or acknowledging each other anymore - hadn't been for the best part of term.

She watches them climb into his car: a flashy navy Mustang that he always revved after school, something which had all the high school girls drooling with cloying vapidity.

Alex keeps watching, her heart pounding in her ears, becoming erratic and painful when she catches Daniel leaning toward Piper, his head tilting, and kisses her on the mouth, his hands roaming through her hair, spooling their way down her chest.

It feels as though a knife was splicing her guts open and Alex thinks she's going to be physically sick right here in the school yard. A roil of nausea competes with the humiliation and embarrassment slamming against her like a power-drill.

She squints her eyes shut, like a child. As though not looking meant it wasn't happening. She bites her lips hard.

But Alex can still see Piper; laughing and joking and _kissing._

Her own apologies suddenly seem so fucking idiotic... bordering on the desperate even.

Disoriented Alex turns around, and walks out of the yard, one foot in front of the other, and wilfully pretends the misting in her eyes isn't because she's crying.

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* * *

 _AN/ Sorry for the angst people. I promise it gets better from here. Update in the works - likely posting next week._

 _Also I wish I could individually thank everyone. But know that I read each and every comment and appreciate everyone's words a great deal._

 _*Special thanks to Vausemaniac for her thoughtful reviews and endless support :)_


	7. Even if I'm dreaming, I'm dreaming with

7\. Even if I'm dreaming, I'm dreaming with you

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 _AN/ Penultimate chapter :(_

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 _Close your eyes and lose the feeling that's been sinking_  
 _Close your eyes and count to three_  
 _Close your eyes, rewind, I know just what you're thinking_  
 _Close your eyes and think of me_

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The next couple of days feel as though Alex has been pushed onto a busy highway, dodging three lanes of traffic that was hurtling toward her, and it's manageable at first: swerving, turning and jumping away, but eventually the probability of odds sets in and there comes a moment when she hasn't dodged fast enough.

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Alex climbed into her truck, plopping onto the seat and about to close the door shut. Her mom had messaged her, saying she was going to be late today. The manager had asked her to pull a double shift because one of the other girls had called in sick, something which happened all too often to which her mom would too frequently agree to cover the shift.

Alex had told her mom not to take it this time - she had already worked non stop this entire week and as a result they had barely seen each other. Their interactions these days were no more than quick goodbyes and kisses on the cheek before Diane rushed of to her next shift. Sometimes, Alex wondered if that was the same life waiting for her as well; waiting tables, cleaning dishes - her home nothing more than a place to catch sleep.

Guiltily, she shook the thought away, thinking of her mom and how she would never admit to Alex she was struggling or was finding it harder and harder to keep food on the table. Alex had offered.

Offered to pick up a part time job but her mom had brushed the idea away, laughing that Alex should focus on her school.

Her thoughts are quickly shattered when the car door was suddenly yanked back open - the force of it almost ripping her arm off. She whirled around and saw Jessica standing a few feet back, stood by herself, her arms crossed and sporting a self satisfied expression that served to cause the hairs on Alex's back to rise. Jessica never usually confronted Alex by herself, she was almost always flanked by her back up. But also the brunette was stood too far back to have been the one to slam the door open. As as though confirming Alex's suspicions, Jessica spoke to someone who was stood out of her line of sight and hear her say, "Yeah that's definitely her, Jimmy."

Then Jimmy Highton stepped into view, blotting out half the night sky with his burly form, his broad shoulders flexing with thuggish anticipation. Alex didn't miss the ominous smiles that flashed between them.

She felt her heart drop, already trying to frantically start the engine. But before she even had time to fully complete the thought - she was harshly yanked out of the car. The air was crushed from her lungs when she heavily landed on the wet and muddy grass, her knees digging into it. She tried to gasp but a piercing pain radiated from somewhere in the middle of her chest. Alex tried to suck in air but her lungs didn't seem to work.

"What have you got against my sister?" Jimmy grabbed her by the collar, nearly choking Alex with it. This guy was built like a machine - achieved through a combination of playing as the high school quarterback, but more probably because of his illicit steroid injecting sessions, something which most of the school knew about but somehow hadn't had him excluded from the team.

"I'm dying to hear, _Vause."_

Alex could feel every bit of those steroids right now, his iron grip a vise around her throat. A genuine fear scratched at her head, calmly telling her this wasn't some PG rated, _I'll teach you a lesson bitch_ but more frighteningly an _I'm genuinely going to hurt you_ type situation. She would speak if he could actually let her breath first, his massive hands were slowly cutting off her oxygen supply.

"Ask her what...she has...got against me." Alex gasped. "Your sister isn't...the little p-p-princess you think...she is."

She was answered with an almighty kick in the ribs. Alex felt all the air whoosh out of her body in a single breath, it was like being hit by a forty tonne truck driving at full speed. She spluttered trying to gulp in air between racking coughs, feeling as though all the air had been emptied from her lungs. "Wrong answer." He hissed.

Paralysed, Alex scrambles for purchase, flailing over the muddy ground, languidly swimming through the dizziness, "I _asked_ you a question. What is it that you want from her?" His heavy-weight foot clamped down on Alex's left arm so that she had to clench her teeth to stop herself from screaming out loud. He pressed down even harder and Alex felt as though her arm was going to imminently snap in half. "Answer me, you _fucking dyke."_

Finally catching her breath, Alex looked up and spat, "Is that the extent of your vocabulary? Change it around for variety's sake."

"You think you're so smart?"

"Get the fuck off me." Alex tried to stand up but was rewarded with a second kick - this time the blow slammed against her temple. She felt herself lurch back and it was as though her brain had short-circuited, her glasses were knocked off, hearing them distantly clatter onto the ground as the world seemed to tilt precariously on its axis. Alex felt something warm and sticky run down her face, rivulets of it streaming down the side of her neck. For a second she couldn't hone in what exactly had happened, too busy trying to figure out whether the strange shooting sparks flying across her vision were normal or not.

Through a blood filled haze Alex hears Jessica's distant protests. "Jimmy! I think you should stop now!"

Obviously ignoring his step-sister's pleads, Jimmy harshly pulled Alex into a sitting position, "Get up, you like acting all tough... let see how much of a man you really are." He slams into Alex, causing her to painfully collide against the side of her truck, she can feel her head ricochet against the metal work, any harder and her head would have been embedded in the door.

"Jimmy, what the fuck! Stop stop!"

Alex miraculously manages to stagger to her feet, a horrible darkness creeping into the periphery of her vision - its presence marking her losing battle with consciousness. The night sky stars began blending in with her own self made ones which were increasing by the dozen.

Limbs flailing, graceless like a marionette, she beelines for her car but never even makes it.

Instead Alex felt herself falling. Or was it the ground rising to meet her? She couldn't even tell anymore. All she was aware of was the eventual feel of the cold grass against her cheek.

"What the _fuck_ have you done? Did I say nearly kill her?" Alex distantly hears Jessica's shouts echoing around her.

"But you wanted me to teach her a lesson, Jess."

"Not like this." An unmistakable worry seeps into her words, like she realised they had gone beyond the realms of a simple high school scuffle but into more criminal territory.

"Let's get out of here then."

"What and leave her like this?" Jessica's voice was full of dissent, somehow managing to access that small bit of humanity she still possessed. "Are you sure she's gonna be okay?"

"Relax, she'll be fine." Jimmy assured her. "I've done this loads of times."

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear you say that, Jesus _fucking_ Christ, Jimmy."

"Come on then. Before anyone sees us."

The sound of a car engine filled the night, shortly followed by impatient tires skidding across wet leaves and pine needles. Alex feels the darkness lurch and after a short struggle allowed the tendrils of cold sleep to wind seductively around her. She lets herself sink into the pain, deeper and deeper into its dark recesses – embracing it – until finally she feels nothing.

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* * *

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"Have you heard from your girlfriend?"

Piper whips her head round, and is surprised to see Jessica trawling behind her without any of her cronies, a fact which sets her instantly on edge. She was gathering her books having nearly finished her class and was walking toward the front of the class, intent on asking the teacher a few questions over some of the things they'd discussed today.

Belatedly she answers, "She's not my girlfriend."

 _And apparently not even a friend anymore._

Piper feels that familiar hollowness rear its head again reminding her she hadn't seen Alex this whole week. They were good at that; avoidance.

She closes her eyes tight and more memories appear, each one striking violently, shimmering for a moment before quickly vanishing, triggering the next. She's grown used to their unwelcome appearance every time Alex's name is so much as mentioned.

"Have you seen or heard from her?" The desperation in Jessica's question strikes Piper as odd, much more than the sudden need for the brunette to demand Alex's whereabouts.

"No, I haven't."

"Just call her."

"Why?" Piper now properly turns around, taking in Jessica's dishevelled appearance, her eyes shooting around everywhere, her mouth trembling into something resembling regret.

"Just do it." She mutters without looking.

It was something in the way she said it that had Piper not hesitate for a second, some distant instinct that told her not to argue the point. She fished out of her phone, dialling Alex's number. It began to ring, her stomach suddenly turns inside out. Like a coward, Piper hoped Alex wouldn't answer.

But she didn't exactly feel relieved either when the tone eventually switched to voicemail, _Hi this is Alex, I'm not here at the moment, please call back later._

Piper was temporarily arrested in place by the familiarity of the voice, all casual and cheery and she wondered whether Alex would even pick her calls up when she saw they were from Piper. "It's going through to voicemail." She muttered, looking up to catch Jessica's expression climb to a further rung of panic, her actions becoming more agitated. Pushing aside her thoughts, Piper narrowed her eyes, "Jessica, what's going on?"

"We didn't mean to." She blurts. "It was supposed to just scare her."

Piper's heart skipped a beat. "What do you mean? What's going on?"

"I really didn't mean it to happen like that…it was Jimmy, he just went crazy." She buries her hands in her hair, manically shaking her head from side to side, as though she was having an argument with herself. "I mean, why couldn't she have just listened? Why does Vause always make everything so fucking difficult?"

Piper took a step forward, an urgency almost tripping up her words. "What are you talking about?"

"Jimmy…"

"What the _fuck_ are you talking about?" Piper grabs Jessica's shoulders and shakes her hard - which was a feat really since Piper felt as though her entire body had turned into water, waves of fear gushing out from her. "Where's Alex? Tell me where the _fuck_ she is!"

Jessica looks like she's on the verge of tears, before she mumbles, "Out at the parking lot." She turns her head at Piper, eyes forlorn. "...But you have to hurry."

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* * *

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Piper can feel it.

She really can.

An unstoppable snowball of dread traversing through to the bottom of her stomach getting bigger and heavier by the second.

Piper leaves the classroom, probably the fastest exit she had ever made, all the while a machine gun fire of fear drowned out Mrs Dalton's indignant cries of protest bellowing after her. It's her AP Math class; Piper's weakest subject and also the one that always dragged down her overall score, no matter how much effort she seemed to pour into it.

But right now the fear of grades and high school and college seemed so inconsequential, ridiculous even.

She carried on running, her backpack painfully slamming against the blades of her shoulders, but pain was the last thing on her mind, instead each step closer was a further step up the stair of dread and who knew what she would find when she finally reached the top of it.

The parking lot was dark.

The few streetlights irregularly dotted across the perimeter had been stubbornly switched off. The school's meagre electricity budget only extended as far as lighting the immediate outside of the building, so that everything outside of it, including the bike sheds and school gates were thrown into darkness whenever the sun dipped under for the night. Something of a gift to the local stoners who gathered there and lit their joints, blowing out plumes of illegal smoke, brazenly exchanging bags of the stuff, safe in the knowledge no teacher would be able to seen them under the cover of darkness.

Now it seemed like the worst possible combination: dark and deserted; an ideal environment that allowed for a whole host of unthinkable possibilities.

Piper spotted Alex's truck, partially hidden by the hanging branches of the nearby trees overlooking the area. A sweat starts to build that wasn't a reaction to the sweltering evening heat.

She inched closer and closer, slowing down even further when she was no more than a few feet away. She comes to a sudden stop when her eyes catch the glint of Alex's glasses strewn across the grass bed, next she registers her beanie a few metres further.

And as though Piper was participating in a twisted version of tracing a breadcrumb trail she reaches its endpoint.

She stumbles forward, her eyes so dilated, all Piper's able to see are hazy black shapes. And through flashes of psychedelic white – the moon's rays flashing through tree branches had formed into a strange optical illusion - the shadows slowly merge into one familiar figure until she can make out the stark familiarity of it.

 _Alex Alex Alex_

Piper's next words slide back down her throat and for a second her mind cannot wrap around the profound illogic of what she was looking at. She cannot hear above the sound of juddering breaths roaring in and out of her lungs as she blindly drops beside Alex, her knees painfully digging into the mud, and Alex...a sob catches in her throat.

Alex was worryingly _not_ moving. Not an inch.

 _Even_ when Piper shook her hard, and her own hands felt like they were submerged into ice cold water.

 _Even_ when she shouts into her ears - her throat raw and hoarse from the sheer effort of frantic screams - their echoes reverberating in her ears. The earth seemed to shift from underneath her as she pulled at Alex's t-shirt and her hands came back wet.

Not from ice cold water but from warm sticky blood.

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* * *

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A bright light suddenly came on, the beam of it feeling as though a hundred flood lights were being focused directly onto Alex's retinas. Something was pressed against her mouth too - and she fought to escape it, thrashing out like a wounded gazelle on its last legs, trying to resist the hands trapping her head. She heard a voice, much too piercing against her ears, the loudness of it like nails against a blackboard.

"Alex?" A voice distantly calling from a faraway place, a voice that also sounded so so familiar. "Alex!"

Alex twisted, writhing aimlessly. That _fucking_ light again - intent on melting her eyes away. Too bright. Too hot. She fought trying to switch it off, so she could fall back into that calm dark, but that floating voice was not letting her.

"Alex! Alex…stop trying to fight me." She felt a hand clasp around her as though it was trying to pull her out of that darkness. "Come on. Open your eyes." A laboured pause. " _Please_ open your eyes."

A black veil suddenly seemed to rip apart before Alex's eyes and she surfaced into a blinding ray of light. For a second she couldn't focus on anything but then her vision slowly sharpened out. Alex saw a face staring down at her, the same face holding a phone with its flashlight function on.

She shielded her eyes from the glare. "The light…"

"Oh sorry." It was thankfully switched off which allowed Alex to register the face hovering not a few inches away from her own, and even though her brain felt like it had been blended into a ball of wool, it took Alex only a second to recognise it, that part of her brain completely preserved.

Of course _._

The soft, billowy hair framing her delicate features. The way her eyes shone in the dark, their impossible blue piercing into Alex's with such fervour. The kind of blue that washed up against white sand, a gentle reminder summer was coming.

She wouldn't forget something like that.

But Piper's cheeks were rouged and there was something out of sync with her expressions; a look of panicked concern, wild eyes and dilated pupils, roving over her face in hysterical sweeps.

Alex dimly realised something was off so she tried to reach out and touch her lips, full and red even in the minimal light of the evening, and tried to wipe the frightened look away. But Alex couldn't quite reach, a throbbing pain somewhere in her sides holding her back, causing her arm to feebly drop back down again.

Alex tried to sit forward, the pain in her head worse than anything she'd ever felt. She sat up, her surroundings doing a slow spin that left her nauseated and on the verge of crying out.

Her head was spinning and she could feel her pulse pounding in her ears, every part of her body burning with a fist-crunching kind of pain. Alex took deep breaths clenching her abdomen, choking off any groans. She blinked hard until everything came back into focus again.

"Alex are you okay? Are you alright?" Alex heard her ask, noticing Piper relieved happiness before it quickly turned all serious, her eyes blazing with righteous anger. "What happened?"

And that's when it all came flooding back. _Jimmy. Jessica._

"Piper." Alex gasped, her first word she had said since surfacing back to consciousness, every breath causing her ribs to feel as though they were being pulled out of her chest one by one. "What are you doing here?" before she dumbly added. "You shouldn't even be here."

Piper momentarily flounders for her words.

Alex looked away.

They had simultaneously remembered they shouldn't even be talking to each other, weren't even supposed to be on good terms. They hadn't talked for most of the past semester much less seen each other. The time Alex had seen her, just one day in a lifetime, surrounded by others - she had wanted to take Piper by the hand and lead her away.

Even in the darkness and through a cold pain, Alex could feel Piper staring at her. She looked up, meeting her gaze, their eyes somehow exchanging silent sorrys.

"Are you going to help me up or what?" Alex muttered awkwardly, her voice strained and nervous, not admitting it wasn't because of the pain.

"Oh sorry." Piper helped her to her feet and slung Alex's arms over her shoulders.

Alex's legs weren't quite working, so they half stumbled, half let herself get dragged down to the pick-up. The familiarity of Piper's contours unfairly comforting and it made Alex guiltily wonder how she had managed to evade Piper for the last few months.

When she was somewhat straightened out and in a reasonably comfortable position, did Piper ask, "Alex, what happened?"

She muttered Jessica's name out in a resentful hiss.

The name earned an almost never-ending round of expletives from Piper and if Alex hadn't been in the amount of pain she was in now she may have let out a laugh or two but right now the bones in her face felt like they had rearranged themselves into a painful and jagged canvas and the side of her chest was throbbing like nothing she had ever experienced.

"I'm going to call an ambulance." Piper declares.

"No hospital." Alex clenched her teeth, smoothing the frowns of pain out with great difficulty. "I'll be fine, nothing a few Tylenols can't sort out."

Alex neglected to mention a trip to the ER would be a catastrophic mistake; they didn't even have health insurance and also it would make her mom fly off the handle, and probably keep Alex from ever returning to a school that was very lax on looking after the wellbeing of their students.

"What? Tylenols?" Piper countered, her eyes jumping all over Alex and her bruises. "Alex, you should see what you look like. You look as though you've done a few rounds with Mike Tyson... You look _everything_ but fine."

Alex could hear Piper's attempt at trying to remain calm but uncomfortably heard the frenzied worry tinging her words every now and again and it hurt her somewhere deep in the chest.

"Piper." She began calmly, "I'm honestly fine, besides….these?" Alex pointed at the bruises covering her face trying her hardest at feigning lightheartedness even though she was practically going to cry over how soft and concerned Piper's voice was. "…these are the height of fashion these days. They're true battle scars."

Piper appeared unconvinced, "Alex…"

Alex pulled a smile, "Look at you, all knight in shining armour, coming to save the day."

"Alex, you were-"

"I'm fine. I'm fine. Look at me." Alex reassured, a smirk playing at her lips. "I'm going to be having a fucking whale of a headache over the next few days, though."

Alex is almost smiling - smiling as if something good was about to happen because she didn't want to see that look of worry and concern distorting Piper's features. Smiling because Piper was speaking to her again, _even_ though it was Alex who had said they shouldn't see each other again. Alex wondered if they'd ever make amends again, erase the past and start over, or maybe the concrete had already dried, too late for it to change form.

But when Piper suddenly throws her arms around her, enveloping Alex in a tight hug that felt as though it was something she needed but had never really thought she could have or _would_ happen, the world falls through her feet. Piper's embrace was like a hurricane - all fury and force and her words the same. "I'm glad you're okay."

Alex takes a fortifying breath, too overwhelmed, the moment so saturated with something she couldn't define. "Me too." Her voice barely tangible.

"You could have been badly hurt." She says softly into her neck, as if remembering how much worse it could have been.

Sick, Alex doesn't even want to imagine how Piper must have felt when she'd found her. It somehow makes her even more guilty. But more than that - it upsets her. She feels Piper's arm tighten around the waist, her hands running up and down her spine, like she was making sure Alex was indeed there; damaged but whole.

Alex swallows a lump with difficulty, glad she was wearing her glasses, because the burn in her eyes was really really beginning to fall into the category of _crying._ Alex doesn't think she can come back from the tears once they started flowing. She pauses enough to catch her breath says, "I know."

Piper pulls back just enough to see her face. "Like really _really_ badly, Alex."

Alex sucked in a lungful of air, and gritted her teeth. "Hmmmm."

They stay like that for an entire minute until Piper eventually lets go but still doesn't really move back, the space between them suddenly impossibly small.

Piper continues to stare at Alex, her eyes roaming all over her, as though she was trying to figure her out. It makes Alex feel naked in the glare of it. She lets her gaze drop just as a nervous sort of energy tingled through her. Tiny electric sparks starting from the ground, gathering through her feet and raising upwards in a single stream of _anticipation._

Alex shakes her head, but Piper is still staring. Silent but staring. Maybe it's the fact her head had been bashed in not half hour ago, or maybe it was Piper's eyes boring into her, but all Alex knew was it felt she like was being smothered by a warmth. And it was making her feel drunk out of her mind.

"I'm sorry for scaring you." Alex eventually mumbles for nothing better to say.

"I know."

Alex wasn't sure whether they were talking about their conversation months back or the events from this evening, either way, it felt good to let it out.

"I'm sorry too. Really I am."

Alex's chest imploded. It was her who should be apologising. Not Piper. But here she was throwing a lifeline of sorrys at her, ones Alex didn't think she even deserved to grab hold of. Alex wants to say all the right things, do all the right things, but her insides are too wet with unshed tears.

Unexpectedly, Piper grabs hold of her hands. Momentarily surprised, Alex looks down and then back up again, looking at Piper whose face was a swirl of ragged emotion. Alex can feel that specific look burning into her. Burying her. So that she feels herself mirroring the exact look.

They both knew it was coming, it seemed inevitable, really.

 _Breathe in. Breathe out._

Shy looks exchanged but quickly quashed by an untethered _want._

Alex feels Piper's fingers wrap themselves around hers, the touch so delicate and tender it feels like her whole world had been balanced so perfectly. Like she had finally come up for air from the months long swim she'd been on.

But apparently the stars weren't aligned in their favour tonight. Because the light of a massive flashlight harshly lit up the insides of the car, closely followed by Mrs Dalton's voice drifting in through the open window, all incredulous and alarmed, "ALEX VAUSE, what on earth has happened to you?!"

Sheepishly they sprang apart, both blushing and lost for words. The last few seconds still imprinted in their heads as they looked everywhere but each other.

But it didn't matter _that_ much to Alex anyway.

Because in her mind she had already placed their lips together.

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 _AN/_ _Kind of sad to realise this is nearly coming to it's end. Thanks for all those readers who have stuck by me for so long. In the meantime, would love to know your thoughts x_


	8. those three words

8\. those three words

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 _AN/ Normally, it takes a me a week to write a new chapter that averages ~ 5-6k words, but this time round I literally wrote this in a few days such was the intense writing bug lmao. Hopefully, I've done you guys justice with the content of this last chapter and like always, thanks for the reception this fic has received :)_

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It was several weeks since Alex had been ambushed by Jimmy and his step-sister.

Mrs Dalton had forced Alex to get herself checked out at the ER much to Piper's big relief and thankfully Alex was given the all clear, and apart from a few bruises and contused ribs she'd be fine.

Also, Jimmy had been indefinitely excluded from the school, much to the delight of many ostracised high-schoolers. Turns out Jimmy was not just raining his thuggish behaviours on Alex alone but also to half of the school populace. Naturally, this meant Alex became the unlikely hero, having rid the single worst thing in Litchfield High clean off its premises.

Jessica however, had escaped with a laughably light punishment of having to 'suffer' through after school detentions - something that pushed Piper's blood pressure sky high, especially when Jessica had a tendency to throw those smug grins of hers at her whenever they brushed past each other. Clearly it pays to have dads that owned woefully under-performing schools.

Piper had never resorted to violence but there was always a first for everything. Though, Alex with her unfailing patience and tolerance would talk Piper out of any would-be violent outbursts whenever the potential for that arose, always punctuating it with, _she just isn't worth it, Piper._

It was Saturday. A hot day, the kind where the sun was full on reigning the sky, not a cloud to be seen.

They were at Alex's. Piper having sneaked out from her room just as her mom had brought her yoga friends round for a light lunch. Cal was at chess practice, and her father was still at work. A perfect opportunity to slip out for her evening rendezvous with Alex.

"And then she had the audacity to smile at me. I mean she's basically a criminal and a thug."

"She's the worst."

"Piper... why is she even here?"

"School politics. Rich fathers and an infinite amount of luck."

"Ugh."

Piper suddenly whipped around, grinning from ear to ear, holding Alex's eyes for a second. "You know what you need?"

"Yeah?"

"You need closure."

Alex was about to spear off a round of questions at what exactly 'closure' entailed but Piper cuts her off by placing an index finger across her lips, gesturing with her eyes that all would be soon revealed.

It was half hour later when they rock up to the only existing grocery store, situated in the outskirts of the town after Piper had insisted she was driving. "You wait here." She says while jumping out of the truck and returning ten minutes later clutching several boxes of eggs in her arms.

Piper slams the door shut, plopping onto the seat after having dumped the eggs onto the backseat and was now working the ignition – eventually driving them out of the parking lot.

"Am I allowed to ask what the eggs are for or whether they're somehow related to this closure thing you keep talking about?" Alex enquired warily.

"Alex, I always wanted to do this and now is no better time than to just...do it."

She frowned, "I have literally no idea what you are actually talking about here and really you're kind of worrying me…you're acting all weird and manic."

"Manic?" Piper laughed incredulously as the car lurched into drive, "Me? I'm as _un_ manic as anyone can possibly be."

The slightly out of tune responses coupled with the bright eyes weren't exactly disproving that point, "These answers are just making me more and more concerned, you know." Alex glances back at the eggs as if directly looking at them was going to give her all the answers. "And also I don't find cake-baking therapeutic if that's what your grand plan is or scrambled eggs. I don't even like scrambled eggs."

"Just relax and tell me where your arch-nemesis lives."

"Who?" She dumbly asks, "Jessica Wedge?"

"How many more do you have that I don't know about? 'Cause otherwise I don't think we have enough eggs."

The penny finally drops at what Piper's idea of closure constituted and Alex can't help but burst out laughing at the sheer outrageousness of it, she's laughing so hard tears actually spring out, so much so she has to take her glasses off and wipe them clean. "Wow, Pipes. Did I tell you, you're kind of a legend? How the fuck have I not thought of something like this?"

"Are you tryna say I'm not savvy enough?"

Alex grinned, "I'm kind of proud my dastardly ways have rubbed off on you." She rubbed her shoulders against hers. "My partner in crime."

"Shut up and just tell me where she lives."

Twenty minutes later they're parking the truck a couple of blocks down from Jessica's house so that it wouldn't be recognised but also not to park too far as to ensure a rapid getaway. This was according to Piper, who seemed to have organised the exact run of events in such great detail, Alex wouldn't be half-surprised if Piper whipped out a map of their exact route into enemy lines.

When they reached the house, they take a moment to admire the sheer ostentatiousness of the Wedge household, with its endless manicured garden and white-walled exterior - not to mention covering at least half a block of land - it had left the category of just being a 'house' and more into mansion territory.

"Wow, I knew where she lived but I've never actually seen their house." Alex elbowed Piper, "It's even bigger than your house, Pipes."

"Yeah well my house doesn't have little bitches living in them." Piper replied completely deadpan.

Alex side eyes her, only catching Piper's silhouette in the dark, her lips curling into a teasing smile, "I'm starting to really like this stone cold Piper."

"I'm not stone cold." She countered in mock solemnity, 'I just have a passion for justice. I mean she got someone to beat you black and blue and she makes your life a living hell on a daily basis, Alex."

"And eggs are really going to solve that?"

"No but they'll go hell of a long way in helping to" She shrugged her shoulders. "Plus it's fun _and_ Jessica's a little bitch that needs to be taught a lesson."

"A lesson in home economics...with eggs?"

"You could say so... a new egg recipe I thought up with that added _je ne sais quoi."_

"Well, let's teach then." Alex chuckled, charmed at Piper's adorable plight for justice. Could you like someone even more while in the midst of something entirely naughty and unorthodox? Piper's cheeks were ablaze with a giddy vigour, drunk on something Alex wishes could have some of. It took all of her collective energy not to kiss her right there in the middle of the street.

They're both clutching a handful of eggs, bent over and hiding behind a bush that was strategically facing Jessica's house. They kept bursting out into fits of laughter whenever they glanced at one another in the dark so that any attempt at being stealthy and quiet was proving to be tremendously difficult. Piper slowly stuck her head above the bush just as Alex was tugging at her leg and trying to pull her back down but she carried on surveying their surroundings as though she was a soldier hiding out in mud trenches on the lookout for incoming enemies. It was just so theatrical and ridiculously over the top.

Alex laughed causing her to nearly drop the eggs she was holding onto the grass, "You look absolutely hilarious doing that. If you had told me about this beforehand, I would have brought walkie talkies and camouflage to complete the war aesthetic"

"We _are_ at war."

Alex was about to retort with something but was cut off when the front door swung open, the garden suddenly bathed into a yellow light.

"Shit!"

They hastily flattened themselves onto the ground, straining their ears for any advancing steps but thankfully the door slammed shut again and they were once again thrown back into darkness.

"I can't believe we're doing this." Alex muttered more out of awe than an indication that she was going to back out. "Fuck it – let's do this."

"You want to do the honours?" Piper held out a single solitary egg.

Alex pulls a smile and winks at her. "Why thank you very much." She grabs the egg and pretends to pull out a plug like a grenade and without so much as a pause, threw it as hard and as far as she could. They both watched it trace an almost graceful arc in the night before it unceremoniously splattered against what must be the front room window, seconds later gooey yolk and egg white dripped down in tendrils of mush.

And then...

They were throwing them all: a shootout of egg missiles, splashing against the walls and windows and doors and even cars in an almost noiseless fashion. The yolk dripping everywhere.

"Aim at that window up there!" Piper shouted into Alex's ear. "I think that's Jessica's room judging from the ridiculous bright pink curtains!"

Alex paused for a second, "Hang on a minute, I distinctly remember your room being decked all out in pink, you even had a goddamn pink wardrobe. Like come on, hypocrite much?"

"I didn't say I liked them. You can blame my mom's taste in décor for all that."

"What, even the matching pink pyjamas?" Alex grinned "That was also your mom's doing?"

"Okay, whatever. But they're really comfortable, you should try them sometime."

"I'd rather sleep naked than have to wear pink abomination like that."

"You sleep naked?" Piper raised her eyebrows, and Alex could have sworn it was of the suggestive kind. Piper shook her head and shouted. "Okay on that note, aim at that window over there!"

Alex shrugged off the sudden heat hitting her face and nodded in assent, having momentarily forgot where she was.

She launched one, two, three eggs at the window. Two of them strike their target but the third lands on whatever unfortunate person had opened the window at that exact moment and stuck their head out. The timing could have not been anymore brilliant, egg material splattered all over their familiar brunette hair, an angry righteous expression segueing into one of absolute horror.

"Oh my god, Al!" Piper burst out laughing, her mouth an O shape of proud disbelief.

They quickly dropped their heads back down, hiding behind the bush, "It's Jessica and you caught her right in the actual face. I can't actually believe that. The stars really have aligned themselves tonight."

"Fuuuuuuuuuccccck!" Alex all but whisper-shouted, "I feel on fire!"

"We need to get the hell out of here!"

"Our mission here is done."

As if on cue, several doors and windows began to open and various members of the Wedge clan began to step out one by one, their faces a sea of pictured disbelief and shock as they took in the yolk explosions littering the front of the house, the windows dripping down with the yellow stuff that had already started to congeal.

Alex grabbed Piper's hand, which didn't feel at all awkward or significant and they sprinted - their strides increasing as the thought of Jessica's brother Jimmy chasing after them spurred them to run even faster. And they ran the whole length of the two blocks nearly reaching the truck. Even in the scorching summer night heat, the running felt exhilarating and freeing – hand in hand, fingers intertwined, breathing out in deep warm gasps almost in unison. They finally reached the truck, not sparing a second, they both jumped in, and Alex immediately revved the engine, tires screeching on hot tarmac.

"Go go go!" Piper urged her, banging on the dashboard, like actors always did on those heist movies after they'd robbed a bank or something.

"Away we go baby!" Alex yelled.

When they finally reached the other side of town again, Alex drove through a Wendy's drive-thru and proceeded to order the biggest of everything: biggest burgers, biggest fries and even bigger milkshakes."

"What's the special occasion?" The drive-thru woman asked at the checkout window and Alex had replied with "We've just had an egg-cellent time." The sheer ridiculousness of the pun coupled with the lady's perplexed look she gave Alex in response had Piper nearly choking on one of fries, the laughter an unstoppable tide.

In the parking lot behind the Wendy's they shoved fries into their mouths, tucked into warm cinnamon apple pies and slurped down blessedly cold milkshakes. Alex rolled the windows down, the warm breeze felt so good, gently ruffling their hair, the smell of freshly cut grass wafting in, both of them still riding high over what they had done.

"Did you see her face? Alex said, licking her straw for the last remnants of strawberry, "She was literally about to spontaneously combust."

"Her dad. Did you see her dad?" Piper supplied, "I was more worried his head was going to pop off.

"I didn't even know humans could turn a shade of purple but tonight I was proven wrong."

"What the hell is going on here?" Piper responded, trying on Mr Wedge's deep booming protests and kind of failing miserably.

"He got scrambled." Alex added, her face completely deadpan.

They both held each other's eyes for a second before they snorted at the simultaneously cheesy yet ingenious pun.

"Poor old Wedge got fried." Piper threw back.

"Shell-shocked she was."

"How would you like your eggs, Madame?" Piper asked in an uppity posh voice.

"Scrambled, with a wedge of potato, please and thank you."

"That sounds like an egg-ceptional dish."

"Egg-sactly."

They reeled off all the puns they could think of all the way until the car rolled in front of Piper's house, laughing as they impersonated Jessica's whiny voice in turn.

They slowly stopped outside Piper's house, the lights were all off, signifying the Chapmans were fast asleep which Piper was glad for – no awkward explanations of where the hell she had been this whole evening that she had to think of.

She could already feel the giddiness from earlier beginning to wear off and be slowly replaced with a dose of heavy reality.

Piper's canvas tonight had been full: slashes of red and green and _yellow._ It was a constellation of eclectic colours that reflected just how much fun she had. Just how unrestricted she had been. She could feel her too wide smile dim down to just a slight curve of the lips. It was a piss-poor version of a smile but was a perfectly suitable effort for one when she was at home but not even close to one she had when Piper was with Alex – where her smiles had been large and carefree but above all _genuine._

"So I guess this is the part where we bid our farewells." Alex spoke into the dark, sounding away Piper's bleak thoughts.

"You make it sound like as though we're never going to see each other again."

"Yeah but twelve hours is a super long time so it might as well be forever for me."

They stay silent for a few protracted minutes, the quiet comfortable rather than awkward of weird.

"Pick you up tomorrow?" Alex eventually asked.

"Hmmmm."

This was supposed to be part where Piper nodded and got out the car but something kept her glued into her seat. Like there was something still unfulfilled and she couldn't leave until it was…fulfilled.

Alex noticed her hesitation but didn't say anything instead just fixing her with a gaze that seemed to burn in its intensity and it was almost as though she knew what Piper wanted _fulfilled._

Piper glanced back.

Maybe she could ride off that earlier adrenaline rush...that rare dose of courage that had been injected into her for those few short-lived hours, so maybe...

Without much thinking, she reached sideways, feeling the seatbelt digging into her shoulder and closed her eyes, reaching…. _wanting._

But her eyes sprang back open when Alex suddenly spoke, seemingly unaware of Piper's intentions. "Keep still." She said sidling forwards and began plucking out several stray eggshell shards out Piper's hair, "You've got bits of shell stuck in your hair." She said as a way of explanation.

"Huh?" Momentarily thrown, Piper had the grace to look down, her hands suddenly really clammy and her pounding pulse no doubt visible even in the darkness. Eventually finding her voice, she murmured her thanks. She could still feel Alex's hand running through her hair, enjoying the gentle strokes of her fingers that would every so often brush against the side of her face. After an age Alex unnecessarily announced, "Got them all I think." But instead of retreating her hand, Piper could feel it gently slide across her face and linger over her cheek for a few belated seconds.

The air between them stilled, the sounds of the night slowly drifted away and it felt as though they were sat in a soundless vacuum of their own making.

Piper could feel Alex's gaze burning into her skin, her eyes bright, the lenses of her glasses reflecting the after glows of the summer moon. Still drunk on their earlier doings and head fizzled from the sugar load they had devoured – Piper could feel everything start to take on a strange ethereal quality, a place where the car was an infinite space - a space with her and Alex as the only beings within it.

"You better go before your parents figure out their favourite daughter is missing." Alex says softly, the statement at odds with the longing that tinged her voice.

Piper humourlessly laughed, "I don't think they have ever checked my room during the night or during the day for that matter so I don't think I have anything to worry about."

"Really?"

"Really."

"I don't know whether that's a good or bad thing." Alex mused thoughtfully.

"I used to think it was a good thing but when my own parents didn't know I'd been holed up in my room for several days because of a really bad stomach infection back when I was younger that's when I realised it's probably not all that great."

"No kidding."

"They only found out when the housekeeper complained she couldn't clean my room because I was in it." Piper added realising just how fucked that sounded when she said had to say it out loud.

Alex shook her head in reproach, "That's pretty fucking disgusting."

Piper sighed, "My mom doesn't know I got an A in all my classes nor does she know I absolutely hate it when she tries to hook me up with some of her friends' sons." Her voice trails off at that revelation but to her credit Alex doesn't say anything. "My dad doesn't know I won the middle school tennis championships. _Twice._ And he sure as hell doesn't know or at least doesn't want to know about my aversion to business even though he's practically written my resume for me and expects me to go to business school after I graduate."

Piper feels her earlier smile dying away as she thought back to the easy relationship she had witnessed between Alex and Diane and how her mom had actually genuinely cared over how Alex was finding school or life in general for that matter. She had tried not to be jealous...but every time Diane gave Alex that look – a look that Piper had always wished her parents would show her, she would find herself looking away, the pain in her head always too much to bear.

It had been the look of love.

"You're lucky." Piper murmured thoughtfully, her gaze fixed on her house. "You're lucky to have a mom who knows what your favourite dish is, knows what homework you got given to you that day… _cares_ about your happiness." She feels tears welling in her eyes, "You're lucky to have someone who really cares about you." Piper looked away, suddenly realising she had said far too much, embarrassed for blackening the earlier light-heartedness. She purses her lips together and hurriedly wipes the tears away, grateful for the cover of darkness

" _I_ care about you."

Piper looked up from her lap. She could feel Alex's hand slowly drop down and wrap itself around her hand, nestling gently into the crook of her palm.

"I care about you, Piper."

A thick strained determination edged each word, like Alex was trying to make up for all the times that had never been said to Piper.

"And I have - ever since you sat beside me and you asked me what time class finished." She paused, her face sliding into one of regret and apologies, "And I wish I could tell how sorry I am for assuming you were like just like your parents. That was pretty low of me."

"Don't apologise." Piper's laugh came out all wet and hollow. "I kinda gave off those vibes, I guess they don't lie when they say the apple doesn't fall that far from the tree."

"No." Alex said in a sharp tone, "No, the way I see it is that the apple has escaped the grasp of the bad tree not as something that was ever intrinsically part of it."

Piper just stares out of the window, her brain had been hard-wired into thinking she was a sad indictment of a person - courtesy of her parents legacy and right now she couldn't access the place that could accept compliments. "I don't know, Alex. Fifteen years is a pretty long time to turn into something fucked up." Not trusting her voice to come out all scraped thin she stopped talking - the betrayal of tears already digging against her eyes.

"You're smart and beautiful and funny and brave. I could go on and on for hours and the list would _still_ not end." Alex curls her lips into a determined smile. "Hell, I don't even know if there are enough words in the dictionary to exactly express of how much of a good person you really are."

Piper could hardly hear above the roar of her hammering heart which at this point she was sure was going to squeeze out from between her ribs. Her chest wall suddenly felt like it was several sizes too small to accommodate the swell her heart was currently undergoing. But that really held the least of her attentions because Alex had called her beautiful and brave as well as a _whole_ load of other adjectives.

She was acutely aware of Alex's gaze piercing into her, totally and utterly ensnared in the intensity of it. Piper felt like she was drowning in a sea of gratitude, wishing she could tell Alex just how much her words meant to her but not really knowing how.

"And I'm real sorry…I shouldn't have said those things about you." Alex's tone was deadly serious, her hand now resting gently on Piper's cheek, her thumb tracing the outline of her cheekbones. "It was presumptuous of me to assume you were like all those other kids." She looks up, her eyes sparkling with sincere honesty. "And you're _not._ "

"Don't worry about it." Piper's throat felt like a live beehive was stuck inside it and was dangerously close to tearing open.

"No, really I shouldn't have guilt-tripped you about that thing over our friendship and your parents..." Alex looked away for a moment as though she was thoroughly uncomfortable over what she had said even more so when she said it out loud – even though to Piper it had been the stone cold truth. "That had been uncalled for."

The air around them becoming still and silent - the words caught within and dangling before them

"But what if it's not just a friendship?" Piper heard herself eventually utter.

Alex turned around and looked at her dead-on, her face inches from hers, "What do you mean?"

The feeling that Piper had whenever Alex was so close to her, unexpectedly rose up inside her like a helium balloon floating up into the sky. A tingle of anticipation she didn't know she even had, rising up with it. "I mean…I mean when you said no friendship is worth my parents disapproval."

"What about it?"

Piper wanted to say it. Words that had been resting on the tip of her tongue, stored there for so long she was surprised they hadn't yet been permanently engraved there. "What I mean is…what if it's more than a friendship?" She stammered. Her voice was hesitant. Slow and faltering. "What if I like you more than just as a friend? What if I l-"

The words now wouldn't formulate themselves inside her mouth, and speaking of mouths; Alex's was so close to hers and she smelt so goddamn good – a dreamy mix of late summer and cigarette smoke. Alex was still staring at Piper, unblinking and seemingly mulling over her earlier words. She could feel the hand suddenly slide off her cheek until she felt no more.

Piper felt herself growing hot with a panicked embarrassment suddenly overwhelmed with an avalanche of _what-ifs_ racing around her head. What if she had misread everything? What if all those little glances, the hand touching or the winks was just what _really really_ close friends do? Had she been romanticising every gesture, every look that had passed between them?

"Alex?" She felt like her breath had become stuck in her throat so that now her breathing was coming out in strange staccato bursts. "Ignore me…I'm just rambling. I probably should-" She was already fumbling with the door handle, muttering apologies under her breath when without warning Alex turns her back around, cups her face with both hands and cuts her off with a deep kiss.

Her uncertainty and doubts swallowed up just like that.

Alex had just given her the answer to a question Piper hadn't been able to ask.

The surprise hit her for a brief second before she threw all caution to the wind and kissed back with equal abandon, feeling her chest turn itself inside out, the tension leaving her body in one exhilarating rush. She tipped forward, unfastening her seatbelt, almost falling onto Alex in her sudden need to get closer. They trapped each other's faces, curious lips bumping against one another.

Piper could feel Alex's mouth seeking hers in deeper exploration and it was possibly the most glorious of sensations; a heady blend of unleashed frenzy and something more gentle and thoughtful. Piper blindly reached out to grasp a waist but instead pressed hard against something.

The car honk sounded, loudly shattering the night silence.

They both gave a start and looked at each other, their breathing, hard and fast. Their faces flushed at the same time. They pulled away from each other. A flood of reality traversing through Piper, and she looked around, apprehensive whether anyone had seen them.

But Alex simply chuckled all the while her eyes were brimming with wonder and tenderness _._ "How was that for an answer to your earlier question?"

"That was the perfect answer." Piper replied shyly, still half-sat and half-draped over Alex.

"Yeah?" Alex's face was a picture of unfettered delight and the winning smile afterwards could have catapulted Piper right into the night sky, feeling as though she could just about touch the stratosphere in that moment.

But she was anchored in place by their lips once again connecting and their hands previously unused were now suddenly awakened. Alex runs her hands through Piper's hair, bringing them back down across her jaw, tracing a chaotic path down her neck. The gathering heat of the truck causing them to burst out into a sweat. and it was a fumbling of longing mouths connecting and urgent hands tracing every bare part of each other's glistening skin.

The second time was even better, Alex's lips soft with a trace of relief and want, the feel of them even more marvellous than the last. The embrace left Piper feeling as though she was walking on water, it was better than that time she had been told she got an A+ in math, better than waking up to a room full of wrapped presents on Christmas day, better than all of her birthdays rolled into one.

Their lips separate for a moment but their foreheads still resting against each other, "You know I never really regarded you as _jus_ t a friend." Alex said after an age of flushed silence.

"No?"

"No."

"I didn't either."

"Really?'

"Yeah."

"So all that time you were just playing really _really_ hard to get?"

"As if you weren't?" Piper scoffed. "You and your whole I'm so mysterious persona."

"It worked though." Alex sniggered as she traced a gentle path down Piper's cheek, "I'm not sorry you know…" Her eyes turn a shade of serious. "Because otherwise _this_ wouldn't have happened."

"You're not?"

Alex paused, as though reconsidering the truth of her last statement and said again, this time more firmly, "I'm definitely not sorry at all.

They stared at each other for a moment, letting the words sink in. Then Piper smiled and pressed her lips to Alex's, "You know what?" She whispered, her words harnessed with renewed conviction, "Neither am I."

Alex whispered and turned to kiss her again. They meet halfway; heads tilting and hands holding. They kiss full on the lips, all soft and warm.

But it wasn't a casual kind of kiss, or even the lustful kind from before.

But the serious _I love you_ kind.

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* * *

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.

You didn't get into trouble last night, did you?" Alex asked.

"What?"

"Your parents?"

"What-what...- _fucck._..about...them?"

"Your parents, they didn't say anything about you rocking up so late?"

After a few seconds of silence, Piper gasped out in one long breath, "Fuuuuuuuuuucccckkkk, Aleeeeeeex!"

Alex eventually slipped her hand out from underneath Piper's waistband, looking ridiculously pleased with herself as she watched Piper ride out her orgasm with avid amusement. "I feel like a goddess being summoned from the heavens, who knew my name could sound so spiritual during throes of passion?"

Breathless and still quivering, Piper gasped, "Less talk, more hand."

"Goddess Alex accepts thy pithy request with great honour."

Piper could easily forgive the teasing when one such hand was doing unspeakable wonders.

They were in Alex's truck parked in some random parking lot out of town after Piper had insisted that the street outside her house was _not_ the most covert of places for what they wanted to do to each other. She had cited the too high risk of some middle-aged curtain twitcher in her street catching them in the act which would no doubt be followed by a quick word to her parents. So Alex had relented...just.

After school couldn't have come any sooner for Piper, she had been itching for the last class to finish, constantly glancing at the clock until the teacher had asked her whether she had be somewhere.

 _Of course_ she did.

"Fuck? I'm pretty sure that wasn't their response." Alex said, breaking Piper's thoughts. "I thought your family were very anti f-bombs? I mean I just can't imagine Mama Carol's tongue is even physically capable of saying such blasphemous words."

"Can you stop talking about my _fucking_ parents?" Piper huffed out indignantly as she climbed onto Alex's lap and threw her arms around her. "You know it's really off-putting to hear about them when your hand is halfway down my pants."

"I was just concerned for you, geez." Alex protested, her lips already crooking into a smile.

"Sorry."

Alex's eyebrows arched upwards and she ran her fingers through her hair in lazy strokes, "Are you really though?"

"I'm absolutely and very and truly sorry." She cocked her head and tried to give Alex her most regretful and apologetic expression.

Alex seemed to be trying her hardest in suppressing a grin but nodded. "Looks convincing enough for me."

Alex leant forward, kissing the side of her neck but Piper cheekily tilted her head, their lips brushing against each other. This time they took their time and moved much more slowly, their touches more gentle and tender.

Piper's hands reached up to the back of Alex's neck and pulled her closer. She felt her tongue in her mouth, tasting the cigarette flavour, then Alex pulled away, running fond kisses onto her chin and down her neck. Piper figured Alex had a thing for neck kisses at the same feeling a liquid warmth spread throughout her body - a pastime for which she was entirely content with.

The drive took no less than half hour. Piper could feel herself growing increasingly agitated, already hearing her mother's scathing monologues and her father's silent looks of disapproval. Before the car had even rolled to a stop she sounded her thanks and was about to jump out when Alex held her back, looking all expectant. "No goodbye kiss?"

Piper broke into a soft smile, the stress instantly sluicing down a drain and feeling her chest lifting. After a few minutes she murmured, "I really do need to go now though." Placing another kiss over Alex's lips, her own eyes closed, words heavy with regret.

"I know." Alex whispered and turned to kiss her again.

"I promise I'll call as soon as I get into my room."

"I'll be waiting." Alex cracked a smile, her fingers lightly stroking Piper's bare arms before eventually squeezing her hands, "Not a second too late."

"Obviously."

"Okay, go now."

"Okay."

"You're still here."

"I just need to imprint your face into my memory, just give me a minute."

"Pipes, am I that forgettable?"

"Shut up I'm in the process of imprinting."

"You just don't want to leave my beautiful self, admit it."

"For someone so cheesy sometimes, you really are full of yourself."

"Full of love. That's me."

Their hands lingered together for a few minutes longer, "Okay, go now, before I never let you out of this car. I'm literally millimeters from locking these doors indefinitely.

"Okay okay. I won't forget to call though."

Piper finally clambered out of the truck and began walking up to her front door, trying really REALLY hard not to look back. Just as she placed the key in the lock she couldn't resist - her resolve obviously not even all that strong.

Their eyes met in the darkness and Alex gave her this dazzling smile that made Piper want to walk back again and kiss her until her eyes rolled into the back of her head and her own lips throbbed. _But_ she managed to just... _just_ stop herself from doing so.

After all.

There was always tomorrow.

Her only saving grace really.

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 _AN / END._

 _Thanks for the read folks. Throw me all the reviews you have at me. They always make my day. Let me know of any favourite lines or parts you've had from any of these chapters. would love to know :) Until then, over and out_


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